The New Intimacy

Is it fair to post pics of your SO if they betray you?

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Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.

I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the same to someone else?

This is all assuming that there are no nudes of this person or you online already and/or if they were against having pics online.


I see both sides of it and I can't figure out if this is okay or not.
05/08/2011
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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by salaciousrex
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.

I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the ... more
No, this isn't okay under any circumstances. Two wrong don't make a right.
05/08/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
No, this is not even close to ok. I don't care if you were cheated on, left, or what have you. It's wrong any way you slice it. (And if that's his attitude, you might take away the pictures and videos he currently has of you, because I'm afraid you're going to end up all over the internet at some point.)
05/08/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
That is not ok with me. It ruins the idea of making the pics and videos; those images are supposed to be just between the two of you, and him already saying that he'd use them against you ruins that intimacy. Yes, you should not be cheating in the first place, but it's the idea that he's THAT willing to broadcast something that private without your permission. NOT ok. If my guy said that, I'd personally erase any trace of pics/videos I'd given him and never send him another pic again.

I see where it would be a revenge possibility, but it's the fact that he's saying it without the situation already being around. That shows that he has a plan to deal with it if you ever cheat, and it negates any "oh, he's just really angry and reckless right now" excuse. He's saying in a perfectly clear state of mind that he'd do something like that, so I couldn't even consider it revenge if he ever came to doing it; revenge isn't planned ahead of the event that calls for revenge!
05/08/2011
Contributor: sexygoddess sexygoddess
Not ok.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
Not Ok at all.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Absolutely, 100% NOT OK. If my special-someone said that to me, they would no longer be in my life. I will not be blackmailed and I will not be in a relationship with someone who thinks that kind of behavior is ok. Every memory stick, disc and file folder he had containing pictures of me would be destroyed before I drop-kick him to the curb.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
No, this is absolutely not right. And the fact that he is emotionally blackmailing you (because that is exactly what he is doing---blackmailing you with threats) sends up all kinds of warning flags that he is manipulative and controlling. And you'd better believe that he will post the nudes and videos all over the Internet no matter what your reason for breaking up. He will just use the excuse that he just "knows" you were cheating on him as an excuse. He does not respect the intimacy you are sharing with him by allowing him to privately photograph and videotape you. That is reprehensible.
05/08/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
never ok
05/08/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
No it's not okay and if someone told me they thought it was okay, I can promise that I would never take any pictures or anything for them. I don't think revenge is appropriate in any form though. I think it is very immature.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Ditto, I'd get rid of all the shit I gave him.
05/08/2011
Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
Thank you everybody.
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel so stupid about it when I argue about it to him, so I thought I might be the only one that thinks it's wrong.
Thank you for giving me your opinions. I feel a lot better knowing that this is not something most (if anyone else) would do. I have deleted almost everything off of his phone but he still does have some stuff. I've never been dishonest with him and I'd never cheat or anything.
05/08/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
Good luck, hun. Tell us if you need anything.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Sounds like your S/O is a childish manipulative douche. Even if he isn't, he is behaving like one. I would erase everything, ruin the hard copies, and leave him. For all you know he is secretly doing it already... he certainly doesn't seem to have a problem with it.
05/08/2011
Contributor: daniel and frances daniel and frances
Quote:
Originally posted by salaciousrex
My boyfriend told me if I ever cheated on him he'd post nudes of me and videos we've made online.

I was just wondering if anyone else agrees that this is fair "revenge" I guess it would be considered?
And would you do the ... more
I don't think it's ok. Regardless of the betrayl, revenge is not the answer.
05/08/2011
Contributor: chidoll chidoll
Ugh. No, not okay at all. That's disgusting on his part. If I were you, I'd hunt down every picture or bit of video he'd ever taken and delete/destroy it. Someone who would do things like that, I wouldn't trust them not to do it in case of any argument.
05/08/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
Sounds like your S/O is a childish manipulative douche. Even if he isn't, he is behaving like one. I would erase everything, ruin the hard copies, and leave him. For all you know he is secretly doing it already... he certainly doesn't seem to ... more
My guy shares this sentiment exactly.
05/08/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
Absolutely not ok and why on Earth would he say this to you? Time to find those pics and destroy because regardless of what happens between you both, I'd be afraid of how he would treat them if you guys ever did hit a rough patch.
05/08/2011
Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
Absolutely not ok and why on Earth would he say this to you? Time to find those pics and destroy because regardless of what happens between you both, I'd be afraid of how he would treat them if you guys ever did hit a rough patch.
We were going through a rough time and talking about jealousy and "rules" and he just told me that, because he knows how afraid I am of the pics getting online. I've sent out nudes before him, but none of them had my face or tattoos, so if those ended up online I wouldn't be recognizable.

