The New Intimacy

What do you do when your sex drive is gone?

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Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Recently, well.. a few months now.. I haven't really had a sex drive. I don't want to have sex. I like to cuddle and kiss, but no sex. I don't know why. I'm on medications but they don't have that side effect. I love him so dearly and would love to have my sex drive back, but it isn't there. I almost feel like I've failed even though he says he will wait for me to find it again.

I want to have crazy kinky sex. I want paddles and whips and floggers. I want wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs and spreader bars. I want nipple clamps and clit clamps. I want butt plugs and double penetration. I want surprise sex in the kitchen and in the hallway. I want him to choke me and call me his dirty slut. I want him to fuck my ass whenever he wants. I miss all of that, and more.

When you lose your sex drive, what do you do? I can't find mine. I'd really like to be into my hot extreme kinky sex again.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I lose my sex drive a lot, Let me give you some advice!
tiniest bird
1
I don't ever lose my sex drive!
solitudinarian , js250 , Stagger13 , amazon , Ganconagh , Scrawberry78 , dv8 , Supervixen , Bethy Cassatt , remember.me , yw2 , Gunsmoke , T&L
13
I sometimes lose my sex drive, Let me give you some pointers!
Lucifer the Cat , Vaginas , Lildrummrgurl7 , KrissyNovacaine , Feisty , unfulfilled , Terri69 , CaliGirl , TWE112 , kitty1949 , SimpleTeaser , Ex-prude , Sinfully , jr2012 , Missmarc , charmedtomeetyou , bayosgirl , edenguy , Andrey2052
19
My partner wishes I didn't have such a high sex drive!
Dixiemomma , epiphanyjayne , solitudinarian , KrissyNovacaine , PropertyOfPotter , Chefbriapink , padmeamidala , Bethy Cassatt , LoooveMonkey , True Pleasures
10
My partner wishes that I had more of a sex drive!
LusciousLollypop , Lucifer the Cat , PassionCpl , TheGreat , Ex-prude , Deeder , butts
7
Other -- Please Explain!
BusyMe , Princess Zelda , Deeder , tiniest bird
4
Total votes: 54 (47 voters)
Poll is closed
08/07/2012
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Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
my Mister wishes i had that problem hehe only thing He claims scares Him about me is my sex drive.... it still could be the meds, just because its not listed that just means they haven't encountered that side effect yet. talk to your Dr about it
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Dixiemomma
my Mister wishes i had that problem hehe only thing He claims scares Him about me is my sex drive.... it still could be the meds, just because its not listed that just means they haven't encountered that side effect yet. talk to your Dr about it
I definitely will. Thank you, sweets.
08/07/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Yes, I agree with Mad's princess. Sounds like a good idea to check in with your doctor. Between illnesses themselves and the combination of meds, it can have quite an effect on sex drive. Might be a good idea to get your hormones checked too, sometimes a hormone imbalance can be to blame for loss of libido.

Keep hanging in there!! Best wishes!
08/07/2012
Contributor: Lucifer the Cat Lucifer the Cat
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
Recently, well.. a few months now.. I haven't really had a sex drive. I don't want to have sex. I like to cuddle and kiss, but no sex. I don't know why. I'm on medications but they don't have that side effect. I love him so dearly ... more
I am having this exact same issue! I feel for you, I really do. It's so frustrating!
08/07/2012
Contributor: Lucifer the Cat Lucifer the Cat
I recently bought some arousal gel from Eden because of this issue. It hasn't arrived yet, but after I try it out I'll let you know if it helps or not.
08/07/2012
Contributor: epiphanyjayne epiphanyjayne
for the most part I always want to have sex, but there are months where I just don't think about it, don't have time, or have the energy. Some times it's just a mental block you need to work out, or could be a hormonal thing. if it's persistent and really affecting your life then talk to your Doctor.
08/07/2012
Contributor: Vaginas Vaginas
my sex drive seems to come and go. sometimes I don't feel like it for weeks. then other times I get really horny and do it several times a day. my tips would be to not sweat it if you don't feel like having sex. and if you do want to spice things up or something, try out something that you aren't used to doing. something different. it doesn't even have to be too kinky, unless you want it to be just something that isn't common in your sex life
08/07/2012
Contributor: Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
Since I've been on birth control, my sex drive has diminished. However, I do still miss sex. I sort of fake it til I make it. I won't force myself into having sex if I really don't want to but I purposely do things to arouse myself to put myself in the mood before I attempt anything. The more I have sex or masturbate, the more I want it in the future.
08/07/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
Do you think it is related subconsciously to losing your baby? Are you punishing yourself--from guilt, feeling of loss or inadequacy? Are you deeply mad inside at yourself? I had all these feelings and punished myself and my partner-exhusband, but we were married at the time--after I lost my baby years ago. (I also blamed him and he had nothing to do with the miscarriage).

