The New Intimacy

Fiance wants me to do something, I don't feel comfortable?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Hey guys, I wanted your input on this. It's really silly, and I don't know why it bothers me. I just wanted your guys's input.

My fiance and I love toys, but mostly for solo. Every now and then we will tease each other with things like butt plugs, dildos, and vibrators. Lubricant and cock rings are always a part of our actual "sex" play, but that's about it. We always had this understanding that we make love with just our bodies.

He told me recently that it would be "sexy" if I wore those leggings/high socks during sex. This makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable. I can't say why, but I don't like the idea of having to dress up for him. It makes me feel "not good enough". Bra and panties are really as far as I've gone, or a nice chemise.

Aside from how I feel, I'm willing to do it to please him. But should I do it if it makes me uncomfortable? Or give something new a try?
05/06/2011
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Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
A couple of things I'd like to say:

On the one hand, you should never be pressured into doing something you don't want to do.

On the other hand, (I'm not being judgmental or criticizing right here) I'm not sure I understand why you're uncomfortable with it. Dressing up can accent your best features. They don't have to hide your flaws. Perhaps, since he likes your legs, he wants to see them even sexier than what they are! To ease your discomfort, most stockings are usually pretty transparent. Also, they make your legs shapelier and accent your nakedness during sex.

All in all, I'd say that you should try wearing stockings outside of sex first, in a more comfortable situation, like, for a show for him. If you still aren't comfortable with that, that's the end of it. Do talk to your fiance about your uncomfortableness--he might have some insight or encouragement too.
05/06/2011
Contributor: kelaaa33wish kelaaa33wish
I agree with Annemarie
05/06/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
People have preferences and fetishes. There's no way to avoid that. Is there something particular that you'd like to see him in? If so you could perhaps do a trade.

I would not think of it as him saying you're not good enough; he's trusting you with an idea he likes, being able to tell you without fear that you'll make fun of him. As Annemarie said, stockings are about emphasizing how sexy your legs are, not covering their flaws.

I understand feeling odd about the idea of dressing up for him. You could think of the stockings (and any other non-normal lingerie) as special lingerie: wear them on a night that EVERYTHING is supposed to be special, like a date night or a planned romantic night in. I think it's healthy in a relationship to have little moments like that, to remind each other that you care about giving the relationship some spark, looking attractive to each other, etc.

It's good that you are generally comfortable and confident that he likes you the way you are, but those small details (like wearing stockings once in a while) show that you will put a little extra effort into making him happy. In a healthy relationship, that effort will then bounce right back to you, and you'll create a volley of give and take.

I agree with Annemarie, though; make sure to discuss your uneasiness about the idea with your partner. He might be able to explain a little better why he likes the idea of stockings. Good luck!
05/06/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
People have preferences and fetishes. There's no way to avoid that. Is there something particular that you'd like to see him in? If so you could perhaps do a trade.

I would not think of it as him saying you're not good enough; ... more
Thank you guys for your input. I guess I just got the feeling that I ALREADY wasn't doing enough. It's a little difficult to explain, I guess. Aside from the thought I have put into making sex wonderful between me and my fiance, not to mention the time... I was a little shaken to hear that he wanted more.

We always have amazing sex until about two weeks ago. It isn't horrible now, but it seems like our lives are getting in the way. He comes home from being on base and we get in the mood, get going, and I spend so much time making sure he is getting his fill that I am not physically, emotionally and mentally stimulating myself so I can climax. And sometimes I feel that he should be doing a little more of that. Granted, he does spend his own extra time on me. But poor hubby, he just gets tired and he's given up a few times. Very frustrating, especially before an upcoming wedding.

I already pick out lingerie. Such as the very expensive Victoria's Secret bras and panties, and I own about a million gorgeous fancy chemises. He always compliments them. So I felt like maybe I wasted my money or something. I always found those little stockings to be really... unattractive? I have actually owned them in my lifetime, but they were from little pajama sets that two of my friends got me at a little "engagement celebration party". Tried them on, tossed them out.

You guys are definitely right, and maybe I should really suck it up and do something extra special to make him happy. I do a lot, but I guess sometimes it is just a lot of giving that needs to be done. Maybe it will help us both get in the mood a little more.
05/06/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
SecretToyLover - you're undertaking a long journey together. Things are going to change over time. You should cultivate his curiosity and introduce your own. Once you 'get in the game' it will be mutual. Ex - after 21 years of marriage I got my wife to try pegging me. It was awkward - and funny. At the end of all we just laughed and she let me know 'this in not for me'. However at the same time whe's more than happy to use anal toys on me while doing other types of sex play - she's just not into the role-play aspect of pegging.

So go along - something harmless like lingerie will seem small compared to what's int your future! Enjoy the journey!
05/06/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
It sounds like there are a couple things going on here, wedding stress prolly being the most prominent one.

Sex lives rise and fall; it's natural.

Just keep the communication open and you'll be both fine!
05/06/2011
Contributor: PassionQT PassionQT
Leggings as in pants? Or hosiery/thigh highs? I love wearing those during sex, but hey, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to do it, don't. He probably gets REALLY turned on by a partially clothed woman. I work in the adult entertainment industry and I'm estimating that roughly 60% or more of the guys I talk to get really turned on my hosiery; it may be new to the two of you, but not unusual.

