How Long Til You Move On?

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~LaUr3n~

I met someone the other day that set a time limit on herself. Basically, this girl dated a guy for 6 years. They were high school sweet hearts and broke up a few months ago. When I told her I knew a guy I thought would be perfect for her, she turned me down saying she wasn't going to date til it had been a year, even though her and the ex have no future.

Would you ever do this? Would you ever set a limit like this?

For me, even after my longest relationship, I figured I wasted enough years of my life with the last loser, why wait to find a much better person and be happy? I am so glad I did. I did set a time frame for myself for sex, but not for dating and considering new people. I started officially dating a guy two months after.

I feel like this girl is missing out! Not limiting myself is the best thing I could have done. I was happy so much quicker than I though I'd be. Happier than I had been even.

What do you think? What makes this a good choice or a bad choice? Have you done it and regretted it? Wish you had? jumped in too quick? Etc.

Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):

I have or have had a set time waiting to move on

Tori Rebel , GravyCakes , poetprincess , Jobthingy , JRabbits , Eucaly

I would never limit myself

Crystal1 , - Kira - , P'Gell , eggiweg , amandaco2011 , SilverIsis , Just Tigger , ToyTimeTim , froggiemoma , Beck , darthkitt3n , Coralbell , Starkiller87 , Anya , aliceinthehole , kokopelli , Darling Jen , DeliciousDrip , Peggi , ~LaUr3n~ , LilLostLenore , lovemuscle n cookie , Liz2 , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , married with children , JessCee , Jon S , LM , Lummox , IslandGoddess , onehotmomma , TheSlyFox , sausagelover , T E S K I ℉ , LavenderSkies , null , -BillD , Cherrylane , Tessa Taboo , MidnightStorm , mistressg , Miss Naughty Kitty , pixxie87 , ily , Apirka , LovesAPoet , Swish , Zombirella , LittleBird , leelee , freda , Harpina is gone , inmytoybox , ViVix , hem , gorgeous , potstickers , Stinkytofu10

I don't actively look, but don't turn people down either

js250 , aliceinthehole , DeliciousDrip , Peggi , ~LaUr3n~ , Liz2 , JessCee , fifi , onehotmomma , TheSlyFox , badk1tty , mandiegk , Cherrylane , MidnightStorm , sweetcaroline , Miss Naughty Kitty , Apirka , LovesAPoet , Stagger13 , hem , RememberMe

I've never waited longer than a few months

aliceinthehole , ~LaUr3n~ , Liz2 , Valentinka , Swish , Lizzy , Harpina is gone

I always wait longer than a few months (on purpose)

Yoda , Gunsmoke , Shellz31 , Noelle , SadoMas

I would do this only if...

domsub1993 , PussyPurr , mistressg

Total votes: 100 (80 voters)

Poll is closed

10/18/2011

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Crystal1

I don't think I could set a certain time limit, there are some things you just can't schedule. I've gotten over serious, long term relationships in a few months, but also been totally hung up on someone I never even technically dated for over a year. There are just too many variables to say "Okay, I'm going to mourn the relationship for X number of months and then move on."

10/18/2011

js250

I never set a time on it, you don't know how much time you have or need. I always went on with my life and relationships happened in their own time. The shortest period between relationships was 1 day, (one time only). The longest was about a year and a half. I was happy, single or dating.

10/18/2011

- Kira -

I dated a guy for about a year that I thought I was in love with. He was emotionally abuse, cheated on me, and broke my heart. When we broke up I dated someone new a few months after even though I really wasn't over him. I figured the best way to start to get over him was to move on with my life. It ended up not working out with the next guy. We weren't a good fit together. I think dating other guys helped me to not sit around and mope about the previous relationship and how hurt I was. It took me about a year to really get over that bad relationship but I did date during that time. I wouldn't set a limit on "I won't date for X period."

In another circumstance, when I was younger I broke up with one of my first boyfriends and said I wouldn't date until I figured out what I was looking for in a guy. That didn't work out because I because so desperate for sex I ended up dating whatever loser I could find after about eight months.

So, yeah, I don't know that time limits work out so so well.

10/18/2011

P'Gell

I think your freind, Lauren, most likely has good reasons to wait before dating again. Some people can only think of the one they lost and dating is painful for them. These people, or other people in some circumstances, feel that they are too depressed to be good company to someone who, at a later date, may be a good match.

