Do you believe that monogamy is natural or unnatural for humans?

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Tori Rebel

There have been studies done and there is a large population of people who do not believe that monogamy is a natural function for humans. One of the most popular reasons given is that you very rarely see monogamy in nature and since humans are animals, why should we be wired differently in that capacity.

One of the most popular arguments is that humans are not just your typical animals, roaming about in a field or a jungle - that we function at a higher level (this could also be compared to Freud's id/ego/superego structure).

So what do you think? Were humans made to try and procreate as much as possible or are we designed for monogamy?

Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):

Monogamy is an unnatural behavior for humans

petite-n-sweet , El-Jaro , Red Vinyl Kitty , Jesyra , Miss B Haven , aleong , Avant-garde , deltalima , Sidewinder , razmataz , s0fuckm3 , Tart , CynicallyYours , Onanist , Teaser , Liz x420x , gothikstars , Milk & Honey , pinkzombie , Akikaze , Lady Neshamah , LavenderSkies , mysecretcollection , That Guy , Ajax , WHITEMIKE , Crash , primrose88 , callsignhusker , clp , aBeastlyLittleThing , ac0313 , LindseyDawn , MaryExy , tammyandy69 , Belleuma Slle , Cougar in Training , hearts and hardons , Ms. Spice , Sex'и'Violence , Cream in the Cupcake , kelaaa33wish , padmeamidala , oohlookasquirrel , Screen Door , Beck , removedacnt6 , extrafun , LibertyGirl , Master Crimson , GonetoLovehoney , Willow Wand , markwashere , couldbemage , tortilla , Silverdrop , Ice1 , CreamySweet , Mirachaya , freda , finnimbrun , Missmarc , scaredlittleboy , MissMori , joja , Tangles , SJ88 , aliceinthehole , xilliannax , ShyGirl717 , Nirelan , Falsepast , LadyJiyae , Rainbow Brite , fruitnewton , Do emu , Heatherbipoly , SkinFlute , marshmallow , Pinkshirt , The Kitty , geekkink , Llahsram , snakeinfur , MsChessnudt , snowbumbunnie , PinkySt , Alyona , Trixxxy , Sugarfina , Trysexual , Bubba29 , Eugler , KinkyKatieJames , mdnght , SaucyxGirl , marmouse , TJax

Monogamy is a natural behavior for humans

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Other - of course!

P'Gell , Envy , 00 , David88 , Sanjay , PassionQT , Gunsmoke , Sir , Lady Venus , Airen Wolf , Waterfall , Not here , LittleBoPeep , DeliciousSurprise , buzzvibe , SexyySarah , Darling Jen , AU , El-Jaro , Miss Cinnamon , sarahbear , aleong , VampKitty , Splendwhore , Love Buzz , TheOnlyMystique , Andromeda , smartbabi92 , Adriana Ravenlust , Hazzard , Fanny , KinkyShay , Owl Identified , YvetteJeannine , RadRach , null , Midway through , mm4sa , Blinker , Alicia , fae , Kim! , The Nakanas , Taylor , sophie2229 , northstar , RonLee , Vaccinium , cherryredhead88 , xMila , inbarati , PussyGalore , mrs.mckrakn , A Good Girl , Hallmar82 , That Guy , streetshark182 , Mistress M. , lkb , HoneyHoney , Lady Marmelade , Happy Camper , zeebot , soyandapplecrisp , SexyStuff , Crystalbabe , jfree , Eden C. , Anjulie , sixfootsex , dhig , tickle me pink , llorraine , Lio , neon , Ansley , starsNairguitars , newfoundlust , Miss Anonymous , MandaB , bunny love , leanright69 , ToyGurl , CoffeeCup , emiliaa , angel142stx , Steve of Eden , curmudgeoncat , Enci , Trillian , Bunnycups , dezzydezire , nemesys , Kdlips , l'amour , js250 , Ryuson , EJ , ashaxmarie , ellejay , mudpie , T&A1987 , LilMissSub , WhoopieDoo , hyacinthgirl , badk1tty , Cherry21 , BlooJay , jdFtM , MissCandyland , Sapphires13 , Shellz31 , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , Aberrant , unfulfilled , PeachieClean , KyotoAngel , SmutGeek , Starshiptrooper84 , InnocentISwear , underHim , Azule , Voir , catsin , xxjoel , ghalik , calliope , hall5885 , Sex Positivity , Ahatmadeofshoes12 , Mistress Dragon , AutumnNight , VelvetDragon , CadmiumKitty , thekindthorn , d.wooldridge , lacybutton , pasdechat , Do emu , melissa1973 , friendswithfangs , solitudinarian , Crimson Vixen , SubmissiveFeminist , animepanda89 , sexykiss , Bodhi , LaSchwartz , Sangsara , namelesschaos , x203 , pix , Mrs. Tickle and Giggle , LAndJ , digit88 , aluminummm , Gdom , skeeterlynn , DoneWithAlltheLies , VanillaFreeSex , Stagger13 , Strider , LoooveMonkey , Breas , Forever Hers! , Creepellah , novanilla , shotjuan , Martiniman , Trixxxy , DigitalSweety , StarrStacked , LittleHouse , brevado , kawaii-princess , XxFallenAngelxX , spiced , snowminx , edeneve , wwwww , Robespierrethecat , WordsmithingImp , earthmama , Jenyana , Vanille , treehugger , Kirsten A , bog , Beautiful-Disaster , GONE! , RaspberryRogue , AliMc , alliegator , SMichelle , TJax , falalena

