The New Intimacy

The joys of Poly?

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Contributor: AnalArtist AnalArtist
Every discussion on here seems to be how poly is doomed to fail and the heart ache. I understand it can happened, it has happened and it hurts. However, I have a lot of friends in some and I'm looking (I have a mistress so any relationship would be like an off shoot of it.) So it would be nice to hear some of the good, some fun stories... something.

Not trying to lessen the pain or grief of past relationships, just tired of nothing but negativity!
05/19/2010
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Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
I see people make these arguments with queer marriages too and it's funny to me. People say that queer people are promiscuous, and people also say this about poly folks. Queer folks are delusional, misguided, afraid of adult relationships, immoral, and all of the same things are said of people with open relationships. It's all the same irritating Puritan-speak that I've gotten very used to tuned out 90% of the time.

To me, all I have to say, is the proof is in the puddin'. Straight marriages fail all the time. Monogamous relationships fail all the time. How can anyone argue that queer or poly relationships are any more doomed to failure than straight or monogamous ones?

In my experience, having an open relationship is a great fit for my partner and I. Neither of us pressured the other into it; it was a demand that both of us had at the very beginning of our relationship. Has it been difficult at times? Sure. But honestly? There has never been any serious problem as a result of being non-monogamous. Our most serious fights have been over things like our common goals or communication or whatever. Same old boring shit that many monogamous people argue over.

I don't live on a commune, I don't weave flowers into my lovers' hair, my open relationship is not political or spiritual or anything like that. It's actually really very simple and kind of boring. We just don't see any reason why being in love equals exclusivity. And that's it
05/19/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Not to speak for her, but Airen has been very open and real with us about her relationships / household. It's been a very positive look into her poly life.
05/19/2010
Contributor: LucyLemonade LucyLemonade
I'm not in a poly relationship at the moment (though I'm open to it) but I have met several people that have healthy, happy poly relationships. It does happen.
05/19/2010
Contributor: KinkyShay KinkyShay
Quote:
Originally posted by AnalArtist
Every discussion on here seems to be how poly is doomed to fail and the heart ache. I understand it can happened, it has happened and it hurts. However, I have a lot of friends in some and I'm looking (I have a mistress so any relationship would ... more
I am in one such poly family that works fantastically. We all love each other, we share the same bed when one of us comes to visit from Canada. She and I have a relationship totally separate from the partner we share. Everything fits, everything is drama-free.
05/20/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
It is rather discouraging when it seems all the literature about poly relationships is the 'How my life fell apart' saga. The thing is most people who are happy living the poly lifestyle don't write about it because the truth is rather mundane and boring to most people. Then you have the most common response which is to pick apart every statement looking for the "problems" people are SURE exist in such a 'wrong-minded' lifestyle.
We fight, we pick at and on each other, we even wonder if it's all worth it. The thing is we wondered that when it was just Sigel and me. The only difference is we now have a third person to wonder about! Arch is younger than we are and we wait for him to "catch on" and grow up. He waits for us to abandon our 'adulthood' and join him where he is. We compromise and meet in the middle, most of the time.
We are contemplating a time where we will all be under one roof and we know the problems we will face, this isn't our first bite at the apple, so to speak. We will fight about childcare (I have children with both men), finances, time allotment, hell we'll even fight about what's for dinner or what we will watch on tv. In short, we will be a normal functioning household.
We don't all sleep in the same bed though I would love too and neither guy has much objection. Problem is both are significantly taller than I am and the covers are usually over my head and I feel like I'm in a sweatbox! Neither guy likes sleeping alone but they do share well so I think it'll be fine.
I don't think our relationship is doomed to fail, we can't just "divorce" and walk away since for all three of us our children are our major focus. None of us wants to be the parent the kids "visit". I love them both, they both love me. They tolerate and on rare occasions actually like each other in truth they both care deeply for each other and are as committed to making this work as I am. None of us wants to simply walk away, though it would be easier at times. The benefits FAR outweigh the minor inconveniences.
It is something special to know that you have a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, someone to share the laughter, and several people your kids can go to when they need someone. All that and the sex is amazing!
05/20/2010