Huge hugs!! Feel free to message me-I am always willing to help others if I can. Maybe you should ask your doctor if you could be suffering from post partum depression .
08/07/2012
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
I was on medication that lowered it. Just because the meds don't have a listed side effect, how they interact together in your system can be lowering it.
08/07/2012
Contributor: Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
I've only had that happen during a bout of depression. Are you depressed?
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Yes, I agree with Mad's princess. Sounds like a good idea to check in with your doctor. Between illnesses themselves and the combination of meds, it can have quite an effect on sex drive. Might be a good idea to get your hormones checked too, ... more
I am definitely going to take your advice. Thank you so much.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Lucifer the Cat
I am having this exact same issue! I feel for you, I really do. It's so frustrating!
It is EXTREMELY frustrating. Lol!
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Lucifer the Cat
I recently bought some arousal gel from Eden because of this issue. It hasn't arrived yet, but after I try it out I'll let you know if it helps or not.
Definitely let me know I'd really appreciate it.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by epiphanyjayne
for the most part I always want to have sex, but there are months where I just don't think about it, don't have time, or have the energy. Some times it's just a mental block you need to work out, or could be a hormonal thing. if it's ... more
Hmm.. a mental block. That almost sounds like that could be it.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Vaginas
my sex drive seems to come and go. sometimes I don't feel like it for weeks. then other times I get really horny and do it several times a day. my tips would be to not sweat it if you don't feel like having sex. and if you do want to spice ... more
I do a lot of "different" things. Maybe one day it will work.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by Lildrummrgurl7
Since I've been on birth control, my sex drive has diminished. However, I do still miss sex. I sort of fake it til I make it. I won't force myself into having sex if I really don't want to but I purposely do things to arouse myself to put ... more
I've tried masturbating and watching porn. I've tried reading erotica and literally bought like 6 books. It just.. isn't there. I don't know why. Some days it is there, but for the most part, I have to force myself into making it there. And I don't want to HAVE to do that each and every time, if that makes sense.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Do you think it is related subconsciously to losing your baby? Are you punishing yourself--from guilt, feeling of loss or inadequacy? Are you deeply mad inside at yourself? I had all these feelings and punished myself and my partner-exhusband, but we ... more
I'm really not sure. I still think about it. I've had sex after that happened. I definitely think that I have post postpartum depression. PTSD or something like that. I don't think that is entirely it but it may be a cause. Honestly, I didn't even connect those dots. I'll definitely call my doctor today and see what is going on with the hormones/depression. I've been taking new medications too, who knows? right? lol!
08/07/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I would think a mixture of the loss and the meds might be the issue. Even though the meds don't say that's a side effect, we all react to things in different ways.

If you're wanting to kiss and cuddle and be close but NOT have sex, do you think maybe your subconsicous is scared you're going to get pregnant again and go through another loss?

It's amazing how the body reacts to trauma, and if this has only been an issue since the loss, I would look further into that being a larger part of the cause.

I've been there with loss, it doesn't take a short period of time to get over. It's a big thing and it's okay to still think about it and have feelings about it.

