Double Trouble - Published by Crystal Girl

Double Trouble - Published by Crystal Girl

Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I've written a number of stories - basically fantasies about sexual encounters with my wife. Crystal Girl has published one on her blog link.

I'd love to hear from the community about their reaction to the content and quality of the writing. Thanks!
02/21/2010
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Viktor Vysheslav Malkin Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I've written a number of stories - basically fantasies about sexual encounters with my wife. Crystal Girl has published one on her blog link.

I'd love to hear from the community about their reaction to the content and quality of the ...
Just read!

Great read, I really enjoyed it. You've got some talent

Looking forward to reading more
02/21/2010
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I feel like there are a lot of unnecessary exclamation points. They tend to be distracting. Maybe it's just me. I know it's exciting stuff to write about, but sometimes it's better to be calm and sensual in erotic writing. Just my 2 cents.

Otherwise, great story.
02/21/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by LikeSunshineDust
I feel like there are a lot of unnecessary exclamation points. They tend to be distracting. Maybe it's just me. I know it's exciting stuff to write about, but sometimes it's better to be calm and sensual in erotic writing. Just my 2 ...
LikeSunshineDust - thanks! Not only do I sue too many !, I use too many dashes (-)!

Glad you liked the general story. Question - was it too long - or would even more detail been useful? Thanks
02/21/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
Just read!

Great read, I really enjoyed it. You've got some talent

Looking forward to reading more
Viktor - thanks for the enthusiasm. I actually have a couple dozen of these that I could clean up and publish 'at will' - but releasing them slowly seems to make more sense - stay tuned!
02/21/2010
LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
LikeSunshineDust - thanks! Not only do I sue too many !, I use too many dashes (-)!

Glad you liked the general story. Question - was it too long - or would even more detail been useful? Thanks
Well, I definitely wouldn't make it any longer. I think your level of detail is great. Personally, it was a little long for me. Again, maybe that just me.

As for the dashes, my fear is that if you take them out, it would make for a lot of run-on sentences. I suggest maybe taking some dashes out, replacing them with commas, then seeing where you could maybe splice some sentences into more than one.
02/22/2010
Viktor Vysheslav Malkin Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
I kinda liked the dashes, that is what made it unique for me to read. I loved the "-"
02/22/2010
Phoenix Fire Phoenix Fire
I thought this story was great. I really enjoy erotic stories and spend most of my time when I read them on literotica.com but I'd love to read more of yours... maybe you can start a blog?

I agree that the length was a tad long but I think it was too long in the anticipation and not so much the actual act. I would have loved even more detail whilst in the bedroom. I liked that it was a story about the positive encounter of first time anal play. I'm looking to reheat my sex life that's been on the back burner and knowing this was a real experience only brings on more hope that I can get mine back on a high burner. Good luck with more stories and let me know when you post new ones!!
03/01/2010
SexyTigerX SexyTigerX
Quote:
Originally posted by Phoenix Fire
I thought this story was great. I really enjoy erotic stories and spend most of my time when I read them on literotica.com but I'd love to read more of yours... maybe you can start a blog?

I agree that the length was a tad long but I ...
Phoenix Fire, I just post another of Gunsmoke's stories today on my site. Here's the link. link

I also submitted it to eLust to come out March 9th.
03/01/2010
deceased deceased
It sounds like the person was thinking in one language and writing in another, as if English was a second language, and that disrupted the rythym of the story. Too much detail, nothing left to the imagination.
03/02/2010
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 6