I wouldn't do it, but I guess all's fair in matters of love and war.
Is it fair to post pics of your SO if they betray you?
05/08/2011
Yeah, blackmail isn't a great asset in a relationship. I'd ask for the pix to be deleted, try to repair the trust, and keep going. Another idea would be to find out the laws and stuff about it. If he tries to play his card, you can always do "a Wild Draw 4" and tell him the laws on it (if they're in your favor).
05/09/2011
Even if he says he would only post them if you were unfaithful, I would be concerned that he may post them if he was angry with you for ANY reason. I would bet if you guys break up for any reason and there are bitter feelings on his side, he would post the pictures.
05/09/2011
Not okay but could he even say that? This is just taboo, and one of the reasons I don't like me getting photographed nude by others
05/09/2011
Guys like him need to be taken out and beat. He is screwing things up for men everywhere with his insecure childish antics. For every guy that does something like that, or just say they will, probably makes another 10 girls not want to do it at all in the first place. He is breaking man rules.
05/09/2011
Quote:
No, that's a manipulative and abusive thing to threaten to so to someone. WTF? Healthy people don't threaten to do things like this, nor do the DO things like this.
Originally posted by
salaciousrex
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the ... more
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the ... more
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the same to someone else?
This is all assuming that there are no nudes of this person or you online already and/or if they were against having pics online.
I see both sides of it and I can't figure out if this is okay or not. less
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the same to someone else?
This is all assuming that there are no nudes of this person or you online already and/or if they were against having pics online.
I see both sides of it and I can't figure out if this is okay or not. less
Do you want some advice? Destroy any and all pics and videos you can find of yourself, refuse to pose for ANY more and maybe investigate what you see in someone who is being abusive and threatening even before anything has happened. This is NOT the action of a healthy person.
There are NOT "two sides" to abuse. There is one. Someone is abusive and the other person is putting up with it. That's it. You have a choice now, but you may not later. Why get in deeper in a situation that is only going to get more abusive as it continues?
And No, I would never do this to an other person for ANY reason. I'm a rational and reasonably healthy person who doesn't use manipulation and bullying in my relationships.
05/09/2011
Quote:
People who act as your boyfriend does do not need any "Proof." He's already expecting (and probably looking forward to) to put those pictures out there, if he has to make up a reason to do so, he will.
Originally posted by
salaciousrex
Thank you everybody.
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel ... more
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel ... more
Thank you everybody.
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel so stupid about it when I argue about it to him, so I thought I might be the only one that thinks it's wrong.
Thank you for giving me your opinions. I feel a lot better knowing that this is not something most (if anyone else) would do. I have deleted almost everything off of his phone but he still does have some stuff. I've never been dishonest with him and I'd never cheat or anything. less
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel so stupid about it when I argue about it to him, so I thought I might be the only one that thinks it's wrong.
Thank you for giving me your opinions. I feel a lot better knowing that this is not something most (if anyone else) would do. I have deleted almost everything off of his phone but he still does have some stuff. I've never been dishonest with him and I'd never cheat or anything. less
Honey, he's a sick guy. It doesn't matter if you've never done anything wrong, he'll find something and blow it out of proportion or he'll make something up.
Please, be SAFE. Get out of this situation before you get badly hurt. Guys like this also usually resort to their fists to "punish" non-existent behavior in their relationships, too.
This is a HUGE red flag. Please be safe, take your stuff and get as far away from this person as possible. You CAN'T ever be "good enough" for someone with an ill mind.
Please keep yourself safe and get out, before something even worse than what he is threatening happens.
05/09/2011
No way - I don't think that's ok in any way!
I would never threaten a partner like that or even think to do that kind of thing.
I would never threaten a partner like that or even think to do that kind of thing.
05/09/2011
I'm worried about your safety.
It also IMPOSSIBLE to change people like this, please don't think you can.