I never consciously waited after breaking up with a guy, nor did I wait when My Man and I decided on a Open Relationship (even though it wasn't originally my idea, and at first I was hurt. It turned out to be the best thing for us, so we could eventually move into a monogamous relationship) I dated immediately. But, I'm not a sentimental person, so I tend to move on quickly.

I understand that not everyone has my feeling and my take on things, so they need to do things differently.

I have, however, dated guys who were way TOO soon out of an old relationship to date. Nothing worse than going on a date when the guy does nothing but either talk about or diss his old girlfriend. BORING. Not to mention disrespectful to the woman he is with at the time. NO ONE you date wants to hear about the person you just broke up with. Maybe your friend feels it would be either too painful to date or she wouldn't be able to be a good companion to the man she is dating right now.

For her, it's the right choice.

10/18/2011

Tori Rebel

I gave myself a time limit when I ended my marriage because I felt I needed some time to recover and rediscover myself before I could really know what I wanted and so that I had established a life of my very own. I had to start almost my whole life over at that point so I needed to be devoted to that and really just adjust to all the differences. I gave it three months and met the next guy at 3 months and 2 days.

I then spent almost two and a half years with him which ended fairly recently once and for all, but things were rocky and on/off for about 6 months. However since his presence is the only thing that has changed in my life, I gave myself no time limit. I knew it was ending for a while and took a couple weeks to spoil myself and am now out and casually looking. I'm not actively seeking a anything super serious right away or going out every night but I am going out and meeting new people and being social when I want to and kind of putting my feelers out through friends, etc. I still care for him in some ways but there's no hope for that relationship and I still have a life I want to enjoy with someone!

I would have to say, based on my own experiences, it really depends where you are in life and what kind of relationship you're coming out of.

10/18/2011

Jul!a

I've never really set a time limit for myself, and I ended up back with my husband just a few months after my previous relationship had ended and I'm very happy that I didn't wait.

There are times that I would advise waiting on getting into anything serious, and those are times like when my best friend finally got out of a 5 year relationship where the guy was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I'm pretty sure physically as well. She had spent so much time being "her and him" that she had no idea who "she" was anymore and I encouraged her to figure that out before getting into a relationship with a guy who was expecting "her" and instead ended up with "what her ex created." She always sucks at listening to advice, but I love her anyway.

I see nothing wrong with somebody setting a time limit for themselves to help themselves recover. I know that sometimes getting back out and dating again is what helps, but there's nothing wrong with getting to love yourself again before trying to love somebody else either.

10/18/2011

froggiemoma

Wouldn't set a time limit, would just have to feel things out and jump back out there when I was ready.

10/18/2011

Lucky21

Man, do I wish that there was an "Other" on this one. I was with someone for almost 7 years and then we went our separate ways, and I thought about being single for at least a year. Well, 5 months later, I started dating my now fiancee, and though sometimes looking back on it, I wish I had a little more single time, I really love her and am super happy to be with her and am glad that I didn't just shoot it down. Doesn't mean that some people really need to find there space, but I think you have to make sure that you are in the best place possible for yourself.

10/18/2011

Crystal1

I was thinking a little more about this and thought of a situation where a time limit would actually be a good idea. Some people seem to spend their whole lives in relationships, so if it was the type of break-up where she realized she hadn't been single since she was 16 and didn't really know who she was outside of a relationship, I can totally see setting a "I'm not dating for a year" type of limit.

10/18/2011

Beck

I would never set a limit like that. I would think that there is a possibility that due to limiting myself passing up the right one.

10/18/2011

Yoda

This is pretty common. I've known several people who have done this. Personally, I couldn't do it. But I admire those that do. Sometimes, people recognize that they keep making the same mistakes, and that they need to take a long break to get their crap together. It takes a mature person to do this.

10/18/2011

Gunsmoke

I have a bifurcated response. When I was dating my response would be; "I don't actively look, but don't turn people down either"

However when I went through a divorce, I specifically committed to avoid any new relationship for at least 1 year after our formal separation.

10/18/2011

Starkiller87

I don't know about a year. I say just enough time to get over the heartache. It probably wouldn't be to healthy to wait that long and dwell on the past relationship. I think it would all depend on the person I met.

