When a mundane chore becomes a daily battle, like who takes out the trash. Ex: his chore is to take out the trash, but he will go for days without doing it. What do you do?
mundane chores launching wwIII
06/23/2013
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I don't think being petty and passive aggressive is the way to go about it, it just builds resentment on both sides.
I haven't lived with a significant other before, but when I had a roommate and she wasn't doing any of the cleaning I just talked with her one day about why it was important to me to have a clean place and that it made me feel like she did not respect me when she wouldn't clean up her messes and that it actually hurt my feelings. After that she did a much better job about cleaning up after herself. If I had done something passive aggressive instead I don't think that would have happened.
Clear, honest, kind communication often goes very far with people
I haven't lived with a significant other before, but when I had a roommate and she wasn't doing any of the cleaning I just talked with her one day about why it was important to me to have a clean place and that it made me feel like she did not respect me when she wouldn't clean up her messes and that it actually hurt my feelings. After that she did a much better job about cleaning up after herself. If I had done something passive aggressive instead I don't think that would have happened.
Clear, honest, kind communication often goes very far with people
06/23/2013
I do a couple of different things, depending on the chore.
I will ask him if he would rather do a different chore (one of mine) and I can take over the garbage. If he says no, then I do suggest the trash getting taken out immediately so I have room to put the packaging for when I cook dinner. Otherwise dinner will have to wait due to the uncleanliness of a full trash can and such around my hands, sleeves, etc. while preparing food.
Long term--I do give him a very appreciative and sincere compliment when he does things without reminders, on a whim or just because. It makes him want more....then he does it without reminders. And I have noticed him giving it back sometimes.
I will ask him if he would rather do a different chore (one of mine) and I can take over the garbage. If he says no, then I do suggest the trash getting taken out immediately so I have room to put the packaging for when I cook dinner. Otherwise dinner will have to wait due to the uncleanliness of a full trash can and such around my hands, sleeves, etc. while preparing food.
Long term--I do give him a very appreciative and sincere compliment when he does things without reminders, on a whim or just because. It makes him want more....then he does it without reminders. And I have noticed him giving it back sometimes.
06/23/2013
I've always set the trash that needs to go out right by the door. He's the one that goes in and out, he's the one that takes the trash out, so it just makes sense. But, we've never argued over chores (I do all the household stuff, he does the outside stuff.)
06/24/2013
I really try hard to not retaliate by not doing something that is normally my job, even though I feel the urge.
I will usually make some little fun quip about it....in a playful way. If that doesn't work, I'll ask him to do it-- flat out. I might put it in his path to illustrate my point!
I will usually make some little fun quip about it....in a playful way. If that doesn't work, I'll ask him to do it-- flat out. I might put it in his path to illustrate my point!
06/24/2013
Quote:
I have to agree with this. It seems to work best without causing a fight.
Originally posted by
js250
I do a couple of different things, depending on the chore.
I will ask him if he would rather do a different chore (one of mine) and I can take over the garbage. If he says no, then I do suggest the trash getting taken out immediately so I have ... more
I will ask him if he would rather do a different chore (one of mine) and I can take over the garbage. If he says no, then I do suggest the trash getting taken out immediately so I have ... more
I do a couple of different things, depending on the chore.
I will ask him if he would rather do a different chore (one of mine) and I can take over the garbage. If he says no, then I do suggest the trash getting taken out immediately so I have room to put the packaging for when I cook dinner. Otherwise dinner will have to wait due to the uncleanliness of a full trash can and such around my hands, sleeves, etc. while preparing food.
Long term--I do give him a very appreciative and sincere compliment when he does things without reminders, on a whim or just because. It makes him want more....then he does it without reminders. And I have noticed him giving it back sometimes. less
I will ask him if he would rather do a different chore (one of mine) and I can take over the garbage. If he says no, then I do suggest the trash getting taken out immediately so I have room to put the packaging for when I cook dinner. Otherwise dinner will have to wait due to the uncleanliness of a full trash can and such around my hands, sleeves, etc. while preparing food.
Long term--I do give him a very appreciative and sincere compliment when he does things without reminders, on a whim or just because. It makes him want more....then he does it without reminders. And I have noticed him giving it back sometimes. less
06/24/2013
I try to negotiate or find out why she doesn't want to do the particular thing that keeps coming up. There does tend to be a better alternative
06/25/2013
Quote:
I agree. Passive-aggressive stunts doesn't help. It builds resentment and kills communication. It is always the better route to talk about it.
Originally posted by
Taylor
I don't think being petty and passive aggressive is the way to go about it, it just builds resentment on both sides.
I haven't lived with a significant other before, but when I had a roommate and she wasn't doing any of the ... more
I haven't lived with a significant other before, but when I had a roommate and she wasn't doing any of the ... more
I don't think being petty and passive aggressive is the way to go about it, it just builds resentment on both sides.
I haven't lived with a significant other before, but when I had a roommate and she wasn't doing any of the cleaning I just talked with her one day about why it was important to me to have a clean place and that it made me feel like she did not respect me when she wouldn't clean up her messes and that it actually hurt my feelings. After that she did a much better job about cleaning up after herself. If I had done something passive aggressive instead I don't think that would have happened.
Clear, honest, kind communication often goes very far with people less
I haven't lived with a significant other before, but when I had a roommate and she wasn't doing any of the cleaning I just talked with her one day about why it was important to me to have a clean place and that it made me feel like she did not respect me when she wouldn't clean up her messes and that it actually hurt my feelings. After that she did a much better job about cleaning up after herself. If I had done something passive aggressive instead I don't think that would have happened.
Clear, honest, kind communication often goes very far with people less
06/29/2013
I'd just tell him outright, I'd prefer if he did it without me reminding him but that's not gonna happen until I'm about ready to pull out my hair. He doesn't really respond well to passive aggressive things either so that's not really an option
07/17/2013
I just take it out myself *shrugs* I'm the one who cleans and he's at work 15 hours a day, nothing wrong with me doing it. If he does it then we all know I forgot to the day before. Then again I can't stand it when the trash is over full so I take it out when it gets full anyways. He's normally not home and I'm not having that smell linger about.
07/17/2013
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Unique posters: 10