My dad goes through my bedroom. Awkward,ceepy,disrespe cful and DISGUSTING!

My dad goes through my bedroom. Awkward,ceepy,disrespe cful and DISGUSTING!

kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
my mom told me. I'm not allowed to tell my father I know because my mom will get in trouble. I'm 22!! I loved hearing my dad going through all my drawers and finding adult items. It's actually disgusting thinking of my father going through drawers and touching that stuff!! BARF! now on my 2 days off work this week I get to spend hours and hours cleaning,sorting and hiding things..looks like I"lll tell my boyfriend I need a few safes for my birthday!!
08/23/2010
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Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
my mom told me. I'm not allowed to tell my father I know because my mom will get in trouble. I'm 22!! I loved hearing my dad going through all my drawers and finding adult items. It's actually disgusting thinking of my father going ...
It looks like it's time for you to move out...or pay rent. If you do pay rent put a slide lock on your door and inform him that if he accepts a monthly fee for your room he must abide the landlord/tennent rules in your city/state. If you pay rent what he did constitutes breaking and entering. Either way it's abuse, disrespectful and not his entitlement at your age. I would strongly suggest moving out even if it's into an apartment sharing situation.
I agree though a parent searching an adult child's room is disgusting to me. It's something I got when I lived at home and is what prompted me to move out. I will not be doing this to my kids and neither will their fathers!
08/23/2010
Alegria Alegria
That's awful! Maybe hide them in the closet? Use grocery sacks hung on the hanger underneath your clothes.

I would be super mad too. Perhaps install a doorknob with a lock?
I'm not sure what I'd do...

Good luck!
08/23/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It looks like it's time for you to move out...or pay rent. If you do pay rent put a slide lock on your door and inform him that if he accepts a monthly fee for your room he must abide the landlord/tennent rules in your city/state. If you pay rent ...
well I'm too poor and too ill with severe ibs all the time. I wish to stay here. I don't pay rent. I buy wat I need and some of wat I want. I will just get some safes and go through my bedroom clean and hide stuff. I'm like goth she wishes she could move out but its really not an option. I have a lock door k nob but its easily opened with a knife it has a key though..and i'm not allowed to put sliding locks its his house anyway
08/23/2010
sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Wow, that's crazy. If you aren't able to or won't move out, I'm not sure what to tell you. I couldn't handle that. I live in my in laws house (they own it, but not live there themselves), and I feel I have no privacy there! I wouldn't be able to handle that.
08/23/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
It looks like it's time for you to move out...or pay rent. If you do pay rent put a slide lock on your door and inform him that if he accepts a monthly fee for your room he must abide the landlord/tennent rules in your city/state. If you pay rent ...
no cant pay rent I don't even have insurance I have too much stuff I need to buy and some I could really use but can live without. I cant go through life paying bills so I also ca n't afford anything I'd really like. I don't need a new computer chait but this one is really uncomfortable and will fall apart sometime.

if he made me pay rent he still wouldn't follow the landlord/tennent laws and if I told the cops he's kick me out of his house. I have problems with my mail being opened by him I can't report it becaue I want to live here.
08/23/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Alegria
That's awful! Maybe hide them in the closet? Use grocery sacks hung on the hanger underneath your clothes.

I would be super mad too. Perhaps install a doorknob with a lock?
I'm not sure what I'd do...

Good luck!
ya I've had porn dvds taken away from me. and a package from ebay come to me which was obviously a dvd inside and he opened it because it could have been porn
08/23/2010
TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
It's their house. Respect that. Technically it is their room. If you don't like it- then keep it someplace else or don't have it. I don't find it disrespectful or disgusting, he has every right to go through your stuff if it is in his house.

I am back to living with my mother for about 3-6 months. I told her upfront about my adult products, and had an adult conversation with her. I told her where I would be putting them so she wouldn't see them. She agreed not to go into the storage containers I have.