196

Total votes: 379 (359 voters)

Poll is closed

08/19/2010

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Envy

IMO, I think as a biological organism, we are poly. As a 'higher' sentient being, we have the ability to be mono. I think it just depends on what side you look at it, the scientific side, or the other side.

08/19/2010

ScottA

One thing to factor in is the extremely long development time of human children to maturity compared with most other animals.

08/19/2010

Tori Rebel

@ScottA - you're completely right, that is a huge difference factor to take into account. I honestly think it's something even scientists will never fully be able to answer, but people's opinions are interesting.

@Goth - I agree almost completely with you. I do believe that people are not, in general, naturally monogamous, but that we do have the ability and capacity to commit to it. I do however think that for some people that capacity and desire to be monogamous is much stronger than in others - but that's just like any other characteristic or preference among people. It's always going to vary.

08/19/2010

David88

Being a Christian I have to vote other. I think in our nature we want as much as we possibly can and that includes polygamy. I think it is out of love for our spouse or religious reasons that we don't take part in it.

08/19/2010

Sanjay

I think humans as a whole are both to be honest. I think some humans lean a little more one way than another, but I think we do exhibit both traits overall.

I personally feel very monogamous by nature and have no desire at all to be with another person. (By the way I'm not religious nor conservative in general). In past relationships I never felt urges to cheat because I became very deeply connected to one person (although of course a few of THEM cheated.. but that's another story!)

I also know I've met people who are seemingly polygamous by nature and it causes great strain and discomfort to stay true to one partner. Sure our sentient minds are capable of suppressing all kinds of natural instincts (and it is arguable as to how healthy or unhealthy that is.. depending on what we're talking about here..) but assuming the question is about our NATURAL instincts, I really do think some men/women are just wired for multiple partners.

In mother nature we see both types of relationships, and as humans we borrow all sorts of other instincts/habits from other animals.... it makes sense that we might borrow a bit from column A and from column B depending on the situation!

08/19/2010

PassionQT

I'll let you know after I finish reading "The Myth of Monogamy". It's in my bedroom and I just haven't had time to crack the cover yet.

08/19/2010

Timaree

it's way more complicated than yes-no. and the idea that what people did that was reproductively successful should be used to divine what we are "naturally" designed to do is not good reasoning. and definitely not good reference for future behavior. see more here link

08/19/2010

Gunsmoke

I'm a little bothered by the concept that we are just specialized animals.

Humans have free-will and a conscience, we choose to do what we do. Using nature as an excuse for betraying a spouse is a weak defense.

If you've made a commitment keep it. If you've changed your mind - why don't you admit it up front instead of sneaking around behind someones back.

In fact, even open relationships are about honesty - so why wouldn't a monogamous relationship be at least as honest.

It's not about nature, it's about making and keeping commitments - INTEGRITY.

08/19/2010

David88

Quote:

Originally posted by Gunsmoke

Very true gunsmoke. Some good points there.

