The New Intimacy

How "comfortable" are you with your LONG TERM partner?

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
I know some folks whose long term mate never see's them without their dentures in, or without their hair piece on. I cannot imagine how one keeps that up at home...long term, but they swear they do.

SO...is there something like that, something even your long term partner will not "see" about you?

Is it because you are concerned they will be turned off, or have they said they prefer you "keep up appearances"?

One guy I know has needed Viagra for ten years now, and his wife of 40 years still has no clue.

What about your relationship "secrets"?
09/12/2011
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Contributor: Peggi Peggi
I've seen my guy on weekends where he didn't feel like brushing his hair or showering just sitting in front of his video games, and he still thinks I'm sexy when I go out in my PJs to the store (...yes, I'm one of THOSE lol) and I've been very open about my past, as he for the most part (the parts that don't pain him too much to talk about though he's mentioned them) has been open about his.

We aren't afraid to let each other see the good AND the bad, he's seen me break down and cry, he's seen me angry, and he mostly has seen me happy, and I've never been afraid from the start to show it.

I told him going in, I don't hold back in relationships anymore, I made that mistake and showed a "perfect" side of me, and it wore me down! So no more of that

And we really don't have "secrets" not that I'd be any good at keeping them in the first place
09/12/2011
Contributor: Beaners Beaners
My boyfriend and I kept up appearances for like...two months. Haha! We both think that if you can't be yourself around somebody, then why be with them? It's too exhausting to keep the charade going like that. You have to be yourself at some point.
09/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
We don't have secrets from each other. But, he has no problems with letting farts loose in front of me. We've known each other more than 20 years, so it isn't a big deal. We've seen each other through the worst and best two people can be through so secrets aren't necessary to keep.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
I know some folks whose long term mate never see's them without their dentures in, or without their hair piece on. I cannot imagine how one keeps that up at home...long term, but they swear they do.

SO...is there something like that, ... more
Nope! We're really open about everything; I know he won't judge me! We always close the door when we go to the restroom if that counts?
09/12/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
The only thing we refuse to do in front of each other, is take a dump. We are open and fart in front of each other. We do not have dentures or hair pieces so no secrets there. He has never seen me with pubic hair that count?
09/12/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I am more comfortable with my husband than most of of dearest friends and even my mom (I close the bathroom door for them).

My husband has seen me at my worst(I do not mean while giving birth). I had brain surgery and was in ICU for a week. During that week, I could not move my head at all and just as my luck would have it, I started my period the day after surgery. I was mortified, and I did not care to have my male nurse handle that. My dear husband took care of all my needs while I was in the hospital. Even after I went home there was 6 mos. of recovery. He helped me with my physical therapy everyday (learning to walk, dance, maneuver the stair and so forth) and he would spot clean my scalp and hair for the 3 weeks when I could not get the staples or the incision wet.

We feel very comfortable with each other. Not much could phase either of us at this point.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I'd say we're circumstantial. I've done things for my husband when he was sick or unable to move around that people would tell me I was nuts for doing. But, he's my husband, the love of my life and if I can come up with a way to make life easier for him then I don't care what it takes.

He has had to deal with me spontaneously vomitting for seemingly no reason for the last ten years. It's just a part of who I am. He cleans me and the area up and we move on.

We're not at the denture/hair piece (never) stages yet, but even then I doubt it'd be an issue. We kinda live by Randy Travis's words on the matter: honey I don't care/I ain't in love with your hair/if it all fell out/well I'd love you anyway
09/12/2011
Contributor: oldman oldman
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
I know some folks whose long term mate never see's them without their dentures in, or without their hair piece on. I cannot imagine how one keeps that up at home...long term, but they swear they do.

SO...is there something like that, ... more
I don't have any relationship secrets, unless you include finances and biological and in law stuff. Day to day and sexual stuff I don't hide.
09/12/2011
Contributor: oldman oldman
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I've seen my guy on weekends where he didn't feel like brushing his hair or showering just sitting in front of his video games, and he still thinks I'm sexy when I go out in my PJs to the store (...yes, I'm one of THOSE lol) and ... more
A sweet sentiment.
09/12/2011
Contributor: ashaxmarie ashaxmarie
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
I know some folks whose long term mate never see's them without their dentures in, or without their hair piece on. I cannot imagine how one keeps that up at home...long term, but they swear they do.

