Can it be saved, or did I waste 4 years?

I'm hesitant to say that just because it doesn't work out in the end that it automatically means it's a waste. Life is all about the people who come and go through our short time on this planet. If you feel loved and loved him back, then it's never a waste. I think you both have to figure out exactly what you want and what it means for your future together and then talk about it. Be honest with yourselves and each other in the end. As long as you do that, I don't think anyone can cry foul or say that it was a waste. Think of it as a stepping stone to something else, someone else. If the timing isn't there, forcing it is going to send you both into a downward spiral and if either is asked to compromise against their heart's desire it will only lead to resentment.

I am so sorry you'll be spending your weekend without him, but if you both put your heads together you can still celebrate your accomplishment as a couple.

His friend sort of made me feel like a bitch for wanting to go back home to Texas...

me: Everything is upsetting and complicated

11:46 AM Mark: damn upsetting and complicated things

me: Siiigh, I hate feeling this way
11:47 AM It's like I'm the bad person here..


Mark: how?
11:49 AM me: I had mentioned to Chris about moving back to Texas after school and he asked me how could I do that to you... but you'll be busy and how will our relationship grow
And I don't know what would happen if I left, or if things would improve if I left, or if I stayed
But if I left, it seems like I'd be jepordizing our relationship

11:50 AM Mark: as much as i like you being closer with school and everything you'll just be abused by your dad with no real benefits..i doubt i'll be able to leave the house much cuz of homework i'm going to be full time work and full time school shortly

11:53 AM me: So what's going to happen to us...
11:54 AM I am just supposed to give up on us, on you... or what?
11:58 AM I don't wanna give up on you, I love you but.. I don't know how you really feel or what our future's like.. I don't know.. I'm just so upset and my head hurts from crying..
Chris made me sort of feel like a selfish bitch..

12:00 PM Mark: for about a year or so i'm going to be virtually MIA I'm not planning on giving up on us but that's also up to you it be unfair of me to just ask you to wait even though i'd like for you to wait for me to get this done

All I know is I probably won't talk to him the rest of today. I can't even eat and my mind is kind of.. I don't know.

Illusional, I think if you have put this much time into your relationship and you are both still very much in love, it's worth considering all of your options.

You should not stay somewhere that you are unhappy. Period. You are not selfish for wanting to be happy. You are smart for doing this. Ultimately, in addition to being unhappy, you would resent your partner anyway for keeping you in a place that you are unhappy. Plus? Texas is badass. Never apologize for lovin' that big, beautiful place!

It would be selfish for your partner to want you to be unhappy just so he can pursue his goals. From what I can tell though, he loves you and wants you to be happy. This is a very positive thing and a sign that you can both make some form of close relationship functional. Whether you end up together as a couple or just best friends, you care about one another's goals and well being. This is critical. To me it says your relationship - no matter what kind of relationship it becomes - will be successful if you put the effort in.

Go home. Do not stay in a place that you are being abuse, or even just a place that you are unhappy in. No one that loves you would want you to be in an abusive or miserable situation. Stay in contact with him as much or as little as the both of you desire. Stay communicative with him, continue to work on your friendship. You don't have to be definitive right now with this. You don't have to say OMG BREAK UP TIME ALL OVER FACEBOOK RIGHT NOW!!! You don't have to say OMG RING ON MY FINGER TIME RIGHT NOW. You can just say "This current situation isn't working. Let's put the romantic aspect of our relationship on the back-burner for now and help one another as friends. Let's support one another and help one another achieve our goals and be happy. Time will tell if we are meant to continue this relationship as partners or just friends. We don't have to finalize that decision right this second."

If the love is there, you'll always have this person as a close friend. That? Is never a waste. If the love stays strong, it is possible that in a year from now, the stars will align and new opportunities will present themselves. It's hard sometimes to look at the big picture and see that. In a year you could be living in the same apartment, looking back and laughing. In a year you could be a timezone apart, on the phone laughing about something weird that happened to one of you in your day. Time will tell. Prioritize your friendship right now, and prioritize your own mental and emotional health. That's my best advice as someone that has been in a very similar situation.

All the best,
Owl

First off...Texas is incredible.

Secondly, you can make a relationship work with someone being gone to work a a lot. I have been doing it a long time now, it has gotten now to the point that he is able to be home on weekend, but it hasn't always been like that.

You have to do what is best for you and your future and so does he. If itr is worth the wait, it will happen. If its not, maybe there is something different that is in the stars for you.

Good luck, I hope that it all works out for you.

I know you guys are probably right, I just hate feeling out of control right now.
And time just isn't on our side and I've been so patient and trying so hard.

I went to this school just so I could be closer to him.

I will just focus on me for right now, and talk to him when I am not so emotional and upset.
Right now, reading your advice makes me cry and my period and hormones aren't assisting me any, lol

I've been so homesick P'Gell and after a huge falling out with my best friend, I really don't have much here. I hate winter, I have no friends, the people are rude and this part-time job really isn't enough to you know, get a place or anything.

I do want kids, like he does and that's another one of his mindsets I love. We both grew up pretty poor and want to make sure we can give our kids everything they need, and maybe a few wants.