08/19/2010

Tori Rebel

Quote:

Originally posted by Timaree

Oh, I completely agree it's not a yes/no issue. I doubt anyone will ever be able to completely prove one way or the other. But some people have very definite ideas on the subject and I'm curious as to the consensus of this community.

And although I see a lot of the same points as you did in Sugarbabe, I did like the book. I heard an interview with her and she comes off much better describing the book verbally than she came across in the book itself.

08/19/2010

Sir

Neither unnatural or natural. It simply is.

08/19/2010

Tori Rebel

Quote:

Originally posted by Gunsmoke

I completely agree with you here. I think anyone using the monogamy debate as an excuse to be dishonest or unfaithful is downright pitiful. I do however have total respect for those open and honest enough to admit that they do not believe that they are monogamous creatures and therefore will not force themselves to be something that they're not or enter a relationship under the guise of something they have no intention of following through on. If you make a commitment to be monogamous, I personally you should do everything in your power to keep it, or end the relationship outright and honestly. However, I also fully believe in making a commitment to only love one person without committing to being physically monogamous.

08/19/2010

Gunsmoke

Quote:

Originally posted by Tori Rebel

Yep - we're on the same page here. If monogamy is not for you - don't go down that road. But don't kid yourself into blaming it on 'nature', it's simply your chosen preference. Not good - not bad - just is.

08/19/2010

DeliciousSurprise

I am disinclined to think that humans are natually ALL monogamous or ALL polygamous. Perhaps some of us evolved to be monogamous and some evolved to be polygamous, the way that some of us evolved to be night owls or early birds.

08/19/2010

Waterfall

I do not think that all humans are meant to be monogamous. Sometimes this works for many people, but for others, there are better lifestyles that fit for them. I also think some social contructions and religions have made us feel that we HAVE to be monogamous to be accepted by society or to be "human".

08/19/2010

Airen Wolf

(EF Review Program Mentor)

We are neither naturally monogamous or polyamorous. We have the ability to choose which path we will take and it will forever be a choice. It's not easy to be either monogamous or polyamorous, nor is it easy to remain unattached.

08/19/2010

Not here

I think it totally depends on the person. For example, my man had been involved in a swinging relationship prior to meeting me, and found it was what he really needed in order to be truly satisfied. While I don't feel the need to be with any other men, per se, I am totally up to being with other women, so we discussed it and decided we would try threesomes and see how that works. It's not a lifestyle choice, more of a "hobby" and a way to broaden our sexual horizons. We're still early on in the experimentation phase, so we'll see what happens!

08/19/2010

Gunsmoke

Quote:

Originally posted by Waterfall

I don't understand what 'meant to be monogamous' means. The phrase implies someone is making 'rules'. At the risk of repeating myself - it's about CHOICE - free will - not rules or even right & wrong.

08/19/2010

petite-n-sweet

yes.. I said its unnatural but so is wheat, cooking your food and wearing clothes.. but we still do it..

I personally choose to be monogamous.. and wear clothes

08/19/2010

SydVicious

It's natural for me anyway.

08/20/2010

LicentiouslyYours

Quote:

Originally posted by Gunsmoke

Setting aside the concept of biology as a defense for cheating, I think we are animals and while we certainly have many higher level abilities that make us clearly more than just animals, we do share appetites—lust, thirst, hunger—with animals and they exist for a reason.

We are designed to want to have sex, eat and drink to ensure survival, but these appetites are both psychological and physical and we really have very little actual control over "wanting."

That said, we certainly do have control over our own behavior and legitimate reasons for choosing not to eat, drink or fuck in a particular situation. That's not to say it isn't difficult to resist doing so and obviously anybody with an extra pound or two is wearing proof that they did not resist temptation on an occasion or two.

What I find really interesting is that giving into the temptation to eat or drink things we want, rather than need isn't viewed nearly as seriously as giving into the temptation to have sex where we shouldn't—while really, at a basic level, it's not all that different.

And now I've gone of to a place where I am just wandering around in my brain and typing it out as I think it..so I'll stop.

