have you ever cheated?

have you ever cheated?

aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
i saw a statistic in an eden cafe article stating that a men's health magazine poll showed that 22% of people cheat. i think it's much higher than that.

be it a simple kiss, a fantasy world you've created with another, cyber dirty talk or sexting, or the real deal, it's cheating if your relationship boundaries have it labeled as such.


so... have you ever?

what, if anything did you do about it? did you tell your partner? did they find out? did they forgive you?

thanks for sharing.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
yes
71  (30%)
no
147  (63%)
maybe it was cheating... (if you think it might have been, though, it probably was)
17  (7%)
Total votes: 235
Poll is closed
07/21/2011
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Sir Sir
No.
07/21/2011
Avant-garde Avant-garde
nope
07/21/2011
lanky lanky
was cheated on once, would never do that to someone
07/21/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
No - I honestly don't see how it so many people do. When you've decided that can no longer stay true to your commitment, you tell your partner BEFORE taking action on your desires.

Honesty and integrity - what a concept!
07/21/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
this article quotes 2 studies, one showing 40% and the other, a kinsey study showing that 50% of US men cheat.
i found it by googling 'why do men cheat'


6 reasons why men cheat


who wants to research the stats on women?
(not that you should ever believe everything that you read... or 'stats' for that matter. just a funfact. like the kind on bags of instant oatmeal.)


07/21/2011
Ryuson Ryuson
Never have and never will
07/21/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
I equate cheaters to cowards.
07/21/2011
NuclearTeapot NuclearTeapot
Yes, I put maybe. The reason is because when I was in college I decided to end my long term relationship. On the day I decided I planned to call my boyfriend to after talk to him and explain why I wanted to end it. Before the call, by a few hours, I kissed another guy in a fit of pent up emotion. I still later called and broke it off.
07/21/2011
married with children married with children
nope, never have. And no desire to.
07/22/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
Never and never will. Once my heart belongs to someone, they are the only one I want.
If my feelings changed for them, I'd end the relationship and then move on!
07/22/2011
Valentinka Valentinka
Nope. Never actually wanted to.
07/24/2011
Noira Celestia Noira Celestia
In high school in at least three relationships actually. I had some serious mental health issues in high school though and have been a very faithful partner since I became an adult. I think in part though being more mentally healthy had a big part to do with it.

I wouldn't call cheaters cowards though, I don't even understand the comparison. Every time I cheated I was 100% honest about it afterward with my partner. A lot of people with Bipolar Disorder are guilty of cheating and even though it's wrong, I am totally empathetic to emotional state that's behind it. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me there are totally different types of cheating and different motivations behind cheating.
07/24/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
well, according to this post, all the articles i quoted are BS!

ha. restores my faith in humanity.



07/26/2011
dopy dopy
I noticed nobody who voted yes posted so I guess I will.

I did once when I was 15, it was terrible. I did tell the person what I did and how sorry I was and they did forgive me. I learned a valuable lesson. One would have liked to have not learned. However, I'm still together with the person I cheated on today. I guess I'm just one of the luckier ones who got a second chance.
07/26/2011
Noira Celestia Noira Celestia
Your sample size just isn't big enough.
07/26/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Oh man. I have. Ugh.

It was about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship for about 8 months, and we hadn't touched each other in about 6. We even lived together. It was hard with all of that pent up frustration and feeling like I wasn't desired at all.

It was with someone I worked with. And yes, it was the textbook definition of "cheating". It started off as casual flirting, but went full steam ahead very quickly. I already knew my relationship was basically over, but he was dating a girl he'd been with for three years and was 'still very much in love with'.

He invited me over to his place after work one day to hang out in a friendly way. Next thing we know, we're both drunk and naked. I ended up working up the courage to tell my guy after about a week of feeling like the most horrible person in the world. We're still friends and still very close roommates.

Going through that whole situation was torture for me. Not only did I hurt someone who loved me, but I hurt someone I didn't even know. (But it wasn't all my fault.)