Yeah, you'll go through "honeymoon" periods after his outbursts. After a bad time, he'll be sweet and loving and full of apologies and "I'll never do it again"s but these honeymoon periods are only part of the abuse cycle. A few weeks later and he'll be back to his old manipulative self. Most abusive partners are even planning what they will do next during these brief "honeymoon" periods. These cycles are only more proof that it's going to continue and get worse.
All is NOT "fair in love and war." That's such bullshit. There are War Crimes (which are illegal) and there is relationship abuse (which is morally wrong AND illegal) Neither are fair and neither are healthy.
It also IMPOSSIBLE to change people like this, please don't think you can.
Yeah, you'll go through "honeymoon" periods after his outbursts. After a bad time, he'll be sweet and loving and full of apologies and "I'll never do it again"s but these honeymoon periods are only part of the abuse cycle. A few weeks later and he'll be back to his old manipulative self. Most abusive partners are even planning what they will do next during these brief "honeymoon" periods. These cycles are only more proof that it's going to continue and get worse.
All is NOT "fair in love and war." That's such bullshit. There are War Crimes (which are illegal) and there is relationship abuse (which is morally wrong AND illegal) Neither are fair and neither are healthy.
05/09/2011
Quote:
These would be my concerns as well, that you'd do something else that he found upsetting and posted them anyway. In my experience, the people most worried that you're going to cheat on them have been cheating on you. My husband's last girlfriend was always paranoid he was going to cheat on her, because she knew what signs to look out for, because she was always cheating on him. Same thing with my best friend's ex, who actually gave her the line "that's what I was saying when I was cheating on you, so how do I know that doesn't mean you're cheating on me?"
Originally posted by
Taylor
Even if he says he would only post them if you were unfaithful, I would be concerned that he may post them if he was angry with you for ANY reason. I would bet if you guys break up for any reason and there are bitter feelings on his side, he would
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more
Even if he says he would only post them if you were unfaithful, I would be concerned that he may post them if he was angry with you for ANY reason. I would bet if you guys break up for any reason and there are bitter feelings on his side, he would post the pictures.
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You have every right to delete those pictures. Your boyfriend is being childish and blackmailing you, which is not right at all.
05/09/2011
Quote:
Thanks for this advice. I just don't know if I should ask for them to be deleted of if I should do it myself when he's not around. As someone pointed out earlier he might think since I want them deleted then I am cheating.
Originally posted by
El-Jaro
Yeah, blackmail isn't a great asset in a relationship. I'd ask for the pix to be deleted, try to repair the trust, and keep going. Another idea would be to find out the laws and stuff about it. If he tries to play his card, you can always do
...
more
Yeah, blackmail isn't a great asset in a relationship. I'd ask for the pix to be deleted, try to repair the trust, and keep going. Another idea would be to find out the laws and stuff about it. If he tries to play his card, you can always do "a Wild Draw 4" and tell him the laws on it (if they're in your favor).
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What a mess...
And everyone else, thank you. I really thought I was crazy for finding this wrong so I'm glad I'm not alone.
I guess I'll just take it one step at a time and see what all happens with it. First thing: get those pics off his phone next time I see him.
I can't say how much I appreciate everyone
05/09/2011
Quote:
Sounds like good advice there, hope it help her.
Originally posted by
P'Gell
No, that's a manipulative and abusive thing to threaten to so to someone. WTF? Healthy people don't threaten to do things like this, nor do the DO things like this.
Do you want some advice? Destroy any and all pics and videos you can ... more
Do you want some advice? Destroy any and all pics and videos you can ... more
No, that's a manipulative and abusive thing to threaten to so to someone. WTF? Healthy people don't threaten to do things like this, nor do the DO things like this.
Do you want some advice? Destroy any and all pics and videos you can find of yourself, refuse to pose for ANY more and maybe investigate what you see in someone who is being abusive and threatening even before anything has happened. This is NOT the action of a healthy person.
There are NOT "two sides" to abuse. There is one. Someone is abusive and the other person is putting up with it. That's it. You have a choice now, but you may not later. Why get in deeper in a situation that is only going to get more abusive as it continues?
