Suddenly Single

I tthink the biggest thing for me was trying not to call for the little things, when your so invested in the person after all these years and you see something on tv and immediately grab your phone to text them. Its hard situating, figuring out who you are as a singular person. I suggest doing something stupid, not like get drunk act a fool but go on a trip or take a class of something youve always wanted to learn.

I honestly dont think guys have a problem when they are single over 30. Girls like older men.

I dunno im sorry things didnt work out for you but im sure youll figure it out and move forward.

JR, I'm sorry to hear that you and she are no longer together. *hugs*

And to answer your questions - I am 34 and am in a relationship after ending a ten year marriage. It's normal to feel that you 'have no time left' when you're over 30 and alone, but that certainly isn't the case. You are still considered young, and there are still plenty of single older geek women around ... you just have to look elsewhere now.

Elsewhere really depends on what you're comfortable with. You could try online dating. You could also join a local geek group at the bookstores or gamer/comic shops. Join a coed amateur sports team or the gym. If you don't mind single moms, there's the park and such.

When the ex has another partner, it's going to feel uncomfortable of course. Just today I found out Mulder is in a relationship with some other chick that he's known for years (and she's probably wearing the lingerie I left at his place, too - she's also lushly built), and it still felt weird even though it's been a year-and-a-half since he dumped me without telling me. Just don't go crazy, it's not good for your own peace of mind.

In essence, take the time out if you need to. Look carefully and feel out the types of places your type would hang out at. Take your time, especially if you don't want it to be rebound.

Again, I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I am sorry about your break-up, it is scary as hell but also can be very liberating to be single. I went through this myself, and survived but it was a very learning process.

People still date after 30, it is just more casual and if you have group dates or gatherings it takes the pressure off for the first few times you date.

As far as the sex toys, that will probably come a bit after you get to know each other, but you will explain your job, what Edens is all about and slowly introduce your partner to the benefits of toys. Leave some reviews or toy articles laying in convenient areas, bathroom is a good one, for her to read and get curious about. When people realize toys are not kinky, but more mainstream, they are more open to them.

Meeting people can be interesting and usually happpens when you least expect it. What hobbies or activities do you enjoy? Did you compromise during your relationship due to lack of interest on their part? Try some of these out and see if there are people who interest you.

When my ex had another partner I felt sad and angry. Kind of the I don't want you, but don't want anyone else to be with you either' deal. Petty, but normal. You do get over it and find your own happiness.

Take time to heal and deal with the issues that happen after a break up or it will be an added strain to a future relationship. We all come with baggage, but there is no sense adding more luggage than necessary. You will pay for it later.

Good luck, hope something I wrote helps!! I wish you the best and hope you find what you need very soon.

I am so sorry about your breakup. I haven't been in the dating scene in awhile, but my piece of advice to you is to find yourself again. Do all of the things you did before you met this person and get back in tune with who you are and the things you may/may not have sacrificed for the relationship. It'll help you later on when you're out in the dating world. Hang out in places where people who like to do things you enjoy are---if you like music, go to a place that has local bands. Good luck to you!

JR, congratulations on your freedom. when i find myself independent is when i find myself the happiest. if i were you i'd try to take the time to focus on masturbation in every aspect of my life. do everything for you, to please you, to delve deeper into discovering you.



and maybe adopt a new pet.

Sorry to here this JR.

Sorry to say I have no advice to give, it has been so long since I dated I would not even know where to start. Thankfully there is some great advice so far for you. Take it slow and easy, things will work out for you I am sure.

As far as the toys go, while I would not just jump out and talk about on the first date (Unless the subject comes up), it is a big part of your life. Any person that is freaked out by it is not going to work anyhow, ya know?

JR, congradolences. The end of a long-term relationship really sucks, but it will also open up new (and, apparently necessary) opportunities for you.

People over thirty still date. Your dating pool is still pretty large...

