The New Intimacy

Commitment vs. feeling

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Contributor: rosythorn rosythorn
So when you are in the long term relationship, do you ever have lulls in feelings? Not in affection, but just a drop in the madly in love feeling.

So for example I know someone who told me that sometimes she feels like her happy go lucky feelings have dropped for her SO, but her commitment to him is so strong that she doesn't think twice about it. As far as I know they have a really healthy relationship.

Now I am starting to reevaluate my relationship. What do you guys think?
04/20/2013
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Contributor: married with children married with children
no, my feelings for her have gotten stronger over the years.
04/21/2013
Contributor: bratcat bratcat
While i have never questioned my feelings about my partner, distance makes it hard for me to always know how they feel about our relationship or towards me since theyre the type of person who better shows their feelings physically rather than talking about them.
It has been three years and over that time i have noticed myself being more comfortable and less "happy go lucky," but my feelings toward my partner never waver.
04/21/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
Definitely! There have been times all we have is sex....no feelings for each other but they come back rapidly. Ususally happens after a huge fight.
04/21/2013
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
no, my feelings for her have gotten stronger over the years.
This is true for my wife and I. I grew up in a family where my parents fought - sometimes viciously. I thought that was 'normal'. Nothing even remotely like that happens with my wife and I - for which I am eternally grateful. We grow to appreciate and rely on each other for support more with each passing year.
04/22/2013
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
Feelings have definitely changed. Instead of the crazy hormonally driven highs and lows, it a nice constant comfortable feeling. Much better.
05/01/2013
Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
Quote:
Originally posted by rosythorn
So when you are in the long term relationship, do you ever have lulls in feelings? Not in affection, but just a drop in the madly in love feeling.

So for example I know someone who told me that sometimes she feels like her happy go lucky ... more
Feelings vs commitment.

feelings are like gas. They come and go. Do not weigh your relationships by a fleeting moment for if you blink they are gone.

committing is like marriage. If people did not commit to each other they would leave the moment they felt like it. Commitment says "I am here and I am fighting for this" the biggest thing is to make sure the two of you are on the same page as to what "this" is and talk about the things that may cause fights or battles as a couple prior to them surfacing.
05/01/2013
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I have found that my strong sense of commitment helps me cultivate the loving feelings. If that makes sense. Feelings can change, but we can also exercise some control over our feelings, and lead them in the direction we want to.
05/01/2013