There are many types of therapy, but I think deep down inside you know what you want, you're just looking for permission to do it.

And you most certainly have mine! I went against the grain in every conceivable fashion when it came to my relationship and I am better off for it. But, my decisions were not your decisions and it's those tiny little details that make all the difference.

It's pretty easy to fall into one camp or another - leave him and try something new with someone else, or stay and try to grow the relationship, and the third option which is stay and do nothing and be miserable.

I'm just going by what you've put out there for all of us and I don't mean to be harsh but more often than not it sounds like you're unhappy.

But she also indicates that he barely seems to listen to her when she talks to him and they don't have deep, cerebral conversations, which are important to her. I think having a certain "spark" in a relationship is about more than just sexual chemistry--there needs to be an intellectual and emotional bond as well, but they are all tied into each other. If one is out of sync, it can throw the other ones off balance.

Bayosgirl, I wonder about the age difference, and the reason I say that is because you refer to him as a father figure and an adviser who has helped you grow and mature yourself. That's all well and good, and I'm certainly not down on relationships with age disparities since I go for older men myself, and my current SO is ten years my senior. But maybe part of the problem in feeling that disconnect with him stems from a sense of an imbalance of power between the two of you. Maybe you don't want a father figure for a husband anymore, but someone you can be on equal footing with. And perhaps those deep, cerebral conversations you wish you could have with him aren't happening because the dynamic of the relationship is that he's the wise, mature one who is taking care of you, and you are the younger, less experienced one who "needs" his guidance. I'm not saying that that is necessarily true, but it seems to be the mode that your relationship has functioned on for some time.

I would encourage you to go back to therapy and try a different therapist. Sometimes you have to shop around until you find someone who can help you. Also, what is your communication with your husband like? I'm new here, so I apologize if you've been over this already, but do you talk to him about this? Does he know how you feel? Communication is absolutely key in a healthy, functioning relationship. And if he doesn't see the problem, that doesn't mean there isn't one. If one of you is unhappy with something in the relationship, then it's both your problems and he needs to be willing to help the relationship get back on track. You talk as though it's all your responsibility to make the relationship work, and because you're the one with doubts, it's up to you to work it out. You can only work through your own issues as an individual, but you cannot be expected to "fix" the relationship that you are in with him. Relationships take two people to make it work, and while you can't change him as a person, the two of you can change the dynamics of your relationship--that will take BOTH of you, though. That's why it's important that you communicate with each other...

I wish you the best, in any case, and hope you figure it out. I was in a relationship for eight long years with someone that I was no longer in love with, but felt I "loved." But the spark wasn't there, and we were both dreadfully unhappy. I also looked up to him and assumed him to be wiser and more capable than I was, which just made me dependent upon him. It sounds like you're going through something similar, although it's even more complicated because you two are married. Sometimes things can be worked out once both people in the relationship are working on it together, but sometimes relationships run their course...and it's better to end them once they're over, instead of living with a ghost.