When you discover poly is for you, would it be best to tell family/friends before or after you have multiple partners?

When you discover poly is for you, would it be best to tell family/friends before or after you have multiple partners?

unoriginalgirlyid unoriginalgirlyid
My wife and I have recently started exploring poly and believe this is where our lives are heading. We don't have any serious relationships yet, but are currently dating people. My wife wants to wait to tell friends and family, but I think we should let them know ahead of time so that when we do have a significant other our people don't automatically go after them for it. She has also suggested not telling them at all. What do you think?
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Total votes: 16 (14 voters)
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06/05/2015
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Vnessa Vnessa
I feel I need an "other" category to choose. I have always believed in honesty and open communication. Your situation is a little more sensitive though. If you are planning on living an out and open poly life then you should fill family in first as you get closer to finding a match. If you hadn't tried dating anyone, I would say wait to see if this is even what you want. But since you have been dating and testing the waters a bit you probably have a good feeling that this is a good fit for your dynamics. Now that things are moving along, and it's possible you could find a good match for your relationship, I would say it would be a good idea to let family know that this is something that you are considering. This will allow them to adjust easier to your new relationship when the time comes. You can tell friends whenever you are comfortable
07/12/2015
Lioncub Lioncub
I would let them know ahead of time. Better to find out from you than someone else.
11/01/2015
Glinteye Glinteye
It's a tough one. I'm all for being open, but it's a question of how will it affect relationships, and what your priorities are.
11/16/2015
emiliaa emiliaa
I have friends who aren't 'out' to their parents, so they just call their partners their roommates, and the parents seem to be friendly about it. I, on the other hand, told my mother when I was in a polyamorous relationship, and she didn't like it, but it was at the point where I was living away from home and independently supported, so she couldn't do much about it and had to accept it. I suppose it's a personal choice, take into account how you think your family would react and talk to your partners about how they feel about it.
12/06/2015
envyoddball envyoddball
I think telling before or after could be just fine. I think it might be hard for you to decide how open you want to be about it until you find a partner and figure out how many strings are going to be attached too, though. I personally told my mom after but I feel like my mileage for advice runs out pretty quickly because thankfully I have a mom who's cool with everything. I would say maybe wait on telling them until you find a partner and discuss it with them as well - you don't know how out they will be with it either.
01/24/2016
Rose Unlocked Rose Unlocked
All of my friends know like right away but I have really open friends. My family I have never fully told but we aren't vary close.
03/02/2016
Honeymuffin33 Honeymuffin33
I honestly never told my family because I knew it would cause an unnecessary amount of drama.
03/25/2016
PolyLove PolyLove
I'm agreeing that there needs to be an 'other' option. It really depends on your family, location, how open you are going to be with other partners, etc. We told our family when we started practicing. We talked about it for 2 years before acting on it, though.
07/01/2016
cagypsy cagypsy
I also agree there should be an other category. I started dating a married couple. We now live together. Pretty much all of my friends are aware that I'm poly and know I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend and that they are married to each other. Some of my family does, those who I know are open minded enough to not have a melt down over it. Those family members who I'm unsure of how they would respond or that I know would have melt down I have chosen not to tell. I did talk with my partners about why I was not telling those family members the full truth. We did decide that when the time comes and I have a child I will find a neutral location in public preferably I think to tell the whole truth to my family and then let them decide if they wish to accept it or not. I would love to tell them all right now but know that for now avoiding that huge headache and argument is the best option for all of us.
12/15/2016
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 10