My dad goes through my bedroom. Awkward,ceepy,disrespe cful and DISGUSTING!

That's awful! Maybe hide them in the closet? Use grocery sacks hung on the hanger underneath your clothes.

I would be super mad too. Perhaps install a doorknob with a lock?
I'm not sure what I'd do...

Good luck!

Wow, that's crazy. If you aren't able to or won't move out, I'm not sure what to tell you. I couldn't handle that. I live in my in laws house (they own it, but not live there themselves), and I feel I have no privacy there! I wouldn't be able to handle that.

It's their house. Respect that. Technically it is their room. If you don't like it- then keep it someplace else or don't have it. I don't find it disrespectful or disgusting, he has every right to go through your stuff if it is in his house.

I am back to living with my mother for about 3-6 months. I told her upfront about my adult products, and had an adult conversation with her. I told her where I would be putting them so she wouldn't see them. She agreed not to go into the storage containers I have.

That's an adult agreement. If you can't have an adult conversation like that, then I don't have sympathy for you. You tout off your age, well then act like an adult.

This is going to sound really harsh, but I really can't stand when people whine about rules their parents/grandparents/r elatives put upon them when they are living in their family's house. If you don't like the rules of where you're living, find a different living situation. Live with your boyfriend. Get a second job. Get a job that doesn't require you to leave your home, since you're ill. Put up or shut up, is my motto. Bearing that in mind...


I agree with JonsBabydoll; it's their house, with their rules. If one of their rules is that you are not permitted to have sex toys or porn or whatever "ridiculous" rule they think up, you are responsible for abiding by their rules or suffering their consequences. Why can't you keep your sex toys at your boyfriend's house?

You say you want to live there, so suck it up and be a little more respectful--they don't HAVE to let you stay in their home, they are doing you the courtesy of letting you stay with them while you're ill. They are not responsible for feeding, clothing, or housing you (you say you can't pay your own bills, but you have a job, so maybe you should work on saving up money from that job to put towards a down payment or first month's rent, rather than buying porn/toys/a safe...) after you turn 18, so be a little more grateful.

Yes, it's intrusive and uncomfortable of them to actually go through your things, but maybe his reasoning wasn't to ~*spy on you*~ Maybe he was trying to be helpful and put your clothes away and didn't know which drawer they belonged in... Or maybe he was going through your drawers because he wanted to see what you were buying, instead of paying bills.

Ok being the mother of 4 adult children, 1 lives here, I want to add my 2 cents.

It is disrespectful to go through someone else's personal property. You should have a right to some privacy.

But the fact of the matter is you don't. He may not be correct by going through your things, but it is his house and like it or not he can do as he pleases.

With that said, there has been a lot of good advice on what to do. Either find a way to hide, move or lock up your things, or move out.

I understand you're sick and don't work and can't afford to live on your own. But he really doesn't have to let you stay. And your parents really are doing you a favor by continuing to support you even though you are an adult. Maybe try being really grateful for that and see how you can be a contributing factor instead of a problem. Because that's what real adults do.

The biggest problem with adult children living at home is that they expect to be treated like adults but don't think they have to act like one. Maybe try treating them like you do other people and you might find they begin to treat you the same. Either way, at least if you want to confront them about something, you have a leg to stand on. You've treated them maturely and with respect, and now you would like to be treated the same.

Alright, here's the thing that I feel about this.

I feel that a child who lives and feeds off of the parents' resources should be respectful and open. There's no reason to not be, unless the parent is really closed-minded. In that case, you have one of two options: abide by their rules, or leave.

Now, that being said, I am wondering just WHY your father went through your things, and why your MOTHER is telling you. This seems suspect to me, and makes me wonder what the situation is between you and your father. This seems odd to me, that a mother would come to her daughter talking about the father like he's some creep. Parents should agree on things. So what I want to know is, what's the deal with your father, what's your relationship with him, and why was he going through your things?

You need to be an adult and confront him. And if your mum gets in trouble, she deserves it. She should have stopped him if she disagreed with what he was doing.

I'm in agreement with NuMe. While I don't believe he is right by going through your things, whatever the reason, but you can expect only so much when living with parents as an adult. Your best bet is to find an alternative place to keep them or have a grown-up respectful conversation with your parents about your privacy and see if you can find common ground. Good luck!

Also, I agree that it is not morally sound to go through a child's things. I feel that it's a breach of an individual's privacy.

You should be entitled to privacy in your own room, but if it's their home and they don't want any adult play items there, then there's not much you can do but try to hide them better or perhaps keep them at your boyfriend's, or keep the larger toys at his place and just hide a favorite or two somewhere. It's terribly disrespectful of them to go through ALL your things and I wouldn't think they would unless they suspect something.

As an adult, you should really try to find a place of your own (even though it's difficult). You'll then be able to get all the privacy you want and will be much happier. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh but it really is your best option.

Eden sells a few lock boxes that lol decent. Perhaps buy one and get a lock to put on it?

I think it's disrespectful of him, but it is his house. Why don't you sit down with him and have a mature discussion with him about it? You don't have to bring up sex toys or anything of a sensitive nature, but just ask him why he is going through your belongings and mail. I agree with others that if you're going to live in his house, you should follow his rules. You have other options besides moving out.. have your packages mailed to and keep your toys at your boyfriend's house?

Best thing would be to lock up your stuff and relocate your stash (since your mother asked you to not mention it to your father). I don't understand why a father would want to raid a grown child's room?... What good does it to anybody? None, except for some embarrassment & awkwardness from everybody.

Best of luck with your situation.

Kinda in the same boat, 23 now, but.... my dad is surprising me and letting me do more and more now. o.O I found out by having a discussion with him one night out of depression. We've been going fishing and getting along a lot more. But I won't tell him about my toys, no way.

Bu if your dad is doing things to the extent he is, something is really wrong. But usually it takes two to tango. Perhaps you do things he doesn't like, or have a bit of attitude when you talk. Maybe work stresses him and he has no real outlet and you spark the fuse? Who knows. My dad went off the wall because of my mom for many years. It's taken him a long time to change, and he still is, but I still do get scared and worry.

I'd start saving money if I were you to try to go somewhere, try to get roommates, your bf, etc. Plan all possibilities. Also, keep receipts of things, if he tosses them, you can sue him for it since it's your property.

Wow! that has to suck.

it is so different in my house. Both my parents know everything I do and have in my room. My dad uses my closet in my room, and see all my new stuff on my computer desk. He is probably freaked out, but doesn't say anything.