The New Intimacy

Cheating - how do you get over it?

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Contributor: LoveDove LoveDove
Well, I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We're about 800 miles apart during the school year, we hadn't been talking, he'd said he didn't miss me and didn't want to, and he reacted to my birthday via a text message.

When he came back for Thanksgiving (and the breakup had happened and I had brought it,) he confessed that he'd been fucking another girl since he went to school. So roughly mid-Sept to mid-Nov. I asked if she knew that he was seeing me. He said yes. He also mentioned that he'd broken up with her, because he felt guilty. Took him two months to feel guilty, I guess. I asked him why the hell he was trying to get back together with me if he had someone who was willing to fuck him. Because clearly, that's all he needed from a woman. And I won't even consider taking him back since I know now.

I'm angry, sad, and hurt, and I would like to know: how the hell am I supposed to get over this? How am I supposed to date again (in a few months or more) knowing that I've already dated a dick? How am I supposed to trust any man again?
11/28/2011
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Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by LoveDove
Well, I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We're about 800 miles apart during the school year, we hadn't been talking, he'd said he didn't miss me and didn't want to, and he reacted to my birthday via a text message.

When ... more
oh geez lady. i am so incredibly sorry he's putting you through this! i had a nightmare 2 nights ago that my boyfriend confessed the same to me. i looked him straight in the eye and said frankly, 'i'm going to kill you.'

but don't do THAT. i mean...



god. i was cheated on by my first lover at age 17. still not completely over it. it will give me little twinge pains, and my current lover kinda looks like him in certain lights. at those moments i'm a little repulsed by him. there's no easy way around it, must go through it.



i recommend some major self-care. buy yourself some lingerie. give yourself a shopping spree if that's your thing. get a personal massage. go on a weekend getaway with a good friend. make some art. go to a concert. do something radical with your hair. get a tattoo. busy yourself and know that there are shitty people int he world, and there are really awesome people in the world, but most are somewhere in between.

dont give him the power to turn you into a negative nancy. you can trust again, but it will take time. it is possible. don't rush into anything, not that you'll feel like it now. take your time and things will fall into place.


i wish the best for you.
11/28/2011
Contributor: sexydelphia sexydelphia
the best treatment at first is to hangout with your girls. Keep yourself occupied, whether its with your friends, work, watching movies and shows online/at the movies. It is hard to trust again, I know. But when you meet the right person you will eventually learn to trust them.
11/28/2011
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine what you must be going through right now. I agree with the above two people who said to take care of yourself and keep your mind busy. Whatever you do, don't give in to hopelessness and despair. Don't let yourself stay in bed all day if that's what you're tempted to do. It will only make you feel worse. Also don't be tempted to rush into another relationship yet. You need to heal first. Take care
11/29/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
Realize that it's his problem not yours, and learn from your mistakes. Identify the problem behavior (IE. lack of communcation) and learn to react early on when you sense there is a problem. Also, what helps for me is to stop communicating with the person you broke up with.
11/29/2011
Contributor: sexualscientists sexualscientists
The world is full of dicks and sometimes it has nothing to do with dating. Take care of yourself and stay occupied with other things, besides a relationship, just keep yourself open.
11/29/2011
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
After having been cheated on by my wife, it took me a long time to get over it. Since you're not married, then the situation isn't quite the same though. Sadly, three years later, I still haven't gotten completely over it. Most likely, it will always be a part of your relationship too. If you're willing to love him in spite of that pain, then it will be worth it. If you can't love him through it, then you have your answer.
11/29/2011