This right here! You need him to listen. And if he won't listen hold out until he will listen.

If I may add a few more comments...

"Enough with the nipple crap."

If what he's doing is uncomfortable for you, then his technique must be addressed and he needs to work until he gets it right. However, I don't know of a single man, or woman for that matter, who would be ok with a partner declaring her breasts off-limits.

"I don't know if this will make a difference..."

The only way it won't make a difference is if you let him continue with behavior that upsets you. Put your foot down.

"Um....did I mention when he cums he almost never can get an erection until the next day? Is that normal?"

Actually, yes. Despite what romance and erotica would have us believe, the refractory period can last anywhere from minutes (think male puberty) to days. And it usually gets longer as men get older.

That doesn't mean that you should go unsatisfied though. Even if your husband orgasms before you, he still has hands, a mouth, etc. He can also use toys with you. It sounds to me like he needs to be taught that sex isn't "finished" until you're BOTH satisfied.

I don't mean that my breasts are off limits. He can touch my breasts any time he likes. I even like them to be grabbed and slapped in a kinky manner. But my nipples themselves are very sensitive to the point of pain. I wish it felt good to have them sucked because then it would be great to have him suck them whenever. But it doesn't feel good. He can even go as far as licking my nipples, but to latch on and suck like a baby....no. I'm actually dreading breast-feeding when we have a baby, but I believe in its importance so I'll just have to grin and bear it. Or see if a pump is less uncomfortable.

So it's normal for men to be useless for penetration after orgasm...I'm sorry, I really didn't know. My first partner must have been an anomaly because he literally could go for an hour and then keep his erection afterwards. I think our record was 4 times in one session. Ok, little bit of reminiscing there.. I believe it's probably a skill they can learn, but I seriously doubt my husband would invest the time and effort to do so.

That's exactly what I told him--if he finishes before me he can use his fingers/tongue/toys... .LOTS of options. His response? Silence.

Yeah, I've done that a few times. Pretty much the only way to keep him from cumming way too fast is to stay completely still on top of him or just barely move and grind against the Mio (cock ring.) I think I will have to just accept that this is the only way I can be able to cum before him. After I cum, then we can switch to different positions and I can enjoy feeling submissive.

Thanks, I'll check out his book

This is good news I think. Teaching him that sucking on your nipples is not an option but other forms of breast-play are, opens up possibilities. You just have to explore together to find what works best for both of you.

Silence is unacceptable. He may be uncomfortable discussing sex, but he will need to get over that and address the problem like a grown man. If he's old enough to engage in it, he's old enough to sit down and discuss it with his life partner.

"I think I will have to just accept that this is the only way I can be able to cum before him."

No, no you don't. If you are unhappy and unfulfilled you don't have to "just accept" anything. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away. Address it as a couple, and if that goes nowhere, consider seeking out the expertise of a therapist.

Sounds like you've made a very positive step. Good news!

I can vouch for being totally drained after orgasm. I feel like every ounce of energy has been sucked out of me. I'm convinced it's a hormonal thing with guys. Our solution was to focus on her satisfaction first, and that has worked well for us.

Just a thought, have you explained and perhaps shown him that women are wired differently from men? Not all guys understand this, even if they've heard the words, it may not register until they see for themselves. Having him watch you (watch only - no touch!) masturbate may be exactly the way to get him to understand.

Not to mention drive him completely crazy!

Actually, if he's willing, tie him to a chair so the only thing he can do is watch. He won't be able to get his hands on any, uh, distractions until he's seen everything you want him to see. By then he'll be ready to explode!!

Hon, men are not "useless after orgasm." That just him being selfish. After orgasm, a man's hands, mouth and access to toys STILL work!

When My Man and I have sex, we usually make sure I come first (even if it takes an hour.) BUT, if I don't, he knows he needs step up after HE comes, start giving me head and using our toys so I can get where I'll be satisfied!

Sex isn't "over" because the man has an orgasm. He still has two good hands and his mouth, and he can help with toys. His saying he can't do anything because he can't have an erection again for 24 hours is silly, not to mention childish and immature. He CAN do a lot. Maybe not get an other erection (although some men can, my husband can sometimes get two erections in one session and he's in his 50s) but he CAN do other things so you will be satisfied.

If he's not willing to do that..... ?????

As for breastfeeding, it feels NOTHING like a horny man going to town on your nipples. When you have a child you KNOW it's for the best of the child to breastfeed directly from the breast (pumping alone rarely ever works, the breasts don't respond to 100% pumping, most women NEED the baby nursing to keep a milk supply.) Also, it feels TOTALLY different than a man's sexual behavior.

Don't give up on the best thing you can do for your baby in the early years because your husband is forcing you to endure a sexual attack you don't want. The two things have NOTHING in common. I guarantee it. I've worked with hundreds of women who don't like nipple stim during sex, who have perfectly workable breastfeeding situations.

There's a different between a man who wants something that you hate to do, and a baby who needs something that feels totally different. Don't compare the two.

But, you do need to talk to that husband of yours, less selfishness on his part is in order. He won't change on his own. Why should he? He needs to know you are serious about the FACT that YOUR sexual pleasure is just as important than his.

It saddens me that guilt puts women in situations like this. Sex is GOOD. A piece of paper and somebody saying words over you don't guarantee sex will be good, especially if you didn't "test the waters" first. You are right, a marriage with bad sex is not going to be satisfying. WHY put up with that because of what? I don't even know.

It's frustrating the hell out of me, Bgirl. (I refuse to call you by his name, sweetie, I want to talk to you, not him.) Because I KNOW you're a good person. Don't let guilt get the better of you. It doesn't matter who has sex with who or under what name. Guilt is just something some people use to try to control women's sexuality and it's used because those who enforce it are scared to death of the power of a sexually strong woman! So, they tell her bullshit, like it's "wrong" to make love to someone you love, then women get married quickly, thinking "at least the guilt will be gone" then they are beset with a who new set of WORSE problems. Right?

When someone loves you, they listen. Don't take your sex life only partly satisfying. If he choose to he could act better, WHY does he choose to be so uncaring of what you NEED? Why do you think he isn't listening? Does he think you don't have a choice? If he does, why does he think this way? Why is his choice to act as if only HIS sexuality matters? WHY does he think this way? (I can't answer that, but you may be able to.)

Honey, girl, you need to take some charge. You need to put your foot down, and unless you want to yearn and be unhappy the rest of your life you may need to do more than that.

I care about you, and I continue to be worried about you. PLEASE, do what you can to help the relationship, but YOU can only do so much. If he refuses to listen or simply doesn't care enough to listen to what you NEED in bed, why does he do this?

I know how you feel. My man is always done before me and rushing right into it. I like foreplay