Just buy thigh highs that stay-up on their own if you are going to try it out. They are low-maintenance and inexpensive (wal-mart sells them even). I love thigh highs but personally can't stand garters because they are a pain to get on/off. I'm a pants woman, can't stand skirts, but every now and then I'll compromise.
05/06/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Thank you guys for your input. I guess I just got the feeling that I ALREADY wasn't doing enough. It's a little difficult to explain, I guess. Aside from the thought I have put into making sex wonderful between me and my fiance, not to ... more
Comes home from being on base- is you guy military? I don't want to read too much into your response but my guy is military and and is exhausted. We have also been making wedding plans and our sex life has slumped (a lot). If your guy is anything like my guy, he is burnt out and the fatigue of the op tempo they are in just seems to get faster and faster. No rest for the wicked!

I think you need to talk to him about how you're feeling. Explain your concerns, but I'd also encourage you to try the hose. They are cheap and he's probably interested in seeing you in something different if you've consistently been wearing chemises'. Variety is the spice of life, no? That said, if you try it and it doesn't work, no harm, no foul. Keep the lines of communication open and good luck.
05/06/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I just want to say that I have felt very similarly in the past. I was talking to my man one night, and he mentioned something he liked, and felt like I hadn't been pleasing him enough from the beginning (because I hadn't done that) so I felt very hurt. But let me tell you how he explained it to me.

Suppose you really LOVE steak. You could eat it every single day of your life and be happy - and you DO eat it every single day and you ARE happy. Every once in a while, you might want some chocolate cake for dessert too. It's not that you are unsatisfied with your steak, it's just that the chocolate cake is a nice little treat occasionally. It cannot take the place of the steak, and it doesn't mean you like the steak any less... it's just a nice addition sometimes.

What I learned is that he loves our sex life, he loves the things I do and the things I wear for him - and he loves it so much, that sometimes he even wants to see me in something out of the norm, something different... because he loves me so much he wants to see me in everything.

I hope this helps a little. Maybe you should just sit down and talk to him - in a very non-confrontational way. Best wishes!
05/06/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by liilii080
Comes home from being on base- is you guy military? I don't want to read too much into your response but my guy is military and and is exhausted. We have also been making wedding plans and our sex life has slumped (a lot). If your guy is ... more
Very true. Nice to know there's another military girl on here! My fiance is in the air force. He does weapon testing and works with missiles. Surprisingly, he refers to these jobs as desk jobs... but he is traveling a lot. Sometimes he comes home, and gets called back on base within the hour. So I know he is tired.

I, on the other hand, am an assistant manager at a local grocery store. Also a part time student (close to graduating) and I volunteer 2 days a week at the local planned parenthood. I go to schools and do their sex education. We're both just really busy.

My work with planned parenthood ends in two weeks. I've been working with them for years, and I love it... but I can't handle it in my life right now. So yes, JR, wedding plans are freakin killing me!

I do agree with you all, I will try the "Stockings" or leggings or whatever they are called. I'm assuming he meant those sock-looking ones. Similair to what you would see college girls wearing, I think. I actually bought a few different types so I can figure out what the hell he wants. I got some pantyhose type ones with lace and bows at the top. I got one pear that look like some very sexy, thin socks. And I got some fish net ones with bows at the top. All with the "Stay-up" feature.

If you look through my other posts, he did the sweetest thing last night to make up for upsetting me - although after reading your responses, I should not have been upset. But thank you guys so much, and I'm going to try something new. My baby deserves this after all the hard work he is doing to buy us a new home.
05/06/2011
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
Did you see these? link These are more like the school-girl, over-the-knee socks/thigh highs.



These would be absolutely adorable with some high-heeled Mary Janes and a sexy schoolgirl outfit. It would probably blow his mind if you surprised him with a full costume get-up. He would certainly not be expecting it!

One thing I like about these is that they would even be cute to wear with a black skirt while out on a date with your fiance.
05/07/2011
Contributor: SexyLilPixi SexyLilPixi
Quote:
Originally posted by Selective Sensualist
Did you see these? link These are more like the school-girl, over-the-knee socks/thigh highs.



These would be absolutely adorable with some high-heeled Mary Janes and a sexy schoolgirl outfit. It would probably blow his mind if you ... more
Oh god, DROOL, I want em'!!

I wouldn't see it as you not being "good enough". I'd see it as your man being so turned on by you that he thinks your already incredibly sexy self would look incredibly sexy in them.

Did that make sense? lol
05/07/2011
Contributor: neon neon
you dont have to if you dont want to!!
05/07/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Let us know how your experience went!!!!!
05/07/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Aw! I'm so sorry about how you're feeling. It was brave of you to admit your feelings here. I really can relate to how you feel. I like to wear sexy lingerie so much, but honestly, I like to wear it because my partner tells me he would rather see me. If he asked me to wear something, me being a paranoid anyways, would not be able to help but wonder if I wasn't good enough. You are though. You really are. I don't quite know how to answer your questions, but my partner and I had discussed this type of thing a lot and I probably would only feel sexy in the lingerie if it was my choice and not because he asked. I know he probably is just as turned on by your naked body, but I get ya. I have those feelings and questions too sometimes. I think you should do it only when you're comfortable. Honestly, I think you should ask him. That's how my bf and I overcome those little nagging questions I have. I ask him to honestly tell me if I am good enough or not and he always assures me I am. I am one of those that tend to feel not-so-good-enough easily. I hate it! But, I think if you let things cool down a little with your thoughts as I'm sure they're going crazy right now, you will probably be able to enjoy it more. Just make sure you only do what makes YOU feel sexy. It took me a long time to learn that and once I did, it made a world of difference. As long as you FEEL sexy, he will see it.
05/07/2011