That's an adult agreement. If you can't have an adult conversation like that, then I don't have sympathy for you. You tout off your age, well then act like an adult.
08/23/2010
DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
This is going to sound really harsh, but I really can't stand when people whine about rules their parents/grandparents/r elatives put upon them when they are living in their family's house. If you don't like the rules of where you're living, find a different living situation. Live with your boyfriend. Get a second job. Get a job that doesn't require you to leave your home, since you're ill. Put up or shut up, is my motto. Bearing that in mind...


I agree with JonsBabydoll; it's their house, with their rules. If one of their rules is that you are not permitted to have sex toys or porn or whatever "ridiculous" rule they think up, you are responsible for abiding by their rules or suffering their consequences. Why can't you keep your sex toys at your boyfriend's house?

You say you want to live there, so suck it up and be a little more respectful--they don't HAVE to let you stay in their home, they are doing you the courtesy of letting you stay with them while you're ill. They are not responsible for feeding, clothing, or housing you (you say you can't pay your own bills, but you have a job, so maybe you should work on saving up money from that job to put towards a down payment or first month's rent, rather than buying porn/toys/a safe...) after you turn 18, so be a little more grateful.

Yes, it's intrusive and uncomfortable of them to actually go through your things, but maybe his reasoning wasn't to ~*spy on you*~ Maybe he was trying to be helpful and put your clothes away and didn't know which drawer they belonged in... Or maybe he was going through your drawers because he wanted to see what you were buying, instead of paying bills.
08/23/2010
Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
I personally think it's disrespectful of ANY parent to go through their GROWN CHILD'S things, regardless of whether or not the child should be living there or is or isn't paying rent. Respecting their rules about their property, curfews, land, etc., is one thing, but forfeiting the right to have the privacy that an adult is entitled to is quite another.

My advice? Lock your stuff up, and move out ASAP.
08/23/2010
...... ......
Ok being the mother of 4 adult children, 1 lives here, I want to add my 2 cents.

It is disrespectful to go through someone else's personal property. You should have a right to some privacy.

But the fact of the matter is you don't. He may not be correct by going through your things, but it is his house and like it or not he can do as he pleases.

With that said, there has been a lot of good advice on what to do. Either find a way to hide, move or lock up your things, or move out.

I understand you're sick and don't work and can't afford to live on your own. But he really doesn't have to let you stay. And your parents really are doing you a favor by continuing to support you even though you are an adult. Maybe try being really grateful for that and see how you can be a contributing factor instead of a problem. Because that's what real adults do.

The biggest problem with adult children living at home is that they expect to be treated like adults but don't think they have to act like one. Maybe try treating them like you do other people and you might find they begin to treat you the same. Either way, at least if you want to confront them about something, you have a leg to stand on. You've treated them maturely and with respect, and now you would like to be treated the same.
08/23/2010
Sir Sir
Alright, here's the thing that I feel about this.

I feel that a child who lives and feeds off of the parents' resources should be respectful and open. There's no reason to not be, unless the parent is really closed-minded. In that case, you have one of two options: abide by their rules, or leave.

Now, that being said, I am wondering just WHY your father went through your things, and why your MOTHER is telling you. This seems suspect to me, and makes me wonder what the situation is between you and your father. This seems odd to me, that a mother would come to her daughter talking about the father like he's some creep. Parents should agree on things. So what I want to know is, what's the deal with your father, what's your relationship with him, and why was he going through your things?