Texas trumps Maryland in every slot, besides him.

I have a family unit in Texas, my mother, my sisters, nieces and nephewss and a few HS buddies I can relink with.

It sounds like you just need to be told that everything's "okay". And it is okay. Your man is wanting to get things done now so it will be better for both of you later - right now, the inconvenience of school and work and roommates is just a temporary thing.

Go back to Texas, work on your career pursuits there while he's working on his in Maryland, and thing will work out in the long run.

You know that Master and I are in a similar situation - we're in different countries, but I'm also working on schooling and career so I can bring more to our relationship in the future. Master is willing to wait for that.

If you both feel what you have now and what future you will have together is worth it, you both can wait for that future. You're both still very young, so you don't have to be in a hurry to get the family started. Yes, the loneliness sucks, but you're both working on a better future together.

Everything's okay. Go home and take care of yourself. *hugs*

If it's been 4 years, I'd be asking him for the two of you to move in together if he wants you to stay. Cause no one would want to put up with an abusive father or anyone else. You can't be expected to suffer through that.

I know it's not easy to feel this way when you're so in love with someone, but as someone not in that position it's easy for me to say:
If he doesn't want to move in together so you're life is easier, happier together and away from abuse, then is there a good enough reason to stick around rather than going back to family who love you - where you won't be abused!

Is he willing to take the relationship further now or in the near future or are you at a stand still?

I think you have done really well this far. I don't think I could have if I was in your situation. I need more hands on when in a relationship ... I'm kinda demanding that way.

He is gung-ho for Texas, but him saying "I can't ask you to wait, if you don't I understand" makes me feel like he's saying "You'll probably give up on me," he's so down lately.
Today's our four year anniversary and he's in such a foul mood, cause of work and such... I feel so useless, I can't cheer him up .

Ugh, I need to calm down and do some yoga. I'm getting all worked up and crying again. I can feel a headache coming on.

I'm going to echo Chilipepper, because hopefully you will feel better after hearing more stories about similar situations working out. I met my boyfriend while I was living abroad, but when school ended I had to go home. We had been together long enough that I could have gotten a relationship visa, which would have allowed me to stay there and work as long as we were together, but I couldn't work in the field that I had just finished my qualifications for. I was willing to stay and do any kind of job I could get, but I would have been miserable because I worked way too hard just to give up my career. My boyfriend actually made me come home.

At first my boyfriend was opposed to moving here, but now he has changed his mind. He has the opposite problem I do, he can work here, but he can't get a work visa. For him to get a work visa he would have to win the visa lottery (which I can't believe actually exists) or we would have to get married, which just isn't going to happen yet.

We've been long distance for a year and a half now and we are still doing well. I'm not going to pretend it is easy, because it really sucks, but I don't regret it. If I had stayed I would have resented him and if you force yourself to stay in a bad situation for him you will resent him too, which will be worse for your relationship than the distance. As long as you can both agree to living in the same place eventually you can make it work.

Oh guys, I just absolutely have to gush.
I'm sooo happy and relieved.

So he came to see me for the weekend and I sort of told myself to make the most of it.
He was very happy to see me and we spent a lot of good emotional time together. We didn't drink at all, normally he and I drink and we sort of have sloppy drunk times, but we sort of just cuddled and held each other.
We went to a friend's house and his friends went to bed and I had to ask.
These questions were burning my chest.

So I spilled out everything, all my fears. And he sat up, turned the light on and he sat next to me.

And he spilled out all of his, and... they were almost similar. So I cried in his arms and he comforted me and finally I passed out. When I woke up, he had written me a letter. A real handwritten letter in 2011, can you imagine?

"Don't fret and worry. I hate to see your pretty eyes filled with such sorrow. It makes me want to hurt whoever is hurting you and then I discover it is myself. I am a coward and you deserve a Knight, but I aim to become the Prince you deserve. I love you so much it frightens me, but I try to remain aloof cause you are so beautiful and dazzling someone else may catch your eye when you realize how lacking I am. I love you, and I want to spend my life with you. I want to begin a life somewhere else with you and have beautiful children and a gorgeous long-legged Amazon queen to come home to, if you will have me. Please stop crying, please know if I had no muse to work for, I would be content in this dead end business, cause I have need for so little. But I want to give you the damned moon, sun and stars. Together, we can conquer anything."

Today we lounged about and sort of just idly chatted about random things. We watched Disney movies and I know it sounds kind of geeky and nerdy, but he made me little origami frogs. I'm so glad... I got everything off my chest.

My heart feels so full, it may burst.

*hugs* sweetie, I was reading through this and about to say "have you guys talked face to face about all this.. and here you have. Patience can be a bitch some of the time. I get that. But if you can just grip on and dont let go, in the end, it will all be worth it.

*many many hugs* I'm so glad you both talked about this - completely and totally. Everything really is okay, honey.

And thank you all, ALWAYS for the wonderful advice.
I know you guys are true friends, cause you say the truth and not just what you think I wanna hear.

It warms my heart that all of you are willing to take the time to write this all out and share your life experiences with me. <3

It's like having a bunch of den mothers, LOL.