I've been plagued by guilt and the feeling that I'm a hypocrite, so I though I'd ask other people for their thoughts. I apologize for such a loooong story, but it's, well, complicated. And bugging me.
Right after her eighteenth birthday, my (at the time) best friend announced she would be marrying her then-boyfriend. I told her it just wasn't a smart thing to do for the reasons she was doing it... and because she was barely eighteen and he was twenty-one, and they had been dating just over a year and were repeatedly (and more often) having pregnancy scares. Their, well, HER reasoning: He was in the Army Reserves and might (tiny chance) get deployed to Iraq. If he did, she'd be left all alone during college and struggling to pay the bills by herself, without a job- unless she could collect his money and any benefits from the gov't. I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her and that I would not be attending her wedding because I didn't want to feel bad when they divorced. To be honest, I felt really bad for her fiance because he's a sweet guy who is way too naive for someone like her- if she said "Jump!" he'd ask how high. Well, they finally went through with it (I have good reason to believe it wasn't a legally binding ceremony, either- no priest or such) and I kind of feel like a jerk now...
Because back in May, my boyfriend and I became unofficially engaged, and only announced it this past month (to a LOT of negative reactions by his family). I feel bad because I'm two months shy of turning nineteen and my now-fiance is twenty three- we're both quite young.
There are, however, several defining differences between me and my friend though: I am much more psychologically stable and quite a bit more mature (I get mistaken for being a twenty something everywhere I go), and I actually have a career and a job. We, my boyfriend and I, decided that we'd like to do this not because we need each other or the other's money, but because we are very much in love.
We're planning on having a very, very private handfasting (basically, a pagan wedding) this October. Handfasting isn't recognized as a legally binding contract by the State of Utah, and we're not jumping through hoops to make it that way because we just don't want to, for personal reasons.
Should I feel bad about what I told her? Am I trying to live out a 'happy-little-family' fantasy by getting handfasted for something OTHER than money/a house/legal status? I'm not jealous; I have no reason to be jealous of her. Am I just being childish or selfish?
I feel as though I pushed away a good friend over something dumb, but yet I feel like I was telling her the truth... and then not telling myself? I have no intention of trying to ruin heir marriage, I just don't want to pick up her pieces anymore because she keeps making poor decisions. Advice?
Right after her eighteenth birthday, my (at the time) best friend announced she would be marrying her then-boyfriend. I told her it just wasn't a smart thing to do for the reasons she was doing it... and because she was barely eighteen and he was twenty-one, and they had been dating just over a year and were repeatedly (and more often) having pregnancy scares. Their, well, HER reasoning: He was in the Army Reserves and might (tiny chance) get deployed to Iraq. If he did, she'd be left all alone during college and struggling to pay the bills by herself, without a job- unless she could collect his money and any benefits from the gov't. I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her and that I would not be attending her wedding because I didn't want to feel bad when they divorced. To be honest, I felt really bad for her fiance because he's a sweet guy who is way too naive for someone like her- if she said "Jump!" he'd ask how high. Well, they finally went through with it (I have good reason to believe it wasn't a legally binding ceremony, either- no priest or such) and I kind of feel like a jerk now...
Because back in May, my boyfriend and I became unofficially engaged, and only announced it this past month (to a LOT of negative reactions by his family). I feel bad because I'm two months shy of turning nineteen and my now-fiance is twenty three- we're both quite young.
There are, however, several defining differences between me and my friend though: I am much more psychologically stable and quite a bit more mature (I get mistaken for being a twenty something everywhere I go), and I actually have a career and a job. We, my boyfriend and I, decided that we'd like to do this not because we need each other or the other's money, but because we are very much in love.
We're planning on having a very, very private handfasting (basically, a pagan wedding) this October. Handfasting isn't recognized as a legally binding contract by the State of Utah, and we're not jumping through hoops to make it that way because we just don't want to, for personal reasons.
Should I feel bad about what I told her? Am I trying to live out a 'happy-little-family' fantasy by getting handfasted for something OTHER than money/a house/legal status? I'm not jealous; I have no reason to be jealous of her. Am I just being childish or selfish?
I feel as though I pushed away a good friend over something dumb, but yet I feel like I was telling her the truth... and then not telling myself? I have no intention of trying to ruin heir marriage, I just don't want to pick up her pieces anymore because she keeps making poor decisions. Advice?
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