And No, I would never do this to an other person for ANY reason. I'm a rational and reasonably healthy person who doesn't use manipulation and bullying in my relationships. less
Do you want some advice? Destroy any and all pics and videos you can find of yourself, refuse to pose for ANY more and maybe investigate what you see in someone who is being abusive and threatening even before anything has happened. This is NOT the action of a healthy person.
There are NOT "two sides" to abuse. There is one. Someone is abusive and the other person is putting up with it. That's it. You have a choice now, but you may not later. Why get in deeper in a situation that is only going to get more abusive as it continues?
And No, I would never do this to an other person for ANY reason. I'm a rational and reasonably healthy person who doesn't use manipulation and bullying in my relationships. less
05/09/2011
P'Gell is absolutely right. And, I would not ask him to delete them - you can't trust him to actually do it, and then he will be aware of what your plan is. You'll have to do it yourself, without his knowledge. If he catches a whiff of you wanting them deleted, he'll freak out.
05/09/2011
Emotional blackmail is an abuse. Delete the pictures yourself, and just in case he has copies, remind your (hopefully-soon-to-be- ex) boyfriend that posting the pictures without your consent is illegal. You might not be able to stop him if he decides to act stupidly, but he will get himself into a pile of legal trouble.
05/09/2011
Quote:
Asking him to delete probably has a higher chance of setting him off to do it, since he'd know you don't want him to have the pics. I'd do it while he's not looking. BE CAREFUL, HUN!
Originally posted by
indiglo
P'Gell is absolutely right. And, I would not ask him to delete them - you can't trust him to actually do it, and then he will be aware of what your plan is. You'll have to do it yourself, without his knowledge. If he catches a whiff of
...
more
P'Gell is absolutely right. And, I would not ask him to delete them - you can't trust him to actually do it, and then he will be aware of what your plan is. You'll have to do it yourself, without his knowledge. If he catches a whiff of you wanting them deleted, he'll freak out.
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05/09/2011
Quote:
He doesn't have a computer, just his phone so I know he doesn't have copies, they're all just on his SD card, and he backed them onto my laptop that we kind of share.
Originally posted by
Petite Valentine
Emotional blackmail is an abuse. Delete the pictures yourself, and just in case he has copies, remind your (hopefully-soon-to-be- ex) boyfriend that posting the pictures without your consent is illegal. You might not be able to stop him if he decides
...
more
Emotional blackmail is an abuse. Delete the pictures yourself, and just in case he has copies, remind your (hopefully-soon-to-be- ex) boyfriend that posting the pictures without your consent is illegal. You might not be able to stop him if he decides to act stupidly, but he will get himself into a pile of legal trouble.
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He comes over and stays with me for awhile then leaves for a bit. I'm sure when he comes here I can get ahold of his phone and delete em. What drama lol. and I'm so happy you guys are all so helpful
05/09/2011
OMG! NO! Never! I DON'T care what you do to someone, it's never OK to strip them of their privacy like that. That is VERY wrong! It would be similar to soemthign along the lines of rape (although not quite)I just mean that by doing that to someone it takes from her, it strips her of her privacy and in a way humiliates her and that's similar to rape. If you don't want your body exposed like that and someone does it, it can really be traumatic especially when those are shared online because no matter what you delete it will always be there. That's sad and a girl should never have to worry about those things. I hope he wouldn't really do that to you.
It would destroy me if someone did that to me. I take my nakedness lol seriously. It's somethign that is private and to me, special and when I choose to be naked in front of someone it has a lot of meaning even though my partner and I've been together for nearly 5 years, every time I'm nude, it's a special thing. It shouldn't be exposed to the world. It is YOUR body, a man should never be able to just show it as he pleases. I would be hurt. I'm not exactly someone who doesn't have a lot of emotions when it comes to exposing myself to someone.
My current partner is the only man I've let see me 100% naked. I couldn't imagine having that taken away from me.
