Trying to save my relationship, advice would be helpful

Trying to save my relationship, advice would be helpful

amandaco2011 amandaco2011
A little background. I was raised without really any religion my mom was a single parent and there really wasn't time. I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year now. We re very compatible on many levels. He has recently in the last few months started to go to meetings and is getting more and more involved in his faith (Jehovah's Witness). The other night he texted me that he can no longer be in a relationship with me because I am not in the faith and that he knows now that we should not of had a sexual relationship out of marriage. I respect him for all this.
The question for me then becomes if I should give the faith a shot and see if its for me and maybe save our relationship.
10/04/2011
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Jul!a Jul!a
I think that if you think you would possibly be able to be happy in that faith, that you should give it a shot. But don't do it "just for him," you'll have to do it for yourself as well. You may find that you enjoy being of this religion and you two can have a happy relationship with both of you partaking. But you might also find that it's not for you and there's nothing wrong with that either.

Either way, I send you lots of and wish you all the best of luck!
10/04/2011
Ciao. Ciao.
I think Sam said what I was thinking pretty well. If the relationship means a lot to you then give the religion a shot and see if it is going to work for you. If it does great, if not then at least you won't end up with a lingering doubt about whether or not it could work.
10/04/2011
LaLaLouise LaLaLouise
I agree with the above two, it's worth a shot, but don't force yourself into a fake identity just for him. My boyfrien'd ex wife was a Jehovah's witness and it was a big part of why their marriage failed. She had walked away from her faith some time before, and during their relationship decided to go back. He was very supportive in her decision, but after a while she started acting like he was supposed to convert too just because she went back, and she would criticize him for it. He spent Christmas day at his parents' house and she texted him saying he should be ashamed of himself, that he should be home with his wife blah blah. So I'm not generalizing that all people of that faith would behave this way, but I do know that this particular religion is kind of judgmental about being in relationships with people who are not the same. So be open minded to it but prepare yourself for the possibility that it just isn't meant to be.
10/04/2011
Beck Beck
Wow, I am not sure what to say. Personally I have to agree with Sam do not try out a religion for anyone. And secondly it sounds like he made up his mind and wants to move on from you. Sounds like he is just using "faith" as a excuse.

If you are serious about maybe becoming of some faith you should really look into it. She if it is something that you can honestly believe and see yourself doing. I know that Jehovah Witness a large part of their faith is spreading their word and what not. Could you see yourself walking up and down the streets with flayers spreading a word on an early Saturday morning? If you can see yourself actually in something like this by all means go for it.

Good luck to you!
10/04/2011
unfulfilled unfulfilled
Good luck to you, but by no means do something for him. You have to want to do this for yourself. You cannot lose your identity to please someone else.
10/04/2011
Ansley Ansley
I'll share my personal experiences with this. I was raised as Baptist, I discovered some ugly truths about our senior church members that, for awhile, completely erroded my faith not only in religion but in humanity.

As an adult, I dated a guy whose mother wanted me to convert to Judaism. I had to leave the relationship for a variety of reasons, but this was the biggest one in question. I didn't believe I could do the faith justice and be in line with their traditional family observances. He understood, even though it was hard at first.

My husband was raised Roman Catholic. When we were discussing the topic of marriage, he asked me if I would convert for the sake of the family. Considering I knew he wasn't actively practicing and was merely holding up a facade to keep his family happy, I agreed. It never came to be---the conversion, not the marriage. And the reason for that was he had been divorced and we ultimately decided it was somewhat futile since he was already going against the Church to begin with. So that worked out nicely.

If I were in your position today and I truly cared for the person in question, I would definitely give it a shot. It's a way to meet and learn about a group of people and that can always be exciting and lead to new things in life. However, if I was in anyway uncomfortable with even one of their beliefs or practices, I would ask if we could not figure out a way to have a mixed-religious marriage and if not then I would have to walk away. I cannot be asked to compromise my beliefs when someone is not willing to do the same for me.

Explore it and see if it's for you, if not then I hope you can reach an amicable conclusion to the relationship and that you find happiness elsewhere.
10/04/2011
Coralbell Coralbell
I would never become part of a religion just for a relationship. Go to some meetings and do some reading/research to find out more about it. Only join if you truly agree with their values and beliefs and think it will make you happy. So basically, could you see yourself wanting to do this even if your boyfriend was not a Jehovah's Witness, or would you just be doing it for him? If you broke up with him would you be done with the religion as well? If so, I do not think it would be honest for you to join.

I am open to eploring different beliefs, but personally, I could never become a Jehovah's Witness due to the experiences I have had with a relative who converted.
10/04/2011
fabidefabi fabidefabi
You may find trouble with their views and beliefs are so different from yours. Also be careful with their imposing of values on you. This is a very delicate situation.
10/04/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by amandaco2011
A little background. I was raised without really any religion my mom was a single parent and there really wasn't time. I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year now. We re very compatible on many levels. He has recently in the last few ...
You've received a lot of good input - thought I'd add my thoughts anyway though.

I'm a Conservative Christian - as is my husband. Our faith is a major major part of who we are and it isn't like just having a club we attend on Sundays - but it affects all areas of our lives. It is based upon what we would call a "personal relationship" with God.

Because of what he has shared with you - I'm guessing that JW have much of the same belief...that it is very personal and that believers should not be "unequally yoked" with someone who is not of that faith. (It is in the Bible).

So it isn't like you can "give faith a shot" exactly. I mean - you can attend meetings with him and ask to learn more about his beliefs.

But it will be important to him to be with someone who is truly converted (in their heart) to his faith. If you convert just to please him - at some point down the road - one of you - or both of you may well regret it.

In my case, both my husband and I were "believers" when we met and already had the same faith. We've grown together in our beliefs and understanding as we've been married some 30+ years now.

Check out his faith and beliefs...yes. But don't "convert" just to have him. Why? Because if he is really involved in the beliefs, etc. of JW...he will continue to grow in it and many of his choices about anything from how to spend his money, his time, etc. will stem from what he believes about his faith.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
10/04/2011
amandaco2011 amandaco2011
I now understand that he is going down a path I can not follow.
The people he has begun to associate have changed him. He is no longer the strong, independent, smart, and intelligent man I fell in love with. I believe that man may still be in there but he is not the one driving the ship so to speak, and I know one of these days be it a year from now or 5 years that man will wake up incredibly miserable.
I know there is nothing I can do to change his mind and that he has made this decision no matter how much it pains me to see him enter into something that could cause him pain later on.
Now I just wish to have a conversation with him to gain closure. To speak directly to that man I love who is still in there and tell him thank you for the greatest year of my life, that I will always love him, and that if he ever needs me I will do my best to be there.
Sorry this was long, I pretty much have to keep saying this over and over to myself so I resist the temptation to run to him and say I would do anything to save the relationship. I know that is very unhealthy and in the end both of us would be miserable.
10/05/2011
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Unique posters: 10