Breakup/Dating Buffer Time

Breakup/Dating Buffer Time

DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Is there an appropriate amount of time to wait after the ending of one relationship, before you enter into the dating scene again? Is it shorter if you're the one who ended it? Should there always be a six week grace period? Is the time of 'mourning' proportional to the time of dating?

How long is not long enough? And is the relationship following the demise of a long term relationship always doomed to be the rebound?
02/10/2011
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
It REALLY depends on the person. I had a rebound the very next day after I told my husband our marriage was over. Lasted four months. I hadn't been with anyone since, but I'm going on my first date in a couple of days so ... it's been about eleven months between the end of my rebound and this. But I require a recovery period no matter what.
02/10/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
As someone who is currently in that situation: ...I have no idea.

I don't think there's a universal "best way to do it" that applies to everyone. I think it's definitely a case-by-case thing. It's been almost 6 months for me (damn...) and I have yet to be on a serious date, but not for lack of trying. I do believe being on the singles scene would help me but it's so hard to get started when I haven't been single in 8 years.

I have thought about the old adage "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." And I've definitely considered it. But I'm kinda picky when it comes even to one-night-stands so no luck there yet either.

Also, I think there's a difference between starting casual dating/relationships and a serious one. Too soon would turn it into a rebound and that's not fair to the other party. But if it's casual, why not use it to help you heal? And I have to disagree that ALL following relationships will become rebounds. But there is definitely a correlation so caution is necessary.
02/10/2011
PussyGalore PussyGalore
I think it's appropriate to move into another relationship when you can honestly say that you can be a healthy addition to that person's life, emotionally speaking. If you're still comparing your ex to future candidates or living in the past, it's not time.
02/10/2011
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
Is there an appropriate amount of time to wait after the ending of one relationship, before you enter into the dating scene again? Is it shorter if you're the one who ended it? Should there always be a six week grace period? Is the time of ...
It completely depends on the context.

If I was in love when it sadly ended, I'd wait atleast 6-12 months. I like to take my time to heal and move on.
02/10/2011
Beaners Beaners
Psh. Buffer time. I have always had another guy lined up before I even broke up with the guy I was dating. (I'm an awful person. Oh well.)
02/10/2011
Eden C. Eden C.
I took 2 years after a horrific, abusive relationship. Normally it takes me about 1 year. I take things too seriously.
02/26/2011
froggiemoma froggiemoma
depends on the person and how long they need
04/14/2011
froggiemoma froggiemoma
depends on the person and how long they need
04/14/2011
indiglo indiglo
I agree with what has been stated... it definitely depends on the individual. It depends on how long the previous relationship was, how healthy it was, and why you want to get back into the dating scene. If someone just hates being alone, then it won't work. But if they have healed and are ready to move forward and build a life with someone new, it has a good chance. I think it's healthier not to just jump right into a new relationship immediately though. Personally, I've found it's best to give yourself time to figure out what went wrong, what part I played in it (if any), what I want in a new partner and what I can do differently next time. But I don't think there can really be any hard and fast rule because every person is different and every relationship is different. I would say don't rush though, I think that's a very safe rule.
04/14/2011
PiratePrincess PiratePrincess
It just needs to be enough time to get over it personally. That amount of time differs for everyone. I know people who jump right in the next day, and those that wait a long time and it works well for whatever individual is doing it.
04/14/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I heard half as much time as the relationship lasted is the "appropriate" wait time, but it's really up to the person.

I wouldn't make a mandatory waiting time; it's nor fair to yourself or the lucky next person.
04/15/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Rebound relationships are by-and-large a bad idea. When I left my 1st wife, I waited 1 year before dating again. By then the divorce was final and my head was clear. I dated for another 10 years before finding my new wife - it was worth the wait.
04/15/2011
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by PussyGalore
I think it's appropriate to move into another relationship when you can honestly say that you can be a healthy addition to that person's life, emotionally speaking. If you're still comparing your ex to future candidates or living in the ...
I like this line of thinking.
04/15/2011
GravyCakes GravyCakes
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
Is there an appropriate amount of time to wait after the ending of one relationship, before you enter into the dating scene again? Is it shorter if you're the one who ended it? Should there always be a six week grace period? Is the time of ...
for me personally, i won't start dating again until it's been at least 2 months. if i start any earlier, i just end up looking for someone who will help with the lonely feeling instead of actually getting to know them & see if i really like them. i've always been the 1 to get broken up w/, so idk if it would be different the other way around, but i do think that there should be a short period where u don't date, sort things out, & give urself time to re-examine ur last relationship so u don't end up making the same mistakes that ended the previous 1s.
05/03/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
I think the waiting period is however long until you feel comfortable with the idea of loving another person again. Casual relationships can come sooner.

My sis does NOT wait at all. She hasn't been single since like freshman year of high school (now on her 4th boyfriend since then). On the last two transitions to new boyfriends, I swear she was already cheating with the new guy before she broke up with the old guy. She is a bad example to me, partially because she doesn't spend any time figuring out how she identifies herself; she just can't live without having a boyfriend (or some friends with benefits if she has to wait a week or two before dating again).

For some people, hopping immediately to another relationship after a breakup can be perfectly ok. My problem with my sister using this method is that she depends on a boyfriend for an identity. That is NOT a reason to shorten the wait time between relationships.
05/03/2011
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 15