When I was a teenager (about 15-16) a freshman in high school, I partied a lot and was stupid and it got me into a mess. The things that ended up happening to me nearly ruined my life. Anyways, I was partying at a friend's house and it was a usual thing and I had gotten wasted on vodka and orage juice (not something that you want to puke up for 12 hours!) I was also smoking marijuana. When I got sick from drinking too much, some guy friends gave me DEX or DXM it's a really strong, dangerous drug and I'm petite and drugs always effect me differently than others. Where a regular person can take a couple of RX pills, I can only take a half. I'm just sensitive to pills I guess. Lol
Anyways, I was drunk, high, and tripping on this DXM stuff & throwing my guts up. I dry heaved for hours and the guys gave me this DXM powder and put wrapped it in toilet paper and told me to swallow it. I did and had a crappy experience.
I had thrown up all over myself & the DXM made me throw up more & my girlfriends were helping me wash off and I was wearing underwear and my bra of course and one friend (very good friend to do this) was holding me & the other was helping me rinse off. Another girl who I had serious problems with in school, ended up being expelled because of an issue with her) she took off my underwear. The other girls were telling her not to because I didn't like that. She did anyways.
So, I ended up collapsing with the friends & fell in the tub naked! It wasn't a big deal. We all were laughing and wet from the water. The girl who had thrown the part was Bi sexual and we were always great friends, but she and her mom took pictures of me while I was passed out naked in the shower. I get that it was supposed to be funny, but it wasn't.
I laughed and told her I wouldn't be mad if she just had her laugh and then gave me all the pics to destroy. She gave me one & kept the rest! It wasn't pretty either, those pictures showed EVERYTHING! She ended up posting them on her wall at home and showing everyone, even an EX of mine. It was humiliating and the girl ended up moving about an hour a way and still to this day I hear people telling me that they've saw the pics.
I really didn't feel that I could do much about it because I was stupid to get so wasted, but it's caused some reall hurt in my life. I didn't care so much that she had the pictures. It made me uncomfortable that she had the pics and wouldn't give me them to do as I pleased because all of us have pics of our drunken times & a lot of us have pics of each other half naked. I have never had naked ones of my friends though. I only have bra and panty pics that my friends were OK with. They were never showed to others and we destroyed them after getting our laughs. What bothered me was that she showed them knowing how humiliated I was.
Also, while I was in the shower & they were taking pics, her mom yelled "Kendra's in here naked if any of you boys want to fuck her in the butt!" Not cool.
Anyways, sorry about the book long story. I just hope he doesn't do that to you. It can really be hurtful if you don't want to be exposed like that. If you cheated, then whatever, everyone makes mistakes, but whatever you could've possibly done wrong you don't deserve to be done that way.
It would destroy me if someone did that to me. I take my nakedness lol seriously. It's somethign that is private and to me, special and when I choose to be naked in front of someone it has a lot of meaning even though my partner and I've been together for nearly 5 years, every time I'm nude, it's a special thing. It shouldn't be exposed to the world. It is YOUR body, a man should never be able to just show it as he pleases. I would be hurt. I'm not exactly someone who doesn't have a lot of emotions when it comes to exposing myself to someone.
My current partner is the only man I've let see me 100% naked. I couldn't imagine having that taken away from me.
When I was a teenager (about 15-16) a freshman in high school, I partied a lot and was stupid and it got me into a mess. The things that ended up happening to me nearly ruined my life. Anyways, I was partying at a friend's house and it was a usual thing and I had gotten wasted on vodka and orage juice (not something that you want to puke up for 12 hours!) I was also smoking marijuana. When I got sick from drinking too much, some guy friends gave me DEX or DXM it's a really strong, dangerous drug and I'm petite and drugs always effect me differently than others. Where a regular person can take a couple of RX pills, I can only take a half. I'm just sensitive to pills I guess. Lol
Anyways, I was drunk, high, and tripping on this DXM stuff & throwing my guts up. I dry heaved for hours and the guys gave me this DXM powder and put wrapped it in toilet paper and told me to swallow it. I did and had a crappy experience.
