Fighting in front of children.

Let me just start this by saying that once one becomes a parent, what one thinks "I'll never do" or "What I know is best." Often changes, and in a drastic manner.

People have to live their lives. People who love each other often argue, fight and get into disagreements.

It isn't workable to put a child outside every time you and your husband have an argument. And, knowing from being trained in Psychology, one of the scariest things for children is the "whispering fight." Where parents "don't want to upset the children" and fight in whispers and then say "Nothings wrong!" when the kids ask. I think it's disengenous to pretend like relationships can be perfect, when they CAN'T be. Children LEARN from disagreement, that people can argue, make up and THEN still love each other.

There were some studies done in the 70s where kids in families where the parents "never fought in front of the children" ended up with kids who were afraid to stand up for themselves, avoided conflict at all costs and never learned the way to fight "right."

So, while of course, out right Domestic Violence or physical harm to anyone is something that should addressed first by the Law and then by therapy, arguing while children are in the house is not only OK, it not only strengthens their ability to get along with others, but it is impossible to avoid.

What are you going to do, put the kid out in the yard every time you and your partner or you and one of your teenagers get into a disagreement? It's unworkable not to mention impossible to maintain forever.

Kids learn to cope. And they learn to cope better when they see the adults in their live addressing disagreements and the SOLVING them.

My Man and I DO ask our youngest daughter to please go to her room when we need to (loudly) discuss something (and we did the same with our other kids) but, she knows we're getting into it. But, lesser agreement are dealt with in the full view of everyone. It's only natural. But removing her from the environment every time we disagreed on something or worse, refusing to address the issue and become passive or resentful or carrying a lot of un-dealt with anger around would be worse for her well being in the long run.

Also, kids are repeatedly removed from the environment every time there is a disagreement may start to think THEY are responsible for the discord, which will end in them carrying guilt for things they have not done.

As I have said before: I was once a perfect parent..... then I had kids.... less

My parents fought in front of my sisters and me when we were growing up. I wouldn't say it ruined me or anything, but it's not something I would do in front of my kids. I know that when my parents really got into, I'd wish they'd just get divorced and get it over with. If anything, seeing them fight reinforced the idea that divorce is a better option sometimes. They're still together now.

True, I have no kids now, but it's something I've thought about. As P'Gell stated above, people's opinions can/do change after having kids; that's natural.

If the kids seemed to be really distraught about the fight or heated exchange of words, I'd talk to them and tell them it's ok when mommy and daddy talk loudly at each other and it doesn't mean they did anything wrong (unless they did, but I digress).

In your situation though, I would've have taken the kid outside. I would've stepped out, because it's awkward to be near that kind of fighting when you're a guest. less

My parents fought in front of my sisters and me when we were growing up. I wouldn't say it ruined me or anything, but it's not something I would do in front of my kids. I know that when my parents really got into, I'd wish they'd just get divorced and get it over with. If anything, seeing them fight reinforced the idea that divorce is a better option sometimes. They're still together now.

True, I have no kids now, but it's something I've thought about. As P'Gell stated above, people's opinions can/do change after having kids; that's natural.

If the kids seemed to be really distraught about the fight or heated exchange of words, I'd talk to them and tell them it's ok when mommy and daddy talk loudly at each other and it doesn't mean they did anything wrong (unless they did, but I digress).

In your situation though, I would've have taken the kid outside. I would've stepped out, because it's awkward to be near that kind of fighting when you're a guest. less

How do you feel about it?

Not fist fighting, but yelling and screaming.
I was hanging aroung my boyfriends sister, and she has a 1yr old. Her and the dad got ino a big fight, and I picked up the baby and walked out of the house.
later she came to me, and asked why did I leave?
I told her people shouldn't fight around children weather they are yours or not.
she told me I was crazy! That her son is to young to know what is going on.

I personally feel very different. I feel like he knows, and he can pick up on violent vibes. I told her if your going to argue do it in a different room.

What do you guys think about it? I posted this in the "Long term relationships" because I thought it was the best place to post it. Most people in long term relationships have children, or have agreed how they want to raise future children.

Thanks for reading!! less

How do you feel about it?

Not fist fighting, but yelling and screaming.
I was hanging aroung my boyfriends sister, and she has a 1yr old. Her and the dad got ino a big fight, and I picked up the baby and walked out of the house.
later she came to me, and asked why did I leave?
I told her people shouldn't fight around children weather they are yours or not.
she told me I was crazy! That her son is to young to know what is going on.

I personally feel very different. I feel like he knows, and he can pick up on violent vibes. I told her if your going to argue do it in a different room.

What do you guys think about it? I posted this in the "Long term relationships" because I thought it was the best place to post it. Most people in long term relationships have children, or have agreed how they want to raise future children.

Thanks for reading!! less