Once a cheater always a cheater?

Once a cheater always a cheater?

LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Do you believe that everyone gets a second chance, or is that just under certain circumstances? Would you leave someone who cheated on you the first time? Where are the boundaries? Discuss!
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js250 js250
I would leave my husband if he cheated on me and the same for him. However, there are circumstances where once a cheater does not pertain..it depends on the situation and how it unfolded. My standard is you kiss em you might as well fuck em...
ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
Originally posted by LavenderSkies
Do you believe that everyone gets a second chance, or is that just under certain circumstances? Would you leave someone who cheated on you the first time? Where are the boundaries? Discuss!
I think it really depends and I only say that now after being the cheater. In my situation, I was with one guy and he was incredibly abusive. I stayed with him for way longer than I should've. Then one day, we broke up and both of us were willing to take the steps necessary to make it a real break up and not just one of our fighting break ups.

Awhile later, after he had already started seeing other people, I started seeing The Boyfriend. The ex did not like this one little bit and so making my life miserable became a daily thing. To keep from fighting or the drama that would ensue if I didn't say yes, I continued to have sex with him for 4 months while The Boyfriend and I started our relationship.

When I told The Boyfriend about it, he wasn't very upset and instead wasn't surprised at all. He took it in stride. The second I told him about it, things between the ex and I completely stopped - it wasn't like I "wanted" to do it anyways, I just really wanted to avoid a fight. And The Boyfriend understood that reasoning because he had seen the ex and I fight and he had stepped in multiple times on our fights. He was very understanding of the whole thing, which really shocked me.

But to this day, four years later, The Boyfriend and I are still happily together - more than happily. And the ex moved away, got sent to jail, got put on probation, breached probation and isn't doing very good and we don't see him except at Christmas.

I also think that it would depend on how you found out about it. If the person was honest and felt guilt about it and came to you essentially begging for forgiveness, I think that I would be more willing to give a second chance, than if say, I had stumbled across them cheating. I think, for me, my big issue would be getting over it and leaving it in the past where it should be and instead bringing it up in every single fight that we'd ever have.

Definitely an interesting conversation and no one can ever know what they'd do for sure until it happens.
WD40watcher WD40watcher
I can see if someone cheated once that they may not do it again, but if someone cheated on me the trust would take a long time to come back. I don't think it's worth all the worrying and wondering if that person is still cheating. Even if they haven't since that one time the burden it puts on the relationship is too much at times to progress.
Nazaress Nazaress
I think in most cases, once a cheater, always a cheater. I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating (to me, since some people don't consider flirting to be cheating) THREE TIMES and I forgave him each time. He swore the last time was really the last time and I didn't catch him again but there were definitely things that made me suspicious that it was still happening. Needless to say, that's one of the reasons he's an EX-boyfriend. Even when I wasn't catching him anymore, the trust was entirely gone and it was a huge strain on our relationship. I'd say that what ValerieRayne said is probably mostly right. If they come to YOU and tell you about the cheating and beg for your forgiveness, they may not cheat again. But if it's like in my case where they don't admit it until they're 100% caught red-handed (even when one of the girls admits it), then it's unlikely that they're going to stop cheating on you or maybe even anyone.
CollegeFun2014 CollegeFun2014
I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater is correct. I wouldn't necessarily break up with them depending on the situation but the trust would not be there for a long while and that would probably rip us apart.
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
No. Not true. Lots of theories about cheaters, and not in the mood to write the Great-Wall-o-Text.
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 7