The New Intimacy

Bf told me of his fantasy not sure how to react. Help, advice.....comfort or reassurance please?

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Contributor: ss143 ss143
Ok so bf and I have had different conversations on threesomes before he nor I have ever had one. He has said in the past depending on his partner he wouldn't be against the idea and I have said that if I wasn't emotionally involved with either person I could easily try it and if I was emotionally involved with the guy I could only consider a threesome with another guy( I couldn't handle another girl due to cheating issues in the past). So we got to talking the other night and we got to talking about it again and I asked him out right if that was kinda of a fantasy/something he would love to do watching me get fucked my him and another guy and he said yes. So my reply to him was could he honestly go through that and his feeling for me not change or be jealous and if he held no value to the fact that no other man or woman has had access to my body. His reply was he would be fine with it especially since I was doing it for him and no its not important to him that in all the years we have been together(since we were 13yrsold) I have never been with another. (he has one other girl in his past aka the cheating issue.)
So I guess I am intrigued by the idea and also a bit hurt that he doesn't hold any importance or value on said fact and he would be so ready to share me I am confused and not sure how to react. If I had a magic ball that said with out a doubt everything would be fine and he would be severely turned on by it I would do it for him without a doubt but still a bit hurt by I guess him not being a bit territorial over me as stupid as that sounds.

Advice or suggestions on how I should feel/do i don't want to over react and I don't want to jump in a situation that would change his feelings for me. Would it be special to you if you were the ONLY one who knew your SO in and out or am I being dumb?
08/16/2011
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Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Maybe he is not worried about you cheating on him with said guy and thats all he meant by it. And if youve been together since you were 13 and are 27 now, i just think ready to share isnt quite the correct words only because of the length of time youve been together. Its not like you were together a few months and hes like ok let me call my boys over to share you, does that make sense?
08/16/2011
Contributor: Elaira Elaira
Don't do anything you're not 100% comfortable with. This sounds like it's bringing up some serious issues that the two of you need to talk about. You two need to talk about the feelings you have and the things you want.
08/16/2011
Contributor: LaLaLouise LaLaLouise
Quote:
Originally posted by Elaira
Don't do anything you're not 100% comfortable with. This sounds like it's bringing up some serious issues that the two of you need to talk about. You two need to talk about the feelings you have and the things you want.
I agree 100%. Don't go into anything without open and detailed discussions about every aspect of the scenario (mental, emotional, and physical). The cold hard fact is that you never know how you will react to something or feel about it until it actually happens to you. So unfortunately there is no way to know exactly how it will play out. For all you know, this is a fantasy of his (as it is with a lot of people), but when it happens and he actually sees you interacting with someone else, it may change the way he feels about it. Or you may find that you can be comfortable about it. I definitely understand how you feel about wanting him to feel a bit territorial about you, but I don't think his readiness to try it means he doesn't value you or plans to share you with a lot of different people. You should let him know why this is bothering you, but you also need to recognize that some people have voyeuristic fantasies, even about their own partners. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. Just take the time to figure out exactly WHY you don't want to and if it's because of your feelings or his.
08/16/2011
Contributor: ss143 ss143
Thanks everyone Im not going to jump into anything without thinking it through and the only two aspect of a threesome that bothers me is his easy willingness to do so and the fear of it changing how things are between us for the worse. Like I said if I knew without a shadow of a doubt he would be COMPLETELY OK afterwards and he would feel the same or stronger about me/our relationship then I don't have an issue with it except the that im still a bit hurt that he wants to share I don't know I guess I thought it was special or unique that he was the only and it seems its not important to him. Voyeurism has been a fantasy of mine to but i guess more in the sense of us going at it in front of someone else if that makes sense.
08/16/2011
Contributor: PussyPurr PussyPurr
One thing I've learned is that if I ask someone about their fantasies, I better be prepared to hear something I may not be entirely comfortable with. That's why they're fantasies! It's one of the safest kinds of sexual stimulation there is!

I have all kinds of what may be considered crazy sexual fantasies. Does that mean I value or love my partner any less, or am less attracted to him? Heck no! You don't have control over your fantasies, right? He's told me about his fantasies, and when my little butt-heart jealous feelings started to bubble up, I remembered how much I've fantasized about glory holes, or having sex with strangers, swinging, even fucking his hot friend. My own education in sexuality as well as my experience has taught me that fantasies don't necessarily say anything significant about a person's character or how they feel about someone.

I agree with the previous posters, *don't* do anything you're not completely comfortable and in agreement with.
08/16/2011
Contributor: ss143 ss143
Quote:
Originally posted by PussyPurr
One thing I've learned is that if I ask someone about their fantasies, I better be prepared to hear something I may not be entirely comfortable with. That's why they're fantasies! It's one of the safest kinds of sexual stimulation ... more
I know if you don't want the answer don't ask the question it doesn't bother me that he would enjoy that or fantasizes about that in a way it excited me just my lack of self esteem and feeling of not worth reared its ugly head i guess(issues I have always dealt with which he knows) lol. thanks for the advice guys its something I am willing to consider to make come true for him but only after a lot more discussion I feel better thanks
08/16/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by ss143
Ok so bf and I have had different conversations on threesomes before he nor I have ever had one. He has said in the past depending on his partner he wouldn't be against the idea and I have said that if I wasn't emotionally involved with ... more
Hopefully everyone else's wonderful replies to this topic have helped you but if you need a little extra encouragement consider this. Whether he is protective of sharing your body or not, jealous or not over you, is not an issue in this case, because in a fantasy such as this, it is consensual, he knows who you are with and has no fear over losing you, and with your having been together so long, there is a high level of trust to go along with it.

Although I am extremely jealous over my boyfriend and believe myself to be fully capable of throwing a rage-fit if needed over another woman, I would be 100% open to a 3some with another woman, with as much involvement as he wishes.

It's understandable to feel a certain level of hurt or discomfort at the thought of your partner being willing to share you, but in a way, it also shows a certain level of commitment. He is not only willing to share this fantasy with you, but TRUST you and your body, to another man, which from a man's perspective can be intimidating as well! Men, though we don't always realize it, are very sensitive when it comes to sex with a partner they really do love, because they never want to be "second best", and he obviously feels that your relationship is strong enough that he won't lose you

You are DEFINITELY not being dumb, and it's a good question! I hope that you do what you feel is best for you and your relationship and give it serious consideration before making a decision, and I wish you and your partner the best of luck
08/16/2011
Contributor: JessCee JessCee
Quote:
Originally posted by Elaira
Don't do anything you're not 100% comfortable with. This sounds like it's bringing up some serious issues that the two of you need to talk about. You two need to talk about the feelings you have and the things you want.
I'm going with Miss D on this one.

I know exactly what you mean... one of my exes was totally fine sharing me, and it made me feel the exact same way. From long conversations and going through my thoughts and feelings, I came to the conclusion that it's not right for me for whatever reason.

So talk some more... explore some more of his reasoning, tell him how you're feeling as well.
08/16/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
My husband and I are seriously jealous people. That being said, we are perfectly happy cam2camming on places such as omegle and the roulettes. They are fun and non-invasive ways of having a 'threesome'. No actual other person physically involved or emotional expenditure. We also are trying to plan a 'meeting' where we masturbate in front of other man/woman with no touching allowed from them to us. Might be fun and also no contact or emotional issues. Maybe take it as far as us fucking in front of them. As far as other people touching us..Hell No! Maybe you could compromise in the same way, that way there is minimal risk to your relationship and also the fun of voyeur/exhibitionisim. Just be 100% honest with yourself, your partner nad the others involved.
08/17/2011