10/18/2011

Ansley

I have not been single since I was fifteen years old. I don't believe in setting time limits for anything, let alone relationships. If I did that, I wouldn't be with my husband today.

10/18/2011

GravyCakes

i won't date for 2 months after a break up. i'm usually to upset the first 2 or so weeks to want to date anyone else. but i mostly wait 2 months b/c i just want some time to myself to readjust & focus on other things in my life for a little while. i also want to be sure that i don't just jump back into the dating scene right after a break up for fear of a rebound. i don't like to rebound.

10/18/2011

poetprincess

Quote:

Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~

unfortunately I still feel like im wasting my time with my guy, But I promised him we would try to work it out and if things were not going the way they should be by March, that's our 4 year anniversary then we say our goodbyes and call it quits,. I am pretty sure its going to be that way anyway. so I'm not planning on much these days..

10/19/2011

indiglo

I never set an actual time limit, no, but I definitely never wanted to just jump right back into things. Each person is different, and each relationship is different, but I think taking time to figure out what went wrong, why it went wrong, what my part in it was and how to avoid that pitfall in the future was always important. I don't personally like the idea of looking at it as "wasting time" on a person, because almost certainly something was learned in the experience that will benefit you in the future.

10/19/2011

~LaUr3n~

Quote:

Originally posted by Crystal1

That is an interesting point. My first serious relationship took me almost two years to get over and I was already dating someone else. But the second long relationship was 4 times as long and took me only 2 months to get over. Then a third guy who I only dated for a month sort of has a lingering effect on me since the situation has a lot of what ifs.

10/19/2011

~LaUr3n~

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

I don't know her that well, so I wish I could say more.

10/19/2011

~LaUr3n~

Quote:

Originally posted by Crystal1

LOL me. That's why I went abstinent for some time. Sex increases emotions for me so I didn't want my already foggy head even more fucked up. I have only been single 2 months max time since H.S. Maybe 3-4 months total.

10/19/2011

~LaUr3n~

Quote:

Originally posted by poetprincess

This is a whole different time frame. A new poll might need to be started about this one lol.

10/19/2011

Shellz31

I don't actually set a time frame on when I'd date again - I just go with it and when the time is right, it's right.
But it takes me awhile to get over an ex. Not because I think anything will happen again there (once a relationship is over, I won't go back to that person - I move on), but cause it takes me awhile to get them fully out of my system. I feel the new partner deserves someone who is totally clear of any past relationship feelings or baggage.
I can't give someone new my all if my feelings are still with the ex.

10/20/2011

domsub1993

...I would only set a time limit if it was much shorter than a year and if I had been with the guy for a very long time. You need time to get over a 6-year relationship before jumping into another one.

10/20/2011

married with children

I dont think it is so much a time limit, you should just know that there is no future in the relationship. Or not the future you are looking for.

10/20/2011

Jobthingy

I always set a year before I get back in the scene. I have a default friend with benefits I can call for my needs. But I am a firm believer that when you are in a long term relationship and you split, you need time to heal, go through the motions, re-find yourself. Too many people jump from one person to the next and lose all knowledge of who they are - as an individual (as opposed to so-and-so's girlfriend/boyfriend/w ife/husband/whatever.) . It has nothing to do with possible reconciliation, mourning, or anything like that. It is about getting back to who you are.

10/20/2011

JRabbits

Back in 2007 after yet another failed / abusive relationship I decided to call it quits period with the whole dating and sex thing. Sometimes I consider getting back into the dating field because of something a friend tells me but it's just best not to even get back into the whole dating mess. But even if I don't date again I will have sex again, eventually. I'm not really worried about it though.

10/21/2011

vanillaSpice

I guess I'd be "other" since I've only got one ex, and there was no time in between since my current SO had also been dating him... he dumped her, I realized he was a jerk, and I ended up staying with her instead.

10/22/2011

Eucaly

There are plenty of people who feel as if they'd end up in an uncomfortable rebound relationship if they didn't set a limit. There's no particular reason to push it if you don't want to.

10/22/2011

fifi

Quote:

Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~

I don't actively look for someone to date, but if I meet someone I feel would be a good match, I try to stay open to the possibility

10/23/2011

Total posts: 54 Unique posters: 46

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