What do you do if you and your significant other make plans to do something and they go and do it with other people? How do you feel when that happens? How often does it happen? It happens quite often with me and I just get so frustrated, I don't know what to do besides telling him how it bothers me but that does nothing to fix the issue.
Making plans that fall through
07/17/2013
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This may not mean much to anyone but me, as it's just been my experience but guys don't like to plan (I say guys because I'm a cisfemale in a hetero relationship) so if an opportunity comes up to do something they want to do, the instant gratification area of the "rewards" part of the brain lights up and off they go. It sucks, but it's nothing to really hold a grudge over unless it's something huge like going to see your favorite band or a theme park or something that really takes actual planning to make happen. Going to see a movie, or eat at the restaurant you two talked about? Nothing to get really bent out of shape over.
07/17/2013
Sometimes it happens. I'll say I want to see this movie, and then he'll watch it with buddies. Idk, it's not a huge deal to me, because it doesn't take away from my ability to do it with him. It would be different if we actually set a date, and then he "backed out" of it and instead went with friends... like if we made dinner reservations, he claimed he didn't want to go anymore, and then I found out he actually went with somebody else? That's not so OK to me but that's lying.
The only thing that I can think of that happens like this is plans to go to the gym. I love working out with him (because of the post-workout fun...) but usually he'll be like, "Oh yeah, let's go this friday" and then Friday rolls around and instead he is going to go climbing with his friends or something else. It's kinda meh because I know he likes climbing and it's an activity he's always done with his buddies.
Usually when you make tentative plans like, "Oh we should do this sometime...' but don't make any PLAN-plans, your SO probably isn't going to think "must save this for a date alone." If it gets brought up again with somebody else and they make real PLAN-plans (like time and date specific plans) they're gonna go for it.
The only thing that I can think of that happens like this is plans to go to the gym. I love working out with him (because of the post-workout fun...) but usually he'll be like, "Oh yeah, let's go this friday" and then Friday rolls around and instead he is going to go climbing with his friends or something else. It's kinda meh because I know he likes climbing and it's an activity he's always done with his buddies.
Usually when you make tentative plans like, "Oh we should do this sometime...' but don't make any PLAN-plans, your SO probably isn't going to think "must save this for a date alone." If it gets brought up again with somebody else and they make real PLAN-plans (like time and date specific plans) they're gonna go for it.
07/19/2013
My fiance did that once, and only once.
He took a pole class, without me, and the teacher happened to be a girl a absolutely HATE.
So I asked him, "How would you feel if I got tickets to an Aerosmith concert and took my EX BOYFRIEND?"
He not only paid for my first pole class at a different studio, but he has never, ever, done that again.
He took a pole class, without me, and the teacher happened to be a girl a absolutely HATE.
So I asked him, "How would you feel if I got tickets to an Aerosmith concert and took my EX BOYFRIEND?"
He not only paid for my first pole class at a different studio, but he has never, ever, done that again.
07/19/2013
Quote:
My partner has only done stuff like that a few times. Usually we make plans, then his parents step in and take him out, effectively ruining it for us. We try to find new things to do together instead.
Originally posted by
nova2014
What do you do if you and your significant other make plans to do something and they go and do it with other people? How do you feel when that happens? How often does it happen? It happens quite often with me and I just get so frustrated, I don't
...
more
What do you do if you and your significant other make plans to do something and they go and do it with other people? How do you feel when that happens? How often does it happen? It happens quite often with me and I just get so frustrated, I don't know what to do besides telling him how it bothers me but that does nothing to fix the issue.
less
07/19/2013
I learned pretty quickly not to plan too much when it comes to my current partner. There is this annoying tendency for him to have work issues come up when we have plans...like every freaking time lol. We haven't even had a day off together in over 6 months let alone even the tiniest bit of alone time due to work schedules since he switched jobs.
03/29/2014
I don't plan no more. The only things I plan is what time to get in the shower and that's just about it. We both just wing it every day, no sense in planning with us, one or the other will somehow dunce those plans!
03/30/2014
Quote:
I'd say it's the guys you have been exposed to. I'm an obsessive planner, but this may also come from years of training as I was a boy scout, outdoor leader, etc. When you go into the wilderness you need to adequately plan or you won't be prepared for weather, terrain, etc.
Originally posted by
Ansley
This may not mean much to anyone but me, as it's just been my experience but guys don't like to plan (I say guys because I'm a cisfemale in a hetero relationship) so if an opportunity comes up to do something they want to do, the instant
...
more
This may not mean much to anyone but me, as it's just been my experience but guys don't like to plan (I say guys because I'm a cisfemale in a hetero relationship) so if an opportunity comes up to do something they want to do, the instant gratification area of the "rewards" part of the brain lights up and off they go. It sucks, but it's nothing to really hold a grudge over unless it's something huge like going to see your favorite band or a theme park or something that really takes actual planning to make happen. Going to see a movie, or eat at the restaurant you two talked about? Nothing to get really bent out of shape over.
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I plan for traffic when driving somewhere, which usually results in me getting there excessively early. As an example I used public transit to get to the airport and factored in traffic, the bus breaking down, time to get on a second bus or call a cab, etc... so I would get to the airport 5 hours early.
I'm going backpacking in over a month and have already begun planning the gear needs, transport, food, etc for an overnight trip...
But anyway I would be upset if I had made plans w/ my SO and they ignore them and go out and do them with others instead. Especially if they didn't ask me first if it was okay or invite me to join them.
06/13/2016
Quote:
I always feel betrayed and let down. He knows a lot of party people because he used to be a party guy - definitely the wrong crowd - instead of taking responsibility for his family or even being with me. So I get very offended. He says he plans on never doing this again as he's gone through a bit of a life changing experience these past 4 months... However I will be on guard. Men can be so..... ugh... sometimes. I've gotten my heart broken more than once just because B doesnt get it at all.
Originally posted by
nova2014
What do you do if you and your significant other make plans to do something and they go and do it with other people? How do you feel when that happens? How often does it happen? It happens quite often with me and I just get so frustrated, I don't
...
more
What do you do if you and your significant other make plans to do something and they go and do it with other people? How do you feel when that happens? How often does it happen? It happens quite often with me and I just get so frustrated, I don't know what to do besides telling him how it bothers me but that does nothing to fix the issue.
less
09/27/2016
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 9