I had thrown up all over myself & the DXM made me throw up more & my girlfriends were helping me wash off and I was wearing underwear and my bra of course and one friend (very good friend to do this) was holding me & the other was helping me rinse off. Another girl who I had serious problems with in school, ended up being expelled because of an issue with her) she took off my underwear. The other girls were telling her not to because I didn't like that. She did anyways.
So, I ended up collapsing with the friends & fell in the tub naked! It wasn't a big deal. We all were laughing and wet from the water. The girl who had thrown the part was Bi sexual and we were always great friends, but she and her mom took pictures of me while I was passed out naked in the shower. I get that it was supposed to be funny, but it wasn't.
I laughed and told her I wouldn't be mad if she just had her laugh and then gave me all the pics to destroy. She gave me one & kept the rest! It wasn't pretty either, those pictures showed EVERYTHING! She ended up posting them on her wall at home and showing everyone, even an EX of mine. It was humiliating and the girl ended up moving about an hour a way and still to this day I hear people telling me that they've saw the pics.
I really didn't feel that I could do much about it because I was stupid to get so wasted, but it's caused some reall hurt in my life. I didn't care so much that she had the pictures. It made me uncomfortable that she had the pics and wouldn't give me them to do as I pleased because all of us have pics of our drunken times & a lot of us have pics of each other half naked. I have never had naked ones of my friends though. I only have bra and panty pics that my friends were OK with. They were never showed to others and we destroyed them after getting our laughs. What bothered me was that she showed them knowing how humiliated I was.
Also, while I was in the shower & they were taking pics, her mom yelled "Kendra's in here naked if any of you boys want to fuck her in the butt!" Not cool.
Anyways, sorry about the book long story. I just hope he doesn't do that to you. It can really be hurtful if you don't want to be exposed like that. If you cheated, then whatever, everyone makes mistakes, but whatever you could've possibly done wrong you don't deserve to be done that way.
05/09/2011
Quote:
I agree! I would be paranoid to even let someone have pics of me after they threatened to do that. I would probably leave my BF if he threatened to do that to me because he knows how I am about being exposed like that and if someone needs revenge that badly, then I don't want them in my life. I'd be terrified of ever making small mistakes, afraid they'd do something like that.
Originally posted by
indiglo
No, this is not even close to ok. I don't care if you were cheated on, left, or what have you. It's wrong any way you slice it. (And if that's his attitude, you might take away the pictures and videos he currently has of you, because
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more
No, this is not even close to ok. I don't care if you were cheated on, left, or what have you. It's wrong any way you slice it. (And if that's his attitude, you might take away the pictures and videos he currently has of you, because I'm afraid you're going to end up all over the internet at some point.)
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05/09/2011
Quote:
Thank you for sharing your story. Im the same as you, "take my nakedness very seriously". I've known him for 9 years and been with him for 1 year and that's the only reason I felt comfortable enough to let him have pics.
Originally posted by
K101
I agree! I would be paranoid to even let someone have pics of me after they threatened to do that. I would probably leave my BF if he threatened to do that to me because he knows how I am about being exposed like that and if someone needs revenge
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more
I agree! I would be paranoid to even let someone have pics of me after they threatened to do that. I would probably leave my BF if he threatened to do that to me because he knows how I am about being exposed like that and if someone needs revenge that badly, then I don't want them in my life. I'd be terrified of ever making small mistakes, afraid they'd do something like that.
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I am really paranoid of him having pictures now, I deleted all he had in one folder in his phone, and he has more so I need to find them and delete them.
I totally agree with what you've wrote in this post, I'm paranoid he'll post them over any silly fight now. That's why I wanted to get another opinion and post on here, to see if he's right and I am just acting crazy over this lol. I'm definitely reevaluating our relationship, who knows what will happen now. I just know if I did decide to leave him I'd have to wait till after I saw him and deleted the pictures!
