Don't get me wrong, I know this needs to be resolved and that I need to make my feelings completely plain to my wife rather than sugar-coating it. I just really would like to hear from other long-term couples whether I am being unreasonable in expecting the seduction, flirting, and romance/lust (depending on our moods) most days in the hours leading up to sex.

And don't get me wrong, my wife is a wonderful, wonderful woman who makes everything that I enjoy in my life possible. I do everything I possibly can to ease her burden so she can relax and enjoy life-- not because I'm hoping it will get me laid or flirted with, but because that is what she deserves. I go all out trying to seduce and flirt with her too, not just leading up to sex, but every day I see her. She loves me and we share intimate moments every day, but I just.....you know.....want to feel desired too.

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I do not think you are being unreasonable at all in expecting or hoping your mate will show you that she is looking forward to and desiring to be with you. For us, that seduction is the beginning of our foreplay. When I begin seducing my husband, his reaction or lack there of, is my clue whether or not to pursue things further. Once in a blue moon, the flirts are not reciprocated, and if that is the case, it is soon followed by explanation (not feeling well, need a nap first, whatever...) to avoid feelings of rejection.

We've been married 17 years. There was a time when my husband was very much in your shoes. He talked to me about it and told me because I wasn't participating in the seduction efforts, it made him feel less than, or that I didn't want him or that I didn't desire him. I have seen my husband heartbroken only a couple of times in our years together and this was one of them. I wish I could say I snapped out of it immediately and got right in there, unfortunately I did not. It took time for his words and the way he felt to really sink in (I'm really stubborn and hard-headed; a true Irish red-head) and for me to feel comfortable enough within my own skin (self esteem issues are a bitch!) to even believe I had the ability to seduce my husband.

I am so grateful I was finally able to move past all that shit. So is he! Talk to her. Be gentle. Hopefully she'll come around. In the mean time, be good to yourself. less

Well, folks, it definitely came all out in the open last night..... but not quite the way I expected. The same thing happened leading up to sex-- no flirting, no seduction, no playfulness. I figured sex without feeling desired was better than no sex at all, so we started in on the foreplay and then the sex. But a funny-- well, not so funny, fairly embarrassing, actually-- thing happened. I couldn't perform. It didn't take long for me to realize what was going on, so I just focused on giving her an orgasm.

She asked me what was wrong, and I told her. What surprised me is that she already knew exactly what I was going to say. She had already had been thinking about it for a while now. Her explanation is that she is always so tired that she can't get in the mood to do put in the effort of flirting and seducing.

So there we are, we need to figure out what is making her so tired all the time and fix that. Unfortunately, I think we just went through the easy part.

Oh, I want to thank all of you for your kind words and well wishes. I'm really glad I found this community. It helps. less