08/20/2010

SexyySarah

I think it natural for most, but I know that there are a lot of people out there where it's not natural at all, but for me and my hubby very natural

08/20/2010

Tori Rebel

I really want to thank everyone for their responses so far. I expected this to be interesting, but the well thought out and educated responses are fascinating as I really enjoy hearing the reasoning behind different peoples viewpoints, specifically on issues that aren't cut and dry or black and white.

08/20/2010

Gunsmoke

Quote:

Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours

Setting aside the concept of biology as a defense for cheating, I think we are animals and while we certainly have many higher level abilities that make us clearly more than just animals, we do share appetites—lust, thirst, hunger—with animals and ... more

I couldn't disagree more, cheating is way more serious than eating an extra piece of pie!

08/20/2010

Darling Jen

I have a major leaning toward monogamy being natural for humans. But because we’re sentient, emotional beings with a higher intelligence that is almost incomparable to other mammalians. I think we’re so far displaced and different from our primitive and wild ancestors that biological and evolutionary influence is next to null. We’re just not like other animals anymore. We don’t evolve anymore (unless you count getting more susceptible to illness, disease, and obesity) and instead we just keep learning and changing our environment to suit us.

And as an entire species I don’t think polygamy could work. That doesn’t mean it isn’t wonderful for the few people that it does work out for though. I know there are some on this website and it’s great that they’ve found their niche and their loved ones. Being loved matters more than following expectations. I just think that as a whole, it’s not possible. Most people will eventually choose monogamy for a very good emotional, mental, spiritual, or personal reason.

08/20/2010

Victoria

Quote:

Originally posted by petite-n-sweet

yes.. I said its unnatural but so is wheat, cooking your food and wearing clothes.. but we still do it..

I personally choose to be monogamous.. and wear clothes

Very interesting point!

What FEELS natural for people is so subjective too. So, really this is an individual choice, preference, or nature. For me, it is now natural. 15 years ago, not so much. It's a mater of where you are in your life, the partner you have, etc too. Circumstances certainly affect my feelings.

08/20/2010

I know a lot of people who think monogamy is unnatural, but they tend to be people who have had problems with being monogamous. :/ There was a time when I thought it might be interesting to try opening my relationship to include another as I was torn between two men. But even with some prior discussion, the wading into this ended up hurting two good relationships. And I don't think my significant other could handle more than one girl, really. He would probably agree. I don't think a lot of our choices and preferences are natural, but oh, well. To each their own. If something makes you happy and you can do it, do it. I don't think on what is natural and what is not very often. It doesn't matter much to me.

08/20/2010

El-Jaro

I think monogamy is just a matter of maturity. Some people are mature enough and have enough discipline to be monogamous. Some other people aren't mature (wise) enough to keep it in their pants.

There was a really good article in Best Sex Writing 2010 about the design of the penis and the role it plays in monogamy.

08/20/2010

Airen Wolf

(EF Review Program Mentor)

Quote:

Originally posted by El-Jaro

Wow I don't know what to say...well I do know what I'd love to say but I can't phrase it in a way that isn't overly emotional. I still choose to believe that the people here at EF truly care about each other and that the print medium isn't the best way to convey thoughts, still it is so hurtful to hear over and over "if you were more mature you'd realize you should 'keep it in your pants'." Hell I suppose I deserve it, I leveled it at Sigel for many years.
I have ALWAYS wanted intimate physical relationships with a multitude of people, I have ALWAYS been this way. I was a miserable, insecure person when I tried to change who I was to be "mature". I crave and need these two men, I enjoy other encounters with just the same maturity and wisdom as I do the occasional bottle of wine. It's not cut and dry, there is no easy answer where emotions are part of the equation.

Discipline comes in many forms but it isn't lack of discipline that built the lasting ties between me, my husband and our life partner. My husband and I aren't non-monogamous because we can't commit, aren't intimate or are addicted to adrenaline. We are non-monogamous because we choose to accept and embrace the joy that loving others brings into our lives.

I know we have beaten the odds many times over, Sigel and I...and now Sigel, Arch and I but I don't think that we are all that rare. We are as rare as committed couples, that last from that first minute of attraction to the grave and beyond. Real maturity comes from realizing who you are and making peace with it. Living with dignity, loving yourself so that you have love to freely give to others and being content with what you have are the real tests of maturity and wisdom. Not sleeping with only one partner.

08/23/2010

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