Right now, I'm technically not with my most recent "boyfriend", as we decided to take a break, but things between us haven't changed. I've had guys come out of the woodwork and go above and beyond to do nice things for me. I've had exes reappear. When I think about it though, the thought of someone else touching me is something I can't even stomach.
07/26/2011
shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
i saw a statistic in an eden cafe article stating that a men's health magazine poll showed that 22% of people cheat. i think it's much higher than that.

be it a simple kiss, a fantasy world you've created with another, cyber dirty ...
ok yes I have...on my long term bf that passed away a year ago.I loved him to pieces and I am generally a very loyal person but unfortunately we had a very bad relationship and he wouldnt let me go.I know that it sounds crazy but we had broken up b4 and I started seeing this really nice man and I ended up having to get restraining order against bf.I ended up caving at one point and got back with him ...I know stupid.after that I knew I could never get away from him.H e wasnt physically abusive..but he was mentally.
08/07/2011
IslandGoddess IslandGoddess
Quote:
Originally posted by dopy
I noticed nobody who voted yes posted so I guess I will.

I did once when I was 15, it was terrible. I did tell the person what I did and how sorry I was and they did forgive me. I learned a valuable lesson. One would have liked to have not ...
wow thats exactly what happend to me...But i dont know if i would consider mine cheatin because we werent together when it happened but i was 15 then and im 18 now...i just told him in the begining of the year and it hurt him really bad. Ive never cheated on him and i never will. We been together 3years and still goin i love him very much and i made a mistake and just like you ive learnt from it. But he still wont trust me i wish he could see that im being faithful and im inlove with him. I honestly have never cheated on any of my past partners. But the only reason i did what i did was because i was hurt and i felt very vunerable and the other boy told me everything i wanted to hear plus the main reason was because he gave me head which my boyfriend didnt want to do. But i dont care about gettin head anymore because my boyfriend is great in bed i was just a little too young to understand that.
08/08/2011
tickle me pink tickle me pink
No, and I don't ever plan to.
08/08/2011
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
No - I honestly don't see how it so many people do. When you've decided that can no longer stay true to your commitment, you tell your partner BEFORE taking action on your desires.

Honesty and integrity - what a concept!
I agree. I really don't understand cheating. If you don't want to be with someone anymore, you end the relationship, and move on. I've never cheated, and don't have the desire.
08/09/2011
Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
In high school but I was a freaking kid that just made out with other boys. But with a serious relationship I have not.
08/09/2011
Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
nope! not once.
08/09/2011
daveysgirl daveysgirl
When i was a teen sure. not now! I was not serious either when I was teen
08/09/2011
deadpoet deadpoet
I cheated 3 times in the 7 years we have been together. (his defination of cheating)
08/09/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
when i was a bit younger i was in what was at that time the most magical romantic relationship of my life. an abnormal chain of events ended up with me going to a party one night with a guy i only knew slightly from a class i was taking. i was talking about my boy all night long (who could not attend the party) as we hung out with his friends, and was naive and stupid enough to go home with him. he wanted to cut my hair (it was shaved at the time and i'd been letting it grow a little). i agreed.

he offered me my first shot of absynthe, wormwood root and all and i half-jokingly agreed, saying i'd take it only as long as he promised not to take advantage of me. he'd expressed interest in me that night but i was telling myself it was still an innocent interaction between myself and a male friend.
a gal pal later told me that absynthe is more like a drug than alcohol. i won't blame what happened on that, but i do feel it played a part.

we started watching a movie and i let him take my clothes off, and as soon as he stuck his dick in me i freaked out. i mean you would think i needed to be put in a mental hospital the way i was carrying on, screaming, curled into a ball on his bed. i had just 'came to,' and realized what was happening and how destroyed my boyfriend would be. i grabbed my clothes, stumbled down the streets to my home. i dont remember even getting into my apartment or into bed but i woke up the next morning with my boyfriends kisses on my arms, sick that i could still smell the guys' cologne on my skin, saw the blood on my nipples from where he had bit me. i told my boyfriend what happened. we had until this point been expressly non-exclusive, but agreed we would do nothing without permission first. i knew he'd be destroyed, and he was. he broke up with me then and there, and i absolutely fell apart.

my boyfriend had major issues with cheaters, as his ex fiance had dumped him, and he'd found her the next day in bed with his BEST FRIEND! i brought back all those horrible feelings for him. he wrote me nasty letters, calling me a cum dumpster (really! a 30 year old man) and saying i had no self control.

