Someone putting on a lot of weight doesn't necessarily mean they don't have the same personality. Nor does it mean they just "decided" to put on the weight.

If we're going to talk pregnancy here, a lot of women struggle to lose baby weight. It doesn't just drop off post-birth. Sometimes some women keep the weight not because they choose to, but because their lives are different and their schedules and bodies have changed and they don't have the available time they used to have. I don't know how long you've been married or how old your daughter is, but you might find that sometimes weight creeps on without you even intending or noticing.

Sometimes some people gain weight because of illness. A friend of mine has been overweight her whole life and people just thought she was fat because she chose to be. Turned out, she had a damaged thyroid and now, at her age, it's too late to do anything. She will be heavy the rest of her life and the only thing she can do is try to maintain her weight as it is.

There are numerous reasons people put on excess weight. To assume that they gain because they just "decided" is short-sighted and narrow. The better thing to do instead of dumping them for "not being the person you are attracted to" anymore would be to help them become healthier. Or...y'know...respect their body.

well said.

I've seen the very same lifestyle/eating habit change. One of our friends just got a divorce. They both joined our health club. A year plus later he loses weight, she doesn't. She cares for 3 kids, a full time job. He divorces her, sadly. Of course there was other issues I'm sure.

I think it depends on how much one loves her/him. Somehow the person would have to get her/him to lose some of it. Nagging and constantly bringing it up will only make it worse also. A person's body changes as they age. Metabolisms do change in males and females. Get he/him to make a regular annual doctor visit. The doctor will most likely suggest weigh loss as an observation. Most doctor's offices also have ads on wall and pamphlets for programs on weigh loss. Most will be a eating lifestyle change. Less carbs, sweets and smaller portions and eating every 4 hours vs 2 large meals. Cut out junk food replace with high protein bars.

One program with success is Ideal Protocol. They advertize no drugs,no vigorous exercise or starvation required. Burn fat and preserve muscle. You may pm me if you like more information. My wife did this and loss 14 lbs (her target) in 2 months. Many of her co-workers loss over 40.She joined the program to support her best friend at work. Of course there are many programs out there. Just surf the net.

Gain weigh also may mean loss of self esteem and happiness. Is the SO doing his/her share to maintain a great relationship ?

I totally agree with everything you said...so very well. Thanks.

It only gets harder to maintain weight as the years pass too. Even if you stay active and healthy. It's just nature, for many people. Believe me, I am speaking scientifically, not just personally. Any of you young pups who think you will be tight and slim, beautiful and flexible, perky and trim forever......just wait a few years and then call me!!!!

Best 'short' answer I've read.

Agreed...but then there are others who never change (I've weighed the same since my freshman year of high school).

@Wicked Whine,

I agree that a person is the sum of their parts. I've known women whom I would never have thought of as physically stunning on their own, but as I got to know them, became very attractive. Often they had a joy or zest for life that was intoxicating.

And that's part of why I believe if my partner gained 50 pounds, I'd break up. After spending 10 years as a personal trainer, I met only one person who was 50 pounds overweight and happy.

Often, that kind of weight gain changed the person's personality. People would tell me they were a certain way before the weight gain - happy, confident and active. Then after the weight gain, they reported being depressed and very unhappy - with their appearance, their sex life...everything and they were no longer active.

I am not saying I'd break up immediately with them, but if they were not willing to do what was necessary to return to their happy selves, I'd end it. Life's too short to suffer so long.

I absolutely agree that effort should be made to work with your partner. It seems people read into my question, that I would dump a person immediately and that's simply not the case.

But let's say, Pete's Princess, that you do all that you suggest...be encouraging, be supportive, help do whatever you can to relieve stress and improve their self-worth...and NOTHING changes.

If you've ever been in this situation, you will agree, that it takes a tremendous toll on your well-being as well. You get dragged into the pit of darkness. And often, when one person starts eating poorly and not taking care of themselves, it spills over to those around them, so your physical health can be affected with weight gain. Add to that, increased blood pressure due to the stress of trying to save the person and your relationship.

I still feel, that if one gives an honest effort to help their partner and they refuse to help themselves, it's okay to end the relationship - leaving the person with as much dignity and respect as you can. No need to be a jerk about it. But no need to be a martyr, fall on your sword and spend your days suffering for the other person.

I would say absolutely not!! I have put on nearly 100 pounds in the 4 years I've been with my husband. I have PCOS and it causes me to gain weight easily and it makes it much harder to lose weight. I've also given birth to a little girl and found out I'm insulin resistant. I'm a big girl but that doesn't mean I'm ugly or have no personality. My husband loves me all the same and I think that's how it should be.

Yeah, there are plenty of beautiful "big" women ! And many in show biz. Anyone heard of Molly ?

My husband has put on 45 pounds since we have been together. We have been together since 2012 and he was pretty skinny. I would say almost too skinny. I'm personally more attracted to him now than before. I think he looks way healthier. We workout together and try to stay relatively healthy. I think it's important to take care of our bodies and I think he's put some weight on with muscle. He is trying to lose about 10 pounds now but either way I think he looks great so I would say it depends. I don't think I'd ever leave someone over it but if you are uncomfortable about it maybe talk it out with your partner and help each other set goals to keep the weight off!