How Did You Meet Your Inlaws For The First Time?

The New Intimacy

How Did You Meet Your Inlaws For The First Time?

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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I'm curious if anyone has had what I may be about to face.

Sitch: Flying to a town I've never been to before, meeting the entire family and then some in celebration of a member's academic achievements.
There are salacious details of our relationship that both of us would rather not discuss. Only thing is, I have a tendency to blurt things out when I get nervous. Alcohol is sure to be involved and the entire crowd is significantly older than I am. I'm to say the least, terrified.

Help calm my nerves sage masters and mistresses of Eden. I have about a month to get used to the idea of flying. I think I'll be taking it one breath at a time from there.
03/27/2011
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Contributor: Erotica Explorer Erotica Explorer
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I'm curious if anyone has had what I may be about to face.

Sitch: Flying to a town I've never been to before, meeting the entire family and then some in celebration of a member's academic achievements.
There are salacious ... more
Congratulations to the family member's completion of some level of schooling. : )

This isn't what you're facing, but will perhaps make you feel better nonetheless:

I first met my [ex]mother-in-law, when my ex-wife invited her to stay in our 500 square foot apartment ... for the entire summer. I was taking 2 classes that summer, FIFA World Cup was on ... I wasn't even told that she had invited anyone over.

Needless to say, it came as a very unpleasant surprise to me when my non-English-speaking mother-in-law shows up with all sorts of bags.

The topper? When she slept with my wife on our wedding night.

So, your experience will be better than this. It pretty much must be.
03/27/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Erotica Explorer
Congratulations to the family member's completion of some level of schooling. : )

This isn't what you're facing, but will perhaps make you feel better nonetheless:

I first met my [ex]mother-in-law, when my ex-wife invited ... more
Oof, that's rough. Still, it sounds much better than what I'm facing. I've never met nor talked to these people. I don't fly. I've never been given the 5 star treatment...it's all going to be completely new and some part of me feels completely out of place.
03/27/2011
Contributor: mandiegk mandiegk
They aren't my inlaws yet (soon though) , but I met them the day after a 9 hour flight. There was definitely a lot of alcohol involved because it was New Years Eve. I didn't even know I was going to meet them - it was a surprise. The good new is that it turned out well for me and you will be fine. The people you are about to meet want to like you. They should already think you are great so it will take a lot of effort to mess this up.
03/27/2011
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I'm curious if anyone has had what I may be about to face.

Sitch: Flying to a town I've never been to before, meeting the entire family and then some in celebration of a member's academic achievements.
There are salacious ... more
I have not met my in laws yet, but I know it will be a stressful and terrifying thing. I would say that, rule one, don't drink. That way, you are completely in control of your brain and body.

I would also discuss with your partner what details you want and don't want to share, in detail. Also, discuss with your partner what his more immediate family members (parents, siblings, perhaps grandparents) are like and maybe a topic or two which you can easily converse with them (i.e. brother Harry loves to garden, and mother Mabel is a schoolteacher). This way, you always have something to talk about.

Good luck! Don't be nervous. Meeting in laws is stressful for everyone.
03/27/2011
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
We took a road trip out to visit them for a few days. It was nice!
03/28/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I met mine back when I was in high school and it wasn't a weird thing to be meeting the parents, since if you were hanging out at somebody's place, parents were very likely to be there. I know, I'm lame, lol.

But, I would second the suggestion of not drinking, especially if you have a tendency to blurt things out when you're nervous. You're gonna do just fine
03/28/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Annemarie
I have not met my in laws yet, but I know it will be a stressful and terrifying thing. I would say that, rule one, don't drink. That way, you are completely in control of your brain and body.

I would also discuss with your partner what ... more
I agree 100%. Don't drink and simply do not talk about your sex life in ANY way.

I've known my MIL for over 20 years, and I've never breathed a word about our sex life to her. It's not like she needs to know, nor do I need to share much with her.
03/28/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I appreciate the comments on not drinking, unfortunately this is no way acceptable and is a sure fire way to get me ousted immediately. Heavy, heavy drinkers. I guess the benefit there is no one will remember if I said something stupid.

My guy and I have been together for a very long time (over a decade) it just never worked out that I was able to meet the family. If they traveled here, I had an obligation with my own family. If he went up there, I had just started a new job and was unable to take time off. I've talked to one of his sisters but not the other and we basically kept it from his mother for fear she'd have a fit over the age difference.

I guess I'll just suck it up and sneak glasses of water between drinks. Save my soul for I know not what I get myself into. *chuckle*
03/28/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I appreciate the comments on not drinking, unfortunately this is no way acceptable and is a sure fire way to get me ousted immediately. Heavy, heavy drinkers. I guess the benefit there is no one will remember if I said something ... more
I have to disagree. Be your own person.

