Initiating sex

Initiating sex

Tech88 Tech88
Ok, I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a great sex life, but I struggle badly with getting up the nerve to initiate anything. He has brought it up a time or two. I know ways to do it just can't calm my nerves enough to go for it! HELP!!
08/25/2016
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MrClark MrClark
My partner's personality is more on the submissive side and she hasn't really initiated sex; however, there are times when I go to kiss her goodnight and she holds me extra aggressively where it's apparent she's in the mood.

I keep hoping that she'll go a step farther and reach her hand down to cup me or begin stroking me with her hand inside my boxers as we make out. I think it would also be fun if she just grabbed my hand and lead me back to the bedroom. I think in both cases would be extremely easy for me to get the hint and then I could take the lead, since that's more comfortable for her.

Not sure if that helps, good luck!!
08/27/2016
mfmtrios mfmtrios
Quote:
Originally posted by Tech88
Ok, I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a great sex life, but I struggle badly with getting up the nerve to initiate anything. He has brought it up a time or two. I know ways to do it just can't calm my nerves enough to go for it! ...
It sounds like you are having sex already. What are you trying to initiate? Something new? Or to have sex in general? Maybe his libido is not strong? Intimacy is more than sex; it is good communication. Maybe you and he need to bond more in other ways
08/28/2016
Tech88 Tech88
Quote:
Originally posted by mfmtrios
It sounds like you are having sex already. What are you trying to initiate? Something new? Or to have sex in general? Maybe his libido is not strong? Intimacy is more than sex; it is good communication. Maybe you and he need to bond more in other ...
No he is always the one that initiates sex. Is what I mean
08/29/2016
Inquisitor Inquisitor
You have been together for 5 years. By now there must be something you do that makes him want to bend you over something. This is a 2 way street. It might be something subtle like the way you walk, accent (if you have one), if you can't reach something and need his help, etc... or perhaps something more overt like your choice of clothing you wear like lingerie or a certain cute dress, pants, shirt, shoes, t-shirt etc.

It might even be your behavior. Perhaps there have been instances when you've been exceptionally brave, you've wielded power in a way he found arousing, you could be a generally nice person or stone cold no nonsense chew you up and spit you out bitch.

If you wanted to, you could even plan a trip to an adult shop and do some shopping. You don't have to pick up anything expensive but at least pick up a lube sample if available and tell him you want to try it out.

Hell, if you're feeling exceptionally bold one day, you could simply just start touching, massaging or fondling your partner's junk. It is really up to you.

Finally, Mfmtrios' advise is dead on. The easiest and cheapest way is to simply verbally communicate your wants and desires to your partner, but if you can't or simply aren't willing to do that, in 2016 there are a number of ways to accomplish this. Remember, you can always whisper "I want you to...(sexually gratify me)" in his ear. Feel free to switch up the wording to something of your liking.

I could be wrong about this but, judging from your initial question, it seems that you are a shy person. If you can't or are unable to verbalize your desires in person, try sending a text message or an email. Personally, if you go that route, I'd keep it on the vague side. Here's why, should you phone or email get hacked, no one will immediately know what your plans are.

You can also leave him a sticky note or regular note in some place he looks on a regular basis. Leave some vague details on the note like date, time, place and tell him to clear his schedule for that period of time.
08/29/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
T88, Some people's culture and upbringing discourage females from initiating sex. And some gals don't want to seem too (you know what). Mine was like that. I was always the one to make the first move. Now, after many yrs later, she is no longer afraid to. Although not enough to my liking.

There's nothing wrong with that as long as both of you are happy. Now if he is complaining, I guess maybe you should do some toying or masturbation in front of him to give him a hint. That is initialing in my book.

Or just grab his (you know what)
08/29/2016
sigian sigian
My wife and I still play the ole, I couldn't tell if you are in the mood or not game, a lot of the time still. Though we just started our youngest into school this year so there is more stress relief now and hopefully that will change. She has her moments of telling me to strip and assume the position, if you have to ask then you aren't ready yet lol. Oh how she loves it rough, and I'm not just talking about how she enjoys it receiving.
09/04/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by sigian
My wife and I still play the ole, I couldn't tell if you are in the mood or not game, a lot of the time still. Though we just started our youngest into school this year so there is more stress relief now and hopefully that will change. She has ...
Borrowing TheToyGuy's line, "Details, details please "

09/07/2016
sigian sigian
You asked! You are not worthy! Lol kidding, hmm not sure how much I am willing to admit yet, guess some personal details are harder to share than others. Though I guess if you see some of my reviews, I don't hold back too much.

Too bad Edenfantasys don't sell erotic books yet, I started writing a bit here and there, have two self published under a pen name.

For a little tidbit I guess, I enjoy both roles, but prefer to be submissive. I guess its the headspace it gives one, as you usually have zero control over what is happening so it gives you the ability to let go completely and assume the role you are told to by your partner. My wife isn't a hardcore whip me, beat me, peg me type Dom, yet, lol. But she is getting more into it as we go along, she does enjoy it rough as well so thats something I can't deny her. She truly loves being bent over, hair grabbed, ass smacked and fucked hard.

That good enough on details for now? ??
09/11/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by sigian
You asked! You are not worthy! Lol kidding, hmm not sure how much I am willing to admit yet, guess some personal details are harder to share than others. Though I guess if you see some of my reviews, I don't hold back too much.

Too bad ...
The more the merrier I say. Reading is good erotica.

And here's a for TTG

Hopefully since she gets pleasured, one day will repay you. When she finds out how much you enjoy it she will do more. You may have to give hints and hints and hints.

From reading your reviews, she should know what you like by now. Maybe you should set up what toys you would like her to use on her. Maybe her seeing them will give her the hint.
09/11/2016
CaliGirl CaliGirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Tech88
Ok, I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a great sex life, but I struggle badly with getting up the nerve to initiate anything. He has brought it up a time or two. I know ways to do it just can't calm my nerves enough to go for it! ...
SAME! I am extremely submissive and just can't do it. It sucks but it is just how I am. I feel your pain.
09/13/2016
poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by Tech88
Ok, I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a great sex life, but I struggle badly with getting up the nerve to initiate anything. He has brought it up a time or two. I know ways to do it just can't calm my nerves enough to go for it! ...
I love initiating sex, all I do is start kissing and then let my mouth and hands do the rest/..
12/31/2016
Total posts: 12
Unique posters: 8