You need to be an adult and confront him. And if your mum gets in trouble, she deserves it. She should have stopped him if she disagreed with what he was doing.
08/23/2010
gone77 gone77
I'm in agreement with NuMe. While I don't believe he is right by going through your things, whatever the reason, but you can expect only so much when living with parents as an adult. Your best bet is to find an alternative place to keep them or have a grown-up respectful conversation with your parents about your privacy and see if you can find common ground. Good luck!
08/23/2010
Sir Sir
Also, I agree that it is not morally sound to go through a child's things. I feel that it's a breach of an individual's privacy.
08/23/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
You should be entitled to privacy in your own room, but if it's their home and they don't want any adult play items there, then there's not much you can do but try to hide them better or perhaps keep them at your boyfriend's, or keep the larger toys at his place and just hide a favorite or two somewhere. It's terribly disrespectful of them to go through ALL your things and I wouldn't think they would unless they suspect something.
08/23/2010
B8trDude B8trDude
As an adult, you should really try to find a place of your own (even though it's difficult). You'll then be able to get all the privacy you want and will be much happier. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh but it really is your best option.
08/23/2010
Sinjo Sinjo
Eden sells a few lock boxes that lol decent. Perhaps buy one and get a lock to put on it?
08/23/2010
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I think it's disrespectful of him, but it is his house. Why don't you sit down with him and have a mature discussion with him about it? You don't have to bring up sex toys or anything of a sensitive nature, but just ask him why he is going through your belongings and mail. I agree with others that if you're going to live in his house, you should follow his rules. You have other options besides moving out.. have your packages mailed to and keep your toys at your boyfriend's house?
08/23/2010
DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by Sinjo
Eden sells a few lock boxes that lol decent. Perhaps buy one and get a lock to put on it?
I use a toolbox (like a hammer and nails toolbox ) for storage, because the toybox I had was meant to be used with smaller locks, diary-style locks and my neices and nephews used to practice opening thier siblings diary locks With the toolbox I have, a combo lock or strong key lock can be used.

The original poster talked about her father opening her door with a knife, so, there's obviously some serious breech of space going on so the stronger the lock the better, if it's going to be kept there.

The brand I have is a Stanley, and all of their toolboxes that I looked at had a place for locks. It's not pretty, but it does get the job done. Plus, if I leave it in my car, my parents don't get all weirded out that I have a toybox--its just my hammer.
08/23/2010
A Lovely Aphrodite A Lovely Aphrodite
Best thing would be to lock up your stuff and relocate your stash (since your mother asked you to not mention it to your father). I don't understand why a father would want to raid a grown child's room?... What good does it to anybody? None, except for some embarrassment & awkwardness from everybody.

Best of luck with your situation.
08/23/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Alright, here's the thing that I feel about this.

I feel that a child who lives and feeds off of the parents' resources should be respectful and open. There's no reason to not be, unless the parent is really closed-minded. In that ...
my mom says he's just nosy. She said she told him not to and I'm an adult who deserves privacy and said if I knew he was doing this I would be pissed. My relationship with my father is normal but I don't so much as even smoke ciggarets there's really nothing to suspect unless he was looking for porn dvds to take away from me..Toys can't be stored at my boyfriends because he lives over an hour away at his parents with lots of other people there and he has no actual bedroom and no door..he lives in the basement plus he complains he gets big spiders down there that have bit him in his sleep and the ghost in their house..2 things I'm afraid of. For the people who say be open an honest and I'm not acting like an adult if I don't talk to my parents about the items..I actually find it as disgusting as asking your parents about their sex life...its just creepy and wrong YUCK. as for moving out..in this town there is no where to live and many are sleeping in tents or cars. New apartments are bein built their not done and already there is no vacancy.
08/24/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by ......
Ok being the mother of 4 adult children, 1 lives here, I want to add my 2 cents.

It is disrespectful to go through someone else's personal property. You should have a right to some privacy.

But the fact of the matter is you ...
yes Ido treat them with respect I don't go through their mail or personal belongsing. its a one way street here. My dad can yell at me and when I say something back he gets angry and says my mouth gets me in trouble and I can go live on the street if I don't shut up. I've told him sounds like you would treat the dog better because you let it live in the house. I also say its unfair and disrespectful to treat me anyway you want or talk to me anyway you want and I'm not aloud to voice my opinion or feelings about it. But I'm just going to keep living here and hide stuff better.
08/24/2010
Envy Envy
Kinda in the same boat, 23 now, but.... my dad is surprising me and letting me do more and more now. o.O I found out by having a discussion with him one night out of depression. We've been going fishing and getting along a lot more. But I won't tell him about my toys, no way.