05/09/2011
Thats blackmail. Your man said he would do that? That is a lack of respect and completely controlling. I have nude photos but I know my man would never publish them. Watch for red flags like that, overly jealous, no trust in you for no reason, complete disregard for your selfworth and future.
05/09/2011
Quote:
"Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me."
Originally posted by
salaciousrex
Thank you everybody.
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel ... more
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel ... more
Thank you everybody.
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel so stupid about it when I argue about it to him, so I thought I might be the only one that thinks it's wrong.
Thank you for giving me your opinions. I feel a lot better knowing that this is not something most (if anyone else) would do. I have deleted almost everything off of his phone but he still does have some stuff. I've never been dishonest with him and I'd never cheat or anything. less
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel so stupid about it when I argue about it to him, so I thought I might be the only one that thinks it's wrong.
Thank you for giving me your opinions. I feel a lot better knowing that this is not something most (if anyone else) would do. I have deleted almost everything off of his phone but he still does have some stuff. I've never been dishonest with him and I'd never cheat or anything. less
That is the mindset of an abuser. People who abuse others always blame the victim for their own freely-chosen actions. ("But I only hit you because you pissed me off. Just don't piss me off! You deserved it.")
There are many forms of abuse. Emotional blackmail is one of them. And I firmly believe that anyone who engages in ANY kind of abuse, even just emotional and verbal abuse, is more than capable of crossing the line to physical abuse. After all, it is only one's mindset that prevents one from being physically violent with others during disagreements and confrontations. The problem with someone who has become accustomed to being abusive is that s/he feels as though being angered is a perfect justification to harm others. S/he feels entitled to his/her abusive behavior.
Anyone who engages in any kind of abuse whatsoever is completely self-centered and is too immature to have a truly caring, mutually beneficial relationship. It sounds like he needs to work out his issues on his own (ahem, without you in the picture) before he enters another relationship.
But first, I would quietly go about gathering up any photographic/videotape d footage that you were nice enough to let him take of you. Again, I reiterate from my earlier post that he is sure to post this footage of you no matter what your reason for breaking up. He will say that he just "knows" you cheated on him. He is already concerned about you cheating on him while it is just a theoretical possibility. This is not healthy or normal.
Anyway, I just want to pass on the observation that what he is threatening you with is not even an "eye for an eye" revenge. If he wanted to limit himself to matching this theoretical transgression (a true "eye for an eye" revenge), he would just cheat on you. But instead he is threatening to one-up you. What he is threatening you with is something that could damage your reputation and wrongfully violate your privacy on an ongoing basis because anything he publishes to the Internet is pretty much there to stay. So he is threatening you with an action that is even worse than just cheating on you. I hate telling anyone what to do, but I just want to encourage you to seriously rethink your relationship with someone like that.
Best of luck, hon.
05/09/2011
Quote:
Ummmmm no in fact posting pictures of someone without their permission is illegal mostly everywhere...
Originally posted by
salaciousrex
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the ... more
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the ... more
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the same to someone else?
This is all assuming that there are no nudes of this person or you online already and/or if they were against having pics online.
I see both sides of it and I can't figure out if this is okay or not. less
I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the same to someone else?
This is all assuming that there are no nudes of this person or you online already and/or if they were against having pics online.
I see both sides of it and I can't figure out if this is okay or not. less
If your SO cheats you SHOULD remain an adult and decide if you want to work out the underlying problem that lead to the cheating or leave them. Retaliation doesn't help and sure as hell doesn't feel good.
Were your boyfriend mine I would seriously consider if he is mature enough for a relationship...but that's just me. (Unless he was joking...)
05/09/2011
Be careful, girl. I may have missed this but how long have you been together? This could turn unhealth and you could get hurt. Just think of yourself before him, because you know who he mostly cares about.
05/09/2011
Quote:
I had never even realized that what he says is abuse and just the same as a physically abusive would say before, he really does make me feel like I'm crazy for telling him he's wrong in threatening this.