Take things one day at a time. I'm glad to hear that your man is sticking by you through this! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! I'm always here to listen if nothing else, but you already know that! ()
08/07/2012
Contributor: Chefbriapink Chefbriapink
My girlfriend and I had a nice romantic dinner, she flirted with me all day, then that night she put on some lingerie, did a little sexy dance, did some new things in the bedroom and my drive was rejuvenated lol
08/07/2012
Contributor: Chefbriapink Chefbriapink
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
I've tried masturbating and watching porn. I've tried reading erotica and literally bought like 6 books. It just.. isn't there. I don't know why. Some days it is there, but for the most part, I have to force myself into making it ... more
That makes perfect sense. Maybe you should talk it over with your doctor, it may be a deeper, lingering issue.
08/07/2012
Contributor: Feisty Feisty
I don't typically lose my sex drive, but I do its usually due to stress - so I try to take a a few hours out of my busy schedule to relax and spend time with my guy
08/07/2012
Contributor: BusyMe BusyMe
Quote:
Originally posted by Lildrummrgurl7
Since I've been on birth control, my sex drive has diminished. However, I do still miss sex. I sort of fake it til I make it. I won't force myself into having sex if I really don't want to but I purposely do things to arouse myself to put ... more
You should try the nova ring or talk to your doctor.. It's kinda important that the birth control has no side effects.
08/07/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
If it's post partam depression, try taking some Fish Oil supplements with DHA in them. DHA is wonderful for getting our mind back in line. They recommend it for kids while thye're young and their brain is still developing. Fish oil can also help with other things besides mood.
08/07/2012
Contributor: Princess Zelda Princess Zelda
We both have kinda lost our sex drive. good luck
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
I would think a mixture of the loss and the meds might be the issue. Even though the meds don't say that's a side effect, we all react to things in different ways.

If you're wanting to kiss and cuddle and be close but NOT have sex, ... more
You should seriously be my therapist. LOL You know that? I wrote an article and I quoted you in it, I hope you don't mind.

I think it could be a mixture of the loss and the meds. I'm only on one new medication to help me not think at night and sleep. I just think my boyfriend expects me to just become.. his girlfriend again and all that entitles. You know what I'm talking about. And I haven't felt up to it, at all. I've tried. and I just kinda.. break down and cry. So I don't try anymore. We tried having just vanilla sex, but he says it was boring. He says he will wait till I "feel up to it" more, but how much can a man take? Who knows.

I'm still doing this day by day, honestly. I know you are here to listen. You are such a sweetheart. I wish I could hug you. Lol.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by BusyMe
You should try the nova ring or talk to your doctor.. It's kinda important that the birth control has no side effects.
That is actually an excellent idea. I've been wanting to switch to a birth control that has less hormones. I want Mirana, but I've heard horror stories. So, now I want the regular -- no hormone IUD. Even the implanton because it has less hormones added. Thanks for your advice.
08/07/2012
Contributor: LusciousLollypop LusciousLollypop
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
If it's post partam depression, try taking some Fish Oil supplements with DHA in them. DHA is wonderful for getting our mind back in line. They recommend it for kids while thye're young and their brain is still developing. Fish oil can also ... more
Really, Fish oil? I've never heard of that for depression. I will definitely go buy some at walgreens. I see it all the time and always wondered what it was really or. Maybe it will help. I'm open to anything right now. Thank you so much. That sounds like a great plan.
08/07/2012
Contributor: padmeamidala padmeamidala
Quote:
Originally posted by LusciousLollypop
Recently, well.. a few months now.. I haven't really had a sex drive. I don't want to have sex. I like to cuddle and kiss, but no sex. I don't know why. I'm on medications but they don't have that side effect. I love him so dearly ... more
I have a very high sex drive. It doesn't take me long to get it back when it does go away. Usually during my period or extreme stress it will go away for a while. I put on some porn or read an erotic story and it will come back.
08/07/2012