Bu if your dad is doing things to the extent he is, something is really wrong. But usually it takes two to tango. Perhaps you do things he doesn't like, or have a bit of attitude when you talk. Maybe work stresses him and he has no real outlet and you spark the fuse? Who knows. My dad went off the wall because of my mom for many years. It's taken him a long time to change, and he still is, but I still do get scared and worry.

I'd start saving money if I were you to try to go somewhere, try to get roommates, your bf, etc. Plan all possibilities. Also, keep receipts of things, if he tosses them, you can sue him for it since it's your property.
08/24/2010
deadpoet deadpoet
Wow! that has to suck.

it is so different in my house. Both my parents know everything I do and have in my room. My dad uses my closet in my room, and see all my new stuff on my computer desk. He is probably freaked out, but doesn't say anything.
08/24/2010
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
my mom says he's just nosy. She said she told him not to and I'm an adult who deserves privacy and said if I knew he was doing this I would be pissed. My relationship with my father is normal but I don't so much as even smoke ciggarets ...
Well, being open and honest does not mean giving all of the details of your sex life and dishing out every little thing. It just means that maybe you should talk to your father and tell him, "Look, I respect you as my father, but I feel that I deserve to have some privacy." Since you do not do anything out of line, I think that it should be reasonable to ask that - you're not hiding anything bad or illegal. I mean, if your father has problems with you speaking your mind to him like you said to NuMe, then you also need to talk to him about that too, because you are a human being who has your own mind and opinion.

Try it out. Worst comes to worst, he'll get a little ticked off, right? And in that case, you can do what you yourself suggested - get locking cases.
08/24/2010
Hannah Savage Hannah Savage
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
my mom told me. I'm not allowed to tell my father I know because my mom will get in trouble. I'm 22!! I loved hearing my dad going through all my drawers and finding adult items. It's actually disgusting thinking of my father going ...
My mother used to go through things in my room all of the time when I was away at work or school for the day. It also really irritated me, so I can understand how uncomfortable you are feeling.

When I was living at home I hid my toys in an art supply box that I no longer used, or in shoe boxes.

However, as some others have said, it IS their house and you are still living in it, regardless of your age. Yes, I would talk to not only your father but your mother as well. There seems to be a disconnect of respect between the triangle of you three. As an adult at 22, I would be the one to step up to the plate and confront both of them about this issue, voice your feelings, and get it over with. If they don't see the problem or it continues to persist, then buy a locking container of some sort that you can keep your things in.
08/24/2010
Annemarie Annemarie
Speaking as someone who lives with her dad still (I'm 21), I can see both sides.

It is his roof you're living under, and you don't pay any rent or anything, so, he has every right to search your stuff. That said, it's not very nice to do.

Luckily, my dad doesn't go into my room ever, and gives me my privacy.

Maybe you should have a frank talk with your parents about your concerns.
08/24/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Kinda in the same boat, 23 now, but.... my dad is surprising me and letting me do more and more now. o.O I found out by having a discussion with him one night out of depression. We've been going fishing and getting along a lot more. But I ...
my mom just says he's nosy. I am not doing anything he doesn't like that I can think of. He wasn't looking for vibrators but he came across them when digging in my drawers. It's pretty much impossible for me to save any money..when my phone contract is up in about 6 monthes I will have that money to save so I will save $70 a month. But there is so much I need to buy and I will buy a few things I want to. Not going to live my life wanting something forever such as a new winter coat,pajamas,a certain perfume,some teas I really like from a certain website...there are some other things I wisht o buy to help me on my journey to see if I can get this illness under control a new supplement other things. I spent my whole day craping in the bathroom..who has 5-10 bm's a day? well I think my body just went into evacuation mode after tons of time with not feeling done everyday..but who knows then again a few days I ate more than usualy and my body didn't handle it well...You see I donn't have much to look forward to at least I have my own bedroom and don't have to pay bills I can start on taking care of myself. I hate it more when things are taken from me or taken out of my bedroom or my mail being opened. Well If I ever get better someday then I will say I have more to look forward to. Right now I'm just holding on to the thought I will get better someday. Some hope,time and money is always on my mind
08/24/2010
Total posts: 28
Unique posters: 19