Originally posted by
Selective Sensualist
"Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me."
That is the ... more
That is the ... more
"Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me."
That is the mindset of an abuser. People who abuse others always blame the victim for their own freely-chosen actions. ("But I only hit you because you pissed me off. Just don't piss me off! You deserved it.")
There are many forms of abuse. Emotional blackmail is one of them. And I firmly believe that anyone who engages in ANY kind of abuse, even just emotional and verbal abuse, is more than capable of crossing the line to physical abuse. After all, it is only one's mindset that prevents one from being physically violent with others during disagreements and confrontations. The problem with someone who has become accustomed to being abusive is that s/he feels as though being angered is a perfect justification to harm others. S/he feels entitled to his/her abusive behavior.
Anyone who engages in any kind of abuse whatsoever is completely self-centered and is too immature to have a truly caring, mutually beneficial relationship. It sounds like he needs to work out his issues on his own (ahem, without you in the picture) before he enters another relationship.
But first, I would quietly go about gathering up any photographic/videotape d footage that you were nice enough to let him take of you. Again, I reiterate from my earlier post that he is sure to post this footage of you no matter what your reason for breaking up. He will say that he just "knows" you cheated on him. He is already concerned about you cheating on him while it is just a theoretical possibility. This is not healthy or normal.
Anyway, I just want to pass on the observation that what he is threatening you with is not even an "eye for an eye" revenge. If he wanted to limit himself to matching this theoretical transgression (a true "eye for an eye" revenge), he would just cheat on you. But instead he is threatening to one-up you. What he is threatening you with is something that could damage your reputation and wrongfully violate your privacy on an ongoing basis because anything he publishes to the Internet is pretty much there to stay. So he is threatening you with an action that is even worse than just cheating on you. I hate telling anyone what to do, but I just want to encourage you to seriously rethink your relationship with someone like that.
Best of luck, hon. less
That is the mindset of an abuser. People who abuse others always blame the victim for their own freely-chosen actions. ("But I only hit you because you pissed me off. Just don't piss me off! You deserved it.")
There are many forms of abuse. Emotional blackmail is one of them. And I firmly believe that anyone who engages in ANY kind of abuse, even just emotional and verbal abuse, is more than capable of crossing the line to physical abuse. After all, it is only one's mindset that prevents one from being physically violent with others during disagreements and confrontations. The problem with someone who has become accustomed to being abusive is that s/he feels as though being angered is a perfect justification to harm others. S/he feels entitled to his/her abusive behavior.
Anyone who engages in any kind of abuse whatsoever is completely self-centered and is too immature to have a truly caring, mutually beneficial relationship. It sounds like he needs to work out his issues on his own (ahem, without you in the picture) before he enters another relationship.
But first, I would quietly go about gathering up any photographic/videotape d footage that you were nice enough to let him take of you. Again, I reiterate from my earlier post that he is sure to post this footage of you no matter what your reason for breaking up. He will say that he just "knows" you cheated on him. He is already concerned about you cheating on him while it is just a theoretical possibility. This is not healthy or normal.
Anyway, I just want to pass on the observation that what he is threatening you with is not even an "eye for an eye" revenge. If he wanted to limit himself to matching this theoretical transgression (a true "eye for an eye" revenge), he would just cheat on you. But instead he is threatening to one-up you. What he is threatening you with is something that could damage your reputation and wrongfully violate your privacy on an ongoing basis because anything he publishes to the Internet is pretty much there to stay. So he is threatening you with an action that is even worse than just cheating on you. I hate telling anyone what to do, but I just want to encourage you to seriously rethink your relationship with someone like that.
Best of luck, hon. less
Thank you for your advice. Everyone here is so nice and supportive
I love all the points you make, and I am definitely going to delete the rest of the stuff and think about everything... We had talked about breaking up a couple months ago but decided we'd give us another try and really work harder on our relationship, and things have been going pretty okay. So if I do leave him, it'll be pretty tough..