And yeah, I'm pretty afraid if we go through another tough time that he'll go ahead and do that, or if he ever heard a rumor about me and didn't believe me he'd do it.

Ugh. I need to find a way to get my hands on his phone and delete the rest of the stuff now that I know I'm not crazy for being weird about this.

I appreciate you guys soooo much.
05/08/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Was talking to my man about this just this afternoon between innings. He said the same thing several others have mentioned - your boyfriend is just blackmailing you into being faithful to him. A healthy relationship is based on love, trust and respect - NOT blackmail. I agree with everyone about that aspect too. I do hope you can get your hands on those pictures and destroy them. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm really glad he gave you the head's up on his feelings so you can take action now. I could never be with someone who felt that way! Please let us know how you get on with this situation.
05/08/2011
Contributor: wetone123 wetone123
Your BF sounds mean and I'd be scared of what else he might do. It's just not right to threaten someone like this. indiglo is right, at least you got a heads up into his personality so that you can destroy all evidence.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by salaciousrex
Thank you everybody.
Everytime he tells me that and I say how wrong and manipulative it is he argues that I just don't cheat and then I have nothing to worry about, and that it's only fair that if I betray him he can betray me. I just feel ... more
Unsolicited advice is unsolicited, delete that man from your life. Pronto.
05/08/2011
Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Was talking to my man about this just this afternoon between innings. He said the same thing several others have mentioned - your boyfriend is just blackmailing you into being faithful to him. A healthy relationship is based on love, trust and ... more
That's a great way to put it- "blackmailing you into being faithful to him. A healthy relationship is based on love, trust and respect - NOT blackmail"

Next time he says this to me (which will probably be when he catches me on his droid deleting pics) I'll have to say that to him. I hope he gets it if it's worded like that, but chances are his mind won't change. He's so insistent that if I betray him he can betray me and he's just incredibly insecure.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by salaciousrex
That's a great way to put it- "blackmailing you into being faithful to him. A healthy relationship is based on love, trust and respect - NOT blackmail"

Next time he says this to me (which will probably be when he catches me on ... more
Do NOT let him catch you. Chances are if he does he will assume you are in a frenzy because you have cheated and want to prevent him from taking his revenge. He sounds a LOT like one of my ex's... who incidentally was the one who was cheating.
05/08/2011
Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
Do NOT let him catch you. Chances are if he does he will assume you are in a frenzy because you have cheated and want to prevent him from taking his revenge. He sounds a LOT like one of my ex's... who incidentally was the one who was cheating.
Really good point. When he realizes they're gone he'll absolutely freak out though. I guess I'll deal with it as it happens. Thanks for the advice
05/08/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by salaciousrex
Really good point. When he realizes they're gone he'll absolutely freak out though. I guess I'll deal with it as it happens. Thanks for the advice
Good luck hun. As much of an ass as he might be about it. Those are pictures of you, and you have every right to decide what happens to them, including destroying them.
05/08/2011
Contributor: charcat charcat
In my opinion: not fair. It's never cool to do that.
05/08/2011
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Not right or cool at all. Even if you were to betray the emotional trust by cheating, that is a major betrayal of more than that. Once on the net those pictures never really disappear and could greatly harm more than just your relationship with them. This not a good thing, and I would seriously consider the trust this person has with you and if you can trust them. Sounds like a bit of a control freak.
05/08/2011
Contributor: salaciousrex salaciousrex
Quote:
Originally posted by Cedarlooman
Not right or cool at all. Even if you were to betray the emotional trust by cheating, that is a major betrayal of more than that. Once on the net those pictures never really disappear and could greatly harm more than just your relationship with ... more
Oh yeah, he has no trust in me. I've never betrayed him, he's lied to me a few times over silly things though. Maybe that's the reason for his insecurity.
05/08/2011
Contributor: PiratePrincess PiratePrincess
I don't think its okay under any circumstances.
05/08/2011