As other folks have mentioned, dive into the things you like most about yourself, or hobbies you may have put off during the relationship (I always spend a lot of time with my One True Love, My Bicycle after a breakup). If your hobbies lend themselves to meeting new groups of people, there's a great place to start meeting new folks. Or, hey, we'd be glad to proofread your OKCupid profile for you And I'm not even kidding. When I've dated folks in the late-twenties-early-th irties set, I met one through mutual friends at a board-gaming birthday party, and another through OKCupid.

Take time to have fun before you settle into another serious relationship. Whether that means casual dating or a few months all to yourself, or some kind of mix. Enjoy yourself.

I know I've never met you, but you seem like a resourceful, reliable, hilarious man. I'd be thrilled to meet you in a hypothetical situation where I lived wherever you live---and I'm sure there are non-hypothetical people who do live near you, so give them the pleasure of meeting you.

Sitting by your mailbox on a lawnchair with your Cowboy sitting on an empty lawnchair next to you seems like a good ice-breaker, yes?

Aww JR, I'm really sorry to hear that, especially since I'm not single anymore... ah if only.

Seriously, it's really hard when you are the one being dumped, you do not have as much time to prepare for the break up - usually. But at 30, you are also still young. Meeting new people and joining activity groups, like Chilipepper said, is a good idea. Connect with friends until you feel better and ready to date again.

As for the toys, why make an issue of it. When I started dating again, the few rare times I did and it went beyond one date, I would be straightforward with it, "Look, I'm horny and I have more toys than the regular sex toy store, deal with it." It worked, I have a happy boyfriend now.

We love you

I don't have any personal experiences to provide inspiration unfortunately

It's going to hurt no matter how quickly or long your ex finds someone and it will probably do the same thing to her once she knows you find someone yourself.

Like chilipepper said join clubs and such but do things that interest you, that way you will meet someone with a common interest and you can move on from there to learn more about this person. Also take this as an opportunity to do things you were holding back on doing (like taking motorcycle lessons?!) and really get out there. Going to the gym will boost your endorphins and make you feel good, it helps fight the negative feelings you may be experiencing.

For the sex toys, just tell the girl they came with the house and you didn't want to get rid of them or that you are too poor to adopt children so you bought sex toys and gave them all names so that they could keep you company or tell her the truth...your a sex addict

Cheer up, if you feel blue you have a great community to turn to!

Thanks for the encouragement!

Actually, one thing she didn't like about me was the going out on Sat night and LARPing. I only did it once or twice while she was around and waited till she was gone for the summer before getting more involved in it. It's fun social stuff I enjoy.

I'm also approaching this as a "focus on me" time too. Not that I've really let myself go, but I'm definitely not out looking.

With that link to xkcd though, age/2 + 7 ...she's still a year under that age now. I guess we're just at different times in our lives.

I'm so sorry your relationship is ending, JR. I really don't have any advice. I agree with you that this is a good time to do things for YOU and enjoy time when you can.

You need to heal, and Love will find you when you are ready again.

Hugs and Love,

P'Gell

We're talking again and meeting up tomorrow for dinner.

We have a lot of talking to do...

Beer and hugs right back to you!

You can be like me and just watch 500 Days of Summer and do all of the things you couldn't do before. Enjoy not having to answer to anyone. Do things that you've been meaning to do. Find a new hobby. Reconnect with yourself.

I've often wondered how I'd explain all of my toys if I started dating someone again. It's not something I keep much of a secret. When you work anywhere related to retail, you'll usually end up with a collection of things from that place. When you look at it that way, it's not weird, right? I've just always wondered what to keep and what to throw away.

Being single again gives you the opportunity to meet lots of new people. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a member of Okcupid.com which is much more relaxed and casual (not to mention more awesome) than other dating sites. You can find people with similar interests and make some new friends. Besides, you can start LARPing more. Maybe your future soul mate is out there waiting for you at one of those events.

Some good news: Cyn and I got back together and are working through our issues.

I can't thank you all enough for the love and support you showed!

Best wishes to you both!