05/09/2011
Quote:
We've known each other 9 years. We were each other's first loves in high school but my parents wouldn't let me date him. Some time went by without us talking and we became friends again a couple years ago and have been officially dating for a little over a year now.
Originally posted by
Cream in the Cupcake
Be careful, girl. I may have missed this but how long have you been together? This could turn unhealth and you could get hurt. Just think of yourself before him, because you know who he mostly cares about.
After going through a rough spot in our relationship, he's been crazy insecure..
05/09/2011
Quote:
I just read this and agree 100% with it (as well as with P'Gell's other post above). Her posts above are exactly what I was trying to say in my last post.
Originally posted by
P'Gell
People who act as your boyfriend does do not need any "Proof." He's already expecting (and probably looking forward to) to put those pictures out there, if he has to make up a reason to do so, he will.
Honey, he's a sick ... more
Honey, he's a sick ... more
People who act as your boyfriend does do not need any "Proof." He's already expecting (and probably looking forward to) to put those pictures out there, if he has to make up a reason to do so, he will.
Honey, he's a sick guy. It doesn't matter if you've never done anything wrong, he'll find something and blow it out of proportion or he'll make something up.
Please, be SAFE. Get out of this situation before you get badly hurt. Guys like this also usually resort to their fists to "punish" non-existent behavior in their relationships, too.
This is a HUGE red flag. Please be safe, take your stuff and get as far away from this person as possible. You CAN'T ever be "good enough" for someone with an ill mind.
Please keep yourself safe and get out, before something even worse than what he is threatening happens. less
Honey, he's a sick guy. It doesn't matter if you've never done anything wrong, he'll find something and blow it out of proportion or he'll make something up.
Please, be SAFE. Get out of this situation before you get badly hurt. Guys like this also usually resort to their fists to "punish" non-existent behavior in their relationships, too.
This is a HUGE red flag. Please be safe, take your stuff and get as far away from this person as possible. You CAN'T ever be "good enough" for someone with an ill mind.
Please keep yourself safe and get out, before something even worse than what he is threatening happens. less
One thing I didn't mention (but P'Gell did, thankfully enough) is how important it is to seriously ask yourself what it is that you see in someone who would abuse you. Put some long, hard thought into this before you allow yourself to enter another relationship. The relationship you are in is not healthy because his behavior is not the behavior of a healthy, well-adjusted adult. And he cannot become a healthy, well-adjusted adult by anyone's efforts except his own. (And he won't bother to put any effort into maturing as long as you stay because his tactics are obviously working.)
05/09/2011
Quote:
Gotta agree with Selective Sensualist here.
Originally posted by
Selective Sensualist
No, this is absolutely not right. And the fact that he is emotionally blackmailing you (because that is exactly what he is doing---blackmailing you with threats) sends up all kinds of warning flags that he is manipulative and controlling. And
...
more
No, this is absolutely not right. And the fact that he is emotionally blackmailing you (because that is exactly what he is doing---blackmailing you with threats) sends up all kinds of warning flags that he is manipulative and controlling. And you'd better believe that he will post the nudes and videos all over the Internet no matter what your reason for breaking up. He will just use the excuse that he just "knows" you were cheating on him as an excuse. He does not respect the intimacy you are sharing with him by allowing him to privately photograph and videotape you. That is reprehensible.
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I've also been threatened with that, but mine was by an ex who had pics/video - it really made me realize that it was a mistake to ever let him near my files. *sighs*
05/10/2011
No, Never okay
05/10/2011
I wouldn't even give them nudes or let them take videos if they said that to me.
That would be my "Okay, BYEEE" moment. x)
I wouldn't stay with someone who would want to manipulate me.
That would be my "Okay, BYEEE" moment. x)
I wouldn't stay with someone who would want to manipulate me.
05/10/2011
I've had someone do this to me, and I caught him, and I went through hell getting those things down! It's not okay to do, and it's not okay for him to make threats like that! That's no relationship at all!
09/18/2011