I NEVER drink. With the exception of a half a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, I NEVER ever imbibe alcohol.

Why would they want you to drink to excess? Just say no. (I can't believe I said that.) It's YOUR body and YOU have the right to decide what goes into it. What kind of people would "oust" you if you don't poison your body with alcohol? I don't get that.

My Man comes from a family of alcoholics. I said "screw 'em" at the first gathering I went to with them. They tried to get me to drink and I just used the "broken record" method. "No thank you. I don't drink." I got "What are ya, betterin us? Have a drink!" Fuck em. I refused to compromise my principles for these people. It's MY body and I decide what goes into it. And, for me, alcohol doesn't go into my body.

If worse comes to worse you can always use the "I'm on some medication which will react badly with alcohol." They can't argue with that.

If you really DON'T want to drink, you will find a way not to. I never drink and I've found a way NOT to drink around everyone from party crazy teens to elderly family alcoholics. You CAN say no.
03/28/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I have to disagree. Be your own person.



I NEVER drink. With the exception of a half a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, I NEVER ever imbibe alcohol.



Why would they want you to drink to excess? Just say no. (I ... more
I drink all of the time. I'm just never with anyone except for him (by choice, I'm not really a social creature by nature).



I just don't want to say anything stupid. lulz I'm pretty much the most awkward person you've ever met when it comes to outside socialization. I know what I can get away with when it comes to my husband and my family but I've never really interacted with people who are as close-knit as they all are. Loud, intense, Italian brood. With an enormous amount of money.

They didn't like his first wife because she was of the same religious denomination as I am and she stole all of his money. They didn't like the second one because they thought she was just looking for a father for her kid. And now here I am of the same background, without a kid, no job, no education and I just feel...like an outsider.

I'm basically trying to just calm my nerves and tell myself it will all be ok but I don't know what is appropriate or not and we've talked about what we want to reveal but there are going to be times where he isn't around during this visit. Ultimately, I don't want to embarrass him. Sad, right?

If I'm good enough for him, I should be good enough for the fam.
03/28/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I drink all of the time. I'm just never with anyone except for him (by choice, I'm not really a social creature by nature).







I just don't want to say anything stupid. lulz I'm pretty much the most awkward ... more
But, you should still say no, if you think things might not go well if you do drink.



Even after marrying a heavy drinker, I don't get drinking "culture" or the forms of seemingly "pressure" some people put on others to drink. I do what I want, when I want, and I don't let people intimidate me.



By all means, if you feel it would be better to not be impaired by alcohol, don't let these people intimidate you. GOOD, honest, ethical people will respect your right to be your own person and make up your own mind as to what goes into your body.





You are marrying him, why do you care what they think so much? It appears they WILL find fault in anyone who marries him,(as per their nothing but negative feelings about his exes) so you may as well do what YOU think is best.



Like you said, you are good enough for him. That should be enough.

I'm not sure what you mean by "deciding what you will reveal." I have inlaws, WHY "reveal" anything that isn't obvious? I mean, if you live together, then they are going to find that out. So? Anything not readily obvious doesn't need "revealing." Is this why you are stressing? Why tell them anything? I don't get it.

But when it comes to sexual stuff, I'd have my toenails removed forcibly before I'd tell my inlaws OR my own family ANYTHING about our sex life. Why would you do that? And what types of things need to be "revealed." I'm really confused. Is he so dependent on them that he needs to tell all? I am guessing he's a grown ass man and doesn't need, nor want to do that.

Tell nothing except that you are in love. Why say anything else?

I'm really confused by these posts. And by your situation. You are an adult. Why stress about this? Don't say ANYTHING that anyone can use against you, (just like in court.) Tell only that you are in love and why say anything more. What would need to be "revealed?"
03/28/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Well, I can't relate so much because my partner and I have both lived in a small town and both of us have lived on the same mountain for our entire lives. But, I have serious anxiety so I think I could help some. As hard as it'll be, the best thing to do is not to keep going over everythign that could go wrong in your head. Chances are those things won't even happen. For my anxiety, I have to do whatever it takes to not think about something big I'm about to face until I'm a second away from it. Of coursse I'll go over the important details like things that I do need to know, but then I pray about it and leave it totally up to God and have faith that it'll work out as I prayed.

If you need to, it's ok to go to great measures to relax. Whatever relaxes you, spa, pedicure, etc. do it. It's a month away? Probably best to keep distracted that way you won't stress the entire month long. Just leave all the thinking for the flight.
05/11/2011