Reality or bad manners? (poll about flaking on plans)

Very rude...but sooo common nowadays.

It's hard to say. I do have a couple of friends who consistently flake out on thing and that drives me bonkers, but I think for this situation it really depends on their reasons. If they got sick or something really important came up, it sucks, but somethings things happen that way. If they both flake out all the time and have really poor or no excuses, then it would bother me a lot.

1 week does not make it a habit. Could be just a coincidence.

I think it's rude and bad manners, AND it's becoming the norm. Bleh. My boyfriend is notorious for flaking. It's not that he means to, he just forgets. He doesn't make serious plans with someone and then just not show up, but he'll say, "Oh yeah I'll call you tomorrow and we'll make plans!" and then never calls. Before we were dating, he'd make tentative plans to hang out and play guitar with the guy I was dating at the time, and then just wouldn't pick up his phone. Drove the guy I was dating nuts.

no matter the decade it is just straight up rude!

I've had it done to me before a few times. "Something came up" is usually the excuse. If something really did come, that's understandable. But if not, give at least 24 hours notice, like for the doctor.

I guess it depends on the situation. If it is a frequent thing, then yes, very rude. I'm a big cancellor or plans myself, but I NEVER make plans with someone and give them a 100% sure I will be there. I have to lug a 9 month old, and 3 year old around with me where ever I'm going since I have no sitter, and I'm not about to take screaming or whiney babies on a lunch date =) I do however always give the option for my girlfriends to come over and hang out or have lunch if that's the kind of event I'm missing out on.

For the most part, I would say it is very rude, but if they have a legitimate reason for it and do not tend to lie or make up excuses, then it wouldn't bother me as much. I hate when it is an obvious lie, though.

That is rude as hell. It's only the norm if people continue to do it.

Get them to break the annoying habit by talking to them and telling them that you will no longer make plans to go out with them if they continue to do this. You will not put yourself in the position to be blown off.

That may not only change their behavior but will give them the skills to talk to the people who do it to them.

Yeah, it seems like people just give you lip service now. They say things without even thinking about the meaning behind it. I am a person of my word and this makes me insane!

I am with you on fact I am a person of my word. No matter how much it kills me I will keep my plans. I have one friend that we will bump plans for different times but you always make it work for the people close to you. Now I got to go call her. Man I miss my best friend.

I think it depends on why they flake and how often they do it. If it's their normal habit, I don't even invite them to do stuff anymore because it isn't worth it to me. But if they have health problems or something like that, they may not be able to control it, so they may really have to cancel. It does kind of seem like it's the new normal though, and I hate that!

I think it's rude. You shouldn't say you're going to do something unless you are going to make every effort to follow through on it.

Maybe it's the norm, but ugh that's still frustrating. I guess if someone didn't have a habit of canceling at the last minute and called to say something had come up, I wouldn't be upset. But if they always called to cancel, I'd start getting pretty frustrated.

It is extremely rude! If you make plans then you go through with them except for cases of emergencies. It should NOT be the norm! I am pretty good at keeping my word about going places. Sometimes things DO come up and I feel horrible about not following through. So I try to at least make it up to them.

That shit wouldn't fly with me.

Everybody does it and sometimes they do have good reasons for doing it

It depends on the person, and that persons' circumstances. I can understand once, or even a few times, but habitually making and breaking plans becomes a disregard for others' time. They deserve to be made aware of the annoyance, but if they don't make effort after that.... so long!

I don't mind so much if I get a call early enough in the day of the event or if an emergency pops up.

Of course, sometimes things pop up that absolutely need to be tended to directly, which necessitates in previous plans being put aside, but it is still bad manners - though, given specific circumstances, bad manners can always be forgiven.

Unfortunately that seems to be the way the world is going now. Very few people seem to have any manners or give a shit about anyone but themselves.
It's turning into a horrid world, which I have to shut off to otherwise I get so angry at inconsiderate people!

It is NOT "the new normal." When I was a teen and in my early 20s (and I'm more than a bit older than you are) my girlfriends canceled plans all the time! Especially if a guy called at the last minute.

My mother and MIL (both of whom are in their 70s) have said that when they were dating, their female friends would cancel plans at the last minute, again, if a boy was involved, but sometimes if they simply got a "better offer." (We're talking about the 1940s and 50s!) My grandmother complained that HER girlfriends did this; she dated in the 1920s!

I think it's terribly rude to do this to people. But, is has NOTHING to do with "the way things are NOW" or "the way things are going." Women have blown off their girl friends to hook up with guys since the Stone Age.

I found hanging out with guys much easier. But, even some guys flake out on plans. People are, and always have been rude.

I do need to add that trying to "change someone's behavior" by using punishment strategies or threats of such usually ends you in a world with fewer friends. People, even if they are rude, and are flaky, don't like being treated like children. Most will usually stop calling before they "change their behavior." Think about how hard it is to change your own behavior, then think about how hard it would be to change a friends'. Of course, you can talk to them, and let them know this is hurtful, but don't expect too many changes. People who do this usually continue to do so.

My husband and I have a friend (a couple actually) who uses the "Yeah... well, we'll see. Maybe.... I'm not sure. Probably, though." Then agreeing to plans, but we never knew for sure. We finally got so sick of this, basically telling us "We can't be counted on." That I started asking them, "What? Are you waiting for a better offer? Someone more interesting than The Man and I might call at the last minute?" They were also common last minute cancelers. I was pretty much ready to let the relationship with these people end anyway, not trying to change anybody.

I just got sick of these GROWN UPS who couldn't commit to an evening. My Man and I don't get out as much as they did, as they were childless and didn't own a home and most of their money was used for fun. When My Man and I GET to make plans, we don't like to be disappointed as it may be months before we'll be able to manage it again. OUR time was being wasted and we were being disrespected by these non-committal people.

Let's just say we've moved on. Nothing more frustrating than planning something with someone who can't commit to something as common as dinner plans.

I'm an adult, I expect my friends to act like adults. Making plans and sticking to them is an adult activity. Hedging, while maybe waiting for something more interesting to come around, or simply "not feeling like it now" isn't adult behavior.

It may be the norm, but it's still bloody rude. Unless the world is actually ending, or someone is actively bleeding out in front of me, I follow through on my commitments.

Sounds like the majority of people agree on this. It seems to be the norm now but I still hate it. I second what P'Gell said about being an adult and having responsibilities. There are times when cancelling has to be done and I'm understanding about that but don't cancel on me at the last minute or without letting me know because something "better" came up or you didn't feel like it anymore. Probably just bugs me because that's not the way I am.

I think it is rude, but I've had to cancel on one of my friends yesterday because someone called into work sick and I had to cover for them. I think it really depends on the situation.

Whenever someone cancels plans on me, I secretly wonder if I have an introvert on my hands. I cancel plans all of the time. I've been telling a girlfriend of mine that I will call her for oh I don't know about two weeks now? (She's drama-rific with two horribly-behaved children.) She exhausts me and I don't want to talk to her. I drop plans involving my own mother because I don't want to break my comfort bubble and deal with her. Cancel my subscription, I am through with your issues! Sometimes I have to cancel due to money reasons and I would like to save a little face by telling a white lie instead of someone else paying my way or even offering to do so. (Damn that Leo pride!) I also get really tense and anxious when I'm in the car these days so whenever I do go out I am usually very agitated by the time I get there.

Depends a lot on the reason, and how often they do it. One of my friends backed out twice in a row some time ago, but because she's normally so good about showing up, I didn't care.