Years ago something happened between me and a roommate while my husband was at work. As soon as he got home I told him that we needed to go for a walk so we could talk. I told him what had happened and he was upset but not with me. He confronted our roommate who blamed me for everything. We are not friends with that person anymore and thank goodness my husband believed me. We hit a point of crisis and worked through it but I felt guilty for a long time over something that wasn't my fault. When someone is under the influence of a drug that they were unaware of taking, I don't think that person should be unforgivable.

depends on the people and situation. a drunken mistake night is way different than a long-term ongoing secret affair

Depends on the situation.

That's like saying, "once a liar, always a liar." Well, technically, I guess that's true. Once you've done that thing, then you get the label. But that doesn't mean that cheating is a part of someone's pattern all the time when they do cheat, just like lying isn't always the pattern of a person who told a lie. There are serial cheaters, and there are notorious liars. But We ALL are capable of lying, and under the right circumstances, we are all capable of cheating. But the circumstances are what the issue is, not what is inherent in the person's behavior, anymore than anything else that is human nature. Don't put your SO on a pedestal; they are human, just like you, and like all of us humans, they make mistakes. Most people who cheat or who have been the other woman/man don't expect that they would ever be in that situation. It's something that sneaks up on most people, and most of us have a hard time being honest enough to say, "well, I'm capable of doing this really awful thing that could hurt so many people..." but, well...don't put yourself on a pedestal, either. It makes falling from it so much harder and much more painful.

I personally wish our culture tried to understand infidelity in a much more human light, and didn't vilify it to the degree that it does. Yes, it's awful, yes, it's selfish, and yes, you are responsible for your own choices and actions, and you need to be held accountable for them and to deal with the consequences. But people don't need to to be branded with a scarlet letter every time. Most people don't even bother to understand the circumstances before they judge, and most of them act like they're a lot better than that person when in reality...I don't think that infidelity is all that uncommon, unnatural, or beyond humanity. It should be looked down upon, but I get the feeling that some relationships could be salvaged from infidelity, if our culture didn't feed us so much about how awful the people are who commit it, when in reality...most of them are just normal people.