I'm sorry you had those experiences. You didn't deserve that.

I like Airen Wolf's answers. Counseling could be a good way to deal with what you've been through and to learn strategies for the future. Ask your doctor.

I've always found the best way to meet people I'll get along with is to simply do the things I enjoy doing. In my case, it's hiking and other outdoor sports; whatever it is for you, participating with a group can be a safe way to meet, and get to know, like-minded people. I've always just let relationships find me, rather than looking for them. In my experience, that's what works best.

As far as "honesty", of course you don't want to LIE, but there's no need to offer full disclosure to everyone. Keeping things on a "need-to-know" basis is a good policy for anything personal, I've always found. There's no good reason, IMO, for a person you're thinking of dating to know how many partners you have had or haven't had, or what happened between you and them. When you do meet the right person, and get close enough to him that you feel comfortable and safe sharing these things, then you can share. If you want to. Until then, nobody needs to know but you, and perhaps your therapist/counselor.

I would be honest from the start.

Great advice!! I wish you the best in your search to empower yourself. It is not easy to start, but once you have made a couple steps--you will feel much better about yourself.

I am guessing this is not all relationship related. You sound frustrated and also very isolated/insecure and have a low esteem from your situation. You are not the only one that has had to move back in with relatives due to student loan debts. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of about living in the basement and paying your bills!! For starters, be proud you are being responsible and paying the debts!! Also for getting the education--it is too easy to take the easy way out and slough off college and paying your bills. My respect!!

As for the relationship, take it slow. Make male friends first--then go from there. I am not talking the creepy ones from High school, but true friends. Your female friends may be able to help on this one to get nice and decent guys that share your interests.

If you need to talk, message me--I am here for you and share alot of your story. (Way back when-but still remember it.

After having read your post and mulled it a bit, I can partially identify - though I've never been sexually assaulted, I'm in my mid-30's and actually have had EXTREMELY little experience before my current love. I've gotten flack for it from the immature guys I've dated since my divorce (oh, and my marriage was celibate, too), but the higher quality guys will be understanding and patient when you do get to the point of being physically intimate. Any guy that isn't is just in it for himself.

In the meantime, I really do agree with Airen that you should seek out therapy to help yourself heal and eventually attract emotionally healthy safe men. It really does work, as those immature asses I dated were before I began working through my crap, and I've been attracting more stable men as I work on it.

Be kind to yourself, take your time to work on you and your situation. Things will improve.

Okay...I need a "like" button for a lot of these posts. Rhazya, I was once in a very similar position to where you are now. I'm wondering, what was your childhood like? Perhaps there was some physical abuse going on? Perhaps, like me, you weren't physically abused, but were emotionally abused by a parent or other person in your life? (This would include name-calling, frequent angry outbursts, overly harsh punishments such as destruction of your favorite things, etc.).

The man I married, at 27, was not really a bad guy, but he did talk me into doing sexual things I really didn't want to do. I blamed myself at the time for not being firm about my own desires, but he should have respected my boundaries and not pushed. I began drinking a lot, and we fought a lot. At 30, I realized I was more than just "bicurious" and left my husband, began dating women...and my first serious girlfriend was extremely emotionally abusive, AND verbally bullied and manipulated me into doing sexual thinks that I didn't want to do and/or were painful for me, and it turned out that she had paranoid schizophrenia. Wow, did I know how to pick 'em!

That relationship taught me a LOT about myself and who I wanted to be with, however, and after the break-up I went back to college (which was great for my self-esteem all by itself) and got some confirmation/validatio n of my conclusions in my psychology classes. I started paying attention to red flags when I dated someone, respecting my own comfort levels and boundaries, and ended a two-month dating relationship when she started acting jealous and tried to talk me into seeing her when I felt like having an evening alone. I then took a year off from dating, and just spent time making myself happy.

Now, finally, at almost 38, I'm in a healthy relationship with an amazing woman who is supportive, sweet, and respectful of my wants and needs. So, baby steps! As others have suggested, don't worry about dating for a while. Try to focus on developing your own interests, as that will improve your self-esteem and value in your own eyes.

Finding an understanding therapist with whom you feel comfortable would be a big help, as well. And I want to point out that, though you may not think much of yourself right now, I can see several very positive things about you just from your post here. You are educated (or you wouldn't have student loans to pay back!); you are responsible (or you wouldn't be paying those loans!); you write clearly and articulately, and are obviously intelligent; you're self-aware and self-analytical; and you took the initiative to post here in search of advice. There is a powerful woman inside you, and you will learn to trust that.

Honesty go slow.... Be honest! Little steps...

A lot of guys like girls without of lot of dating or sexual experience what guy wants to marry a girl that sleeps with so many people they can't count. Just tell them you don't have much Experience I just wouldn't tell them everything upfront unless you see yourself being together for a long time I just think it would hurt to tell someone something that sensitive for it to only last a few days or weeks.

Honesty is always the best policy. Also imagine if you start dating someone, lie about your past, then have to tell that person you lied. Not a good start to the relationship.

I agree with everyone that you should be honest. Don't spit everything out at once. I have been raped and I told my boyfriend before we got serious. He was so supportive of it and actually helped me work through it.

Wishing you the best!

I agree, go slow. And if someone is overwhelmed by what you've been through then they aren't worth it. You wouldn't want to date someone who would be scared off by these things anyway.

I think if you start as friends, you should be honest before it leads to a relationship. If it becomes a relationship right away, be honest before being intimate. Don't be afraid, if he can't accept it, he isn't worth it.