Dating the boss, but more complicated....

Contributor: LittleA LittleA
I have been, over the last few years, technically sleeping with my boss.

Here is the disclaimer. We had been together, and in a sexual relationship for more than 5 years before anyone knew about it, and when it started we were in more or less equal positions, or in different departments, or sometimes not even working together. Because of circumstances that don't matter anymore we kept our relationship private, and then he was put in a position of authority in the last few years, above me. Obviously at the time we should have disclosed this information, but we have never been exclusive so it never really seemed appropriate.

I guess my question is, would it make any real difference to anyone if the relationship formed previous to the time when he was above me, when all that anyone really knows is that it was going on just when he was my boss. I don't really think its anyone's business what we do in our private lives, which is why we never disclosed the details prior, however now there is that stigma around us that the old boss is sleeping with his workers, but it didn't start because of that, just a coincidence of a small town.

I guess there is no way to ever really convince anyone that I'm not just a whore looking for a way to get the boss on my side, or that he isn't just a pig looking to use his authority to get his cock hard, but when the reality is that there was a real relationship that was there before it got 'complicated' its a little hurtful to have people think otherwise.

Short of leaving a position that both of us do well and enjoy, is there ever really a way to navigate it differently? We are both professional, and I was even appointed a different person to oversee my department, and then the man I am with was put back in charge only months later, so obviously the people that are in charge don't think our working relationship is a huge issue. But I also feel like it can always be a fine line. Someone is always going to think I get special treatment.

Currently we are not actively dating, but do still have a sexual relationship, and I care deeply for him, I just wonder what kind of future I can have with him, or with my company. Does it have to be one or the other? Can I have an amazing man and an amazing job and not have to sacrifice one for the other?
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Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
I think personally you should be able to have both. There will always be politics in a company, but you have to decide personally if something awful can come of your relationship or if you are on safe ground. None of us can really say, but I can tell you you have no reason to feel unsafe in your job title or as if you're whoreish in any way.