six weeks later, after so much remorse and asking him to return to his love-filled patient forgiving self, we met by chance on the street one day and could not stop smiling. over time we got back together, but i ended up cheating (no sex but lesser things) over the next couple years, with a couple guy friends. things got messy. i was always told i was a sexual being, that i exuded sexual energy, but i was so naive. i let things happen, and maybe drew them to me subconsciously. it ended between us when he found the online affair that i'd recently ended out of guilt. a highschool friend was in iraq fighting the war, and what started as innocent fantasies of more beautiful paradises far away from the hell he was experiencing had turned into something sexual. i ended it and then my boyfriend found it. he moved out and we continued seeing eachother off and on till i finally left the country for a year on my own. he found someone else, and i am very happy for him. we're still friends.

years later and seeing what it did in that relationship, i'm extra careful in my current relationship. i have twice seen interactions with guys creating an inkling of a potential for romantic bloomings, and have explained to them immediately why i could not continue our friendship. i told them what happened in my past, admitted i felt an attraction between us and even though it was in infantile stages, did not want to risk it. i lost a couple friends, but it's all worth it, if it means not going through hell again, hurting myself and destroying someone else, destroying this beautiful relationship.

a friend once told me 'just because you cheated on jason (the first boyfriend) doesn't mean you're destined to cheat on everyone. but i do think you're destined to cheat on jason.' i tend to find that statement not so true. i have a tendency to attract boys. im not being arrogant i'm just stating what happens. it's the ability to go into situations wide eyed and avert trouble before it can be born that i've grown into, and that has proved a valuable weapon against adultery and heartache.

08/09/2011
thebest thebest
never, and never wanted to
08/10/2011
ToyGurl ToyGurl
I wont lie. Being engaged to a man who comes home only on the weekends from the Air Force is a living hell. It's hard to be alone on your semi-annual movie night, while all your friends are either single and flirting with the male/female they brought along, or making out with the one they are dating/married to. However, I have always stayed strong and I have been able to make it to marriage this past month and it was well worth it.

There were times when I thought I could have cheated. And it sounds sad, but it was little things like cyber sex or chat. I just wanted to hear someone give me excitement when I was lonely. Have some interactive fun with another. But when it all boils down to it, I realize that he isn't doing that to me, so it's time to grow up and have some self control.

I do think that the rate is much higher than 22%, and I'm sure they were only referring to physical cheating. Not emotional, cyber sex, sexting, etc. type cheating. I know for a fact that every one of my friends have cheated except for me.
08/10/2011
Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I have never cheated. I've been cheated on, so cheaters really piss me off.
08/12/2011
LaLaLouise LaLaLouise
I cheated on my last boyfriend (of 2 years) with the guy I'm currently with (1.5 years so far). We did not have sex until he and I were completely and officially broken up, but we were not totally innocent. I had been unhappy with Guy A for a while. He never wanted to have sex with me because of an addiction to porn. He never complimented me unless I was pointing out the fact that he never did it. He wasn't a bad guy and he was very sweet. But I felt emotionally neglected. I was sort of in denial about it because I had become SO invested in the relationship. I was sure that he was the one and I would marry him, I was extremely close to his daughter and even her mother. My family loved him. So every time I would start to get those little thoughts crawling into my head that maybe it wasn't meant to be, I would just push them aside. Then along came Guy B. And it did honestly start off innocent. He was an old friend from a previous job. We started chatting on Facebook and he would come stop by my work to say hi. Then it turned into texting. Then phone calls. Then I was telling him about all the things that were wrong in my relationship. And from there, feelings grew and we started spending more time together in person. There was a lot of making out and a little touching here and there, but no sex (I know that it still counts as cheating, just saying, there are different degrees). This all went on for about a month. Guy A knew something was up and started wanting to work on our relationship. Which was really frustrating because I was ALWAYS trying to talk to him and work on things, and he never cared to do anything about it. Call me crazy, but is it too much to ask that you put forth the effort when I first tell you there's a problem, rather than waiting until the relationship is falling apart? Anyways, we broke up on Valentine's Day, Guy B and I had sex for the first time that night and made our relationship official and exclusive the next day. I feel really guilty for dragging it out for a month, but I guess I didn't want to walk away from that long and serious of a relationship unless I was sure I was walking toward a longer and better one. Guy B and I have had our ups and downs like every couple, but I wouldn't want to be with anybody else. I very, very much regret cheating, and I chalk it up to one of those mistakes that you can learn a lot from. But I do not regret that I'm with this guy now. He's a dream come true, and he says the same about me. <3
08/12/2011
Total posts: 135
Unique posters: 127