How do you deal with your special someone when they put up their emotional walls?

Contributor: edeneve edeneve
emotional walls are a way we protect ourselves emotionally. they also keep us from truly connecting w/ those we care for. how do you deal with your special someone when they put up their emotional walls?
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Contributor: indiechick indiechick
I am working through this with my boyfriend right now. We have been together 5 months and I am finally letting my walls down, but his are still up and i understand it. I am very busy with work right now (I am a teacher and September sucks) but we are trying and instead of working with me it's like the walls are pushing me away and it's very hurtful. He wants to be able to let me in but doesnt seem to know how. Every night we talk. like really sit and turn off all distractions and just talk about our feelings and what we feel is missing between us. It's really helping.
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I break through them. I refuse to let the subject just lie on the table. That's not what relationships are about. I demand this from friends as well as my husband. Funny thing is when the table gets flipped, I get super angry about being pushed to talk. I do anyway and everything gets worked out, but there are times where I'm just too angry to put it into words right then.
Contributor: sweet434cream sweet434cream
Sometimes you have o step back and look at the full picture and figure out why there are emotional walls being put up, and as a couple start tearing down the bricks one at a time and sooner or later as time goes by and trust is placed with each other the walls will be torn down. It is a process, if you push someone to tear them down you can cause more to be built up. So take your time talk and you will begin to see them torn down and stay down
Contributor: shorejen9 shorejen9
We don't have emotional walls. We are partners and share everything. We've always been like that. You can't hide things and keep things bottled up in a relationship. Eventually it will come out and usually it isn't pretty.
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
We worked through this. It takes time and the building of trust. If there are walls, it is usually because someone that they should have been able to trust and depend on let them down. Build up your partner and show you have integrity and are trustworthy. The walls will come down eventually. Just remember if they do let you behind the walls that trust is something you must be responsible with.
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
I've gotten very disgruntled with having to always talk & he says just let things happen. I'm stuck here.....
Contributor: CinnamonNights CinnamonNights
I'm not too sure if I can fully answer this, for in my relationship everything is pretty open until we fight. Unfortunately now is one of those moments so hopefully my judgement isn't too clouded. Though to be honest I suppose I make more walls than I break.
From what I can figure out in my experience, a way to get by emotional walls is to sincerely care about the other persons thoughts and feelings. Even if their thoughts and feelings seem dumb or senseless to you, and you think it isn't important. It's very important to them, and people don't like their feelings belittled. You have to try and understand from their point of view: Talk to them, listen to them, and try not to be biased about it. If someone expresses their worries to you about something, one of the worst things you can do is to crumple it up and throw it in their face. Take a break to cool off if you need a few minutes but don't flat out abandon them when they need you. If you are reliable, trust worthy, and willing to communicate with someone they will open up to you in time.