Hmmm... My weaknesses, for sure. My biggest weakness is speaking UP. I am so easy to give in anytime I start feeling like someone wants me to or if they want something out of me, I feel wrong not to give anybody whatever they want! It's crazy. I realized I have to get some control over this recently when I even jeapordized my own damn health just to please someone who wanted me to get a vaccine when I didn't want it at all and was sure I didn't. But hey, if it makes them happy! I don't know why I do this. I have a problem with confrontation. I tend to be weak when it comes to standing up to people, even family. I mean, people can flat out crap on me and do me very wrong and I often feel "wrong" to say something. I will complain and even sometimes loudly say how I feel in hopes they will hear it, but cannot come to their face and say "look you little M-fer, you are doing me wrong and not even respecting me or this house." Nope. Not me. Gotta be the good guy at all times. It has to stop and I am working on that, a little. Lol. I realized it a lot this past month between a certain couple of family members who have just walked all over me and not even cared to respect the house or what I ask of them. It's very out of control. Yet I still don't have the nerve to say something and I don't know why I don't. I want to know why, that way I can fix it, so I've been doing some "soul searching" trying to figure out why I do this. I don't know if it's a people pleaser thing or what. Maybe it's this thing I do -- wanting to make everybody around happy and want to be the good guy.

Anyways, that's the biggest thing I need to change. I need to just say "stop fucking putting your wads of hair in the toilet and stopping it up. I've asked you 10 times!" The closest I've finally came to saying something was tonight when it happened yet again and I said "Welp, the toilet wouldn't flush thanks to that damn wad of hair. Either someone has cut their hair and put it in the toilet again or the toilet's growing a wig." I couldn't just leave it at being uspet. Had to throw a light-hearted joke in so I didn't hurt feelings! I need to step up, really.

Something else I'd change about my life? Hmmm... Well, if I said it, it would be mean. Lol. I'll just say, I'd change the way the people around me treat certain people and I'm not even talking about how they treat me, this time. I'm talking about what they've done to other people, which in turn does cause me serious hardship because it puts me in a very stuck situation where I need to be two different people at the same time. But I would love to change how they do these certain people, that way these certain people could feel safe again when they're around. So they could have some kind of guidelines and respect. It's one of those just 3 people can't do it all type of situations.

The third thing... I'd change... I guess I'd change how I sometimes let time slip by when I really planned on using it to do something really important or special or even therapeutic. I sometimes just get sucked into doing something and then end up not getting to do something that I needed or could use. That's not a huge thing, but it's a third thing I can think of at the moment. less