SO...is there something like that, ... more
i can't think of anything that we keep from each other. i'm disabled and my long-term partner (who is also much older than me) has some health problems so we're used to loving each other, warts and all, lol! i know he occasionally uses viagra. he knows i have cellulite and i hate wearing makeup. we prefer not to use the bathroom in front of one another but we have done it. we've been together for six years and known each other for much longer than that so we're pretty much used to each other by now.
09/12/2011
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
I'm perfectly comfortable with my partner - we are still young and have been together for over 3 years now. We have lived together for almost 2 years. We just got engaged in July. I have always been comfortable around my partner, that is one thing that I love about our relationship is that we can be. We don't judge each other and we don't keep secrets from each other ever.
09/12/2011
Contributor: mcl272 mcl272
i'm 100% comfortable! we're also still young & have been together for 4 years now. regardless of that, we've always been open about things & would never keep secrets! i don't think you should have to keep secrets for any reason!
09/12/2011
Contributor: Starkiller87 Starkiller87
We were pretty comfortable right off the bat. We moved in together about 3 months into dating and knowing each other. And have been going strong for 3 plus years. We have an open bathroom relationship.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
We are comfortable on many respects but the only thing I am super stuck on is letting him see my dirty underwear. If He sees my dirty underwear full of lady juices it makes me really embarrassed.

I have a lot of secretions, I always have and it makes me uncomfortable if he removes my underwear for sex and they stay on the ground and he might see. He really doesn't care but it makes me SUPER uncomfortable.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
It's hard to stay "perfect" in front of each other, after 18 years of marriage. We're totally comfortable with each other. He doesn't care how puffy I look in the morning, we fart and belch in front of each other, and we don't mind peeing when the other's around. He was there holding my hand, while I was having a c-section, giving birth to our son. He is the only person on this earth, I'm comfortable doing all those things in front of.
09/12/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
We pretty much love each other warts and all. He took care of me after the car wreck and I was released from hospital. He walked in during a trip to the dentist when I was puking all over the place, anasthesia wore off during a tooth pull, and helped clean me up and took me home-So, yeah, not much to hide here. We use the bathroom in private, though!! So, yeah, but he can keep that secret!
09/12/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I do use Cialis but haven't mentioned it to her - although I believe she knows. I've helped my wife recover from surgeries and child birth. She's fully confident in my ability and desire to do the right thing.
09/12/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
at this point, my bf & i have done pretty much everything except poop in front of each other. even that, i once walked into his room when i came over to spend the night, & he was sitting on the toilet w/ his chin propped up on his hands pooping... W/ THE DOOR OPEN! i closed it immediately of course, b/c there are just some things i don't want to see, let alone SMELL. he came out laughing & holding his ass b/c he had just eaten wings a few hrs before & they were not nice to him in the end.
09/12/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
The only thing we refuse to do in front of each other, is take a dump. We are open and fart in front of each other. We do not have dentures or hair pieces so no secrets there. He has never seen me with pubic hair that count?
That is ours too. That's more on my husbands request than mine! Totally makes him uncomfortable if I don't shut the door. Hhaha
09/12/2011
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
I don't like the idea of being in a relationship in which individual partners do not have strongly defined boundaries and a high level of autonomy. I always want myself and my partner to have aspects of our lives that are private. I don't like the two-into-one concept of a romantic relationship; I'm more in favor of the idea that two individuals can form a union in which they compliment the other's individual self.

To this end, my boyfriend doesn't like for me to come in the bathroom to get something if he's pooping. Likewise, I get the impression he's not terribly interested in seeing me poop. Farts are one thing, but pooping is just a private thing for him and I have no problem with that. I prefer him to have boundaries, as well as respect mine.
09/12/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
we pretty slowly opened up to one another but after nearly a year we are now to the point i've never been with anyone, ever. we'll sit on the toity with the door open, chatting, giggling at eachother's farts. and we're still totally attracted to eachother. believe it or not.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
I don't like the idea of being in a relationship in which individual partners do not have strongly defined boundaries and a high level of autonomy. I always want myself and my partner to have aspects of our lives that are private. I don't ... more
I wish my husband understood this. Nothing bothers him at all, but he gets bent out of shape because I don't feel the same way and need my privacy.
09/13/2011
Contributor: Angewin Angewin
After three years we've lost a lot of that restrictive self-consciousness with one another. I like my boyfriend a lot more knowing who he REALLY is. It's like that saying, "You never know what some one is like until you've seen them when they're alone."

It's such a comfort being my crazy self in front of some one.
09/13/2011
Contributor: mandiegk mandiegk
We do not use the bathroom in front of each other, but that is about it. We are open about everything else.
09/13/2011
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
I wish my husband understood this. Nothing bothers him at all, but he gets bent out of shape because I don't feel the same way and need my privacy.
Totally. Just because two people enter a relationship doesn't mean they HAVE to become the SAME person with the same boundaries and level of comfort with various intimate or private acts/events. We don't just magically morph into ONE person; we are still two separate people! Sometimes partners have trouble remembering that, and remembering how important it is to not force your own preferences on another.
09/13/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
no secrets here. We do just about everything together.
09/14/2011
Contributor: ParisLove ParisLove
We are very comfortable with each other
09/14/2011