The New Intimacy

My wife wants a whip

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Contributor: married with children married with children
So my wife told me a few days ago that she wants to get some whip/flogger of some type of this site. I thought it was a little of a strange statement coming from her. She is not really the type to take charge in the bedroom. That is more my thing. I first thought that she just saw something pink and cute and wanted it. But she bugged me again yesterday about it. I cant get the picture of her holding it out of my head. It makes me laugh a little bit. It is really not her. It doesnt fit.

Have you ever had your partner want something, or do something that was just out of place for them? What did you do about it? I dont really want to get it for her, for a couple of reasons. First, she wont use it so it will just be a waste of money. And second, I am not into the spanking thing, for me or her. I am kind of hopping she just drops it. Not sure how to handle it if she keeps on asking.
12/06/2011
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Contributor: Mr. & Mrs. Peg Mr. & Mrs. Peg
I say go for it. Be open minded, discuss your reservations and your limits. Make sure you have a safe word and don't be afraid to laugh a bit. Also, you might want to start out with something soft or with a paddle. Diving into the deep end of the pool right off the bat is a sure fire way to have a bad time.

I would also recommend the book SM 101. Check out my review on PeggingLife.com. Its a great book for beginners.
12/06/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
I can understand what you mean about the desire seeming out of character for her or out of place for your perception of her.

But I understand it... more because I've been in her position before, than because I've been in yours.

Even if it seems like something that's completely out of place for your perception of her, realize that your perception of her isn't the pure essence of her. And somehow, if she's bringing this up repeatedly, this is part of her. Even if it seems weird to you.

As far as how to deal with it---talk with her about it, before deciding autocratically whether or not you're going to explore it. It would be fine to decide no---but you at least could offer her an equal part in the discussion. Maybe, if you give her a chance to explain, she will share a fantasy that would help this fall back into line with your perception of her. I mean, maybe she just wants you to use it?

It's fine to say "spanking is a hard limit and I don't want us to explore it together," but I would say that to continue to have a healthy relationship where you can both share your thoughts, have a discussion with her before making your final decision.
12/06/2011
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
Spicing things up is never a bad idea... worst case, you both find it silly and giggle through it. Those sex sessions can be some of the most fun!
12/07/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
There are so many things that my husband wasn't into before we met. Things that he didn't have any interest in trying. But everything I've begged him to try, he's loved
12/07/2011
Contributor: JewelsAndB JewelsAndB
sarcasm
Wow, it is so nice of you to have a discussion with total strangers about making a unilateral decision for your wife about her desires.
/sarcasm

Seriously... you should probably be having a discussion with your wife about her interest in spanking. Before you do, however, I would caution you to readjust your thinking about what right you have in deciding what is and what is not in her character to be interested in. Sexual interest and exploration is a continuum, not a static point. As people grow in experience (sexually and worldly) their interest change and what was once a "never in my life" can become a "it makes me so hot I am gonna explode" over time.

When Brian and I were first married, our sex life was as vanilla as can be. We were young and inexperienced (yes, I saved myself till marriage). Now we enjoy all sorts of things that, if mentioned 17 years ago, would have sent me running away as fast as possible. You see, we both have an open mind and a desire to share fun and exciting experiences together, so honest discussions about our interest and fears related to sexual experiences are just par for the course.

Have there been things I didn't want to try out of fear or some preconceived notion of taboo? YES!

Did some of them, after having been attempted end up on the "NO WAY (at least not now)" list? YES!

Have some of the items ended up on the "EVERY DAY AND EVERY WAY" list? Yes, and many of them have lead us to a deeper and more intimate relationship than I could have ever imagined.

If I am coming across as harsh, well... good. I would take great exception if Brian were ever to make a comment like "First, she wont use it so it will just be a waste of money." in regards to something I have shown interest in.
  •   (1)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
12/07/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
Quote:
Originally posted by JewelsAndB
sarcasm
Wow, it is so nice of you to have a discussion with total strangers about making a unilateral decision for your wife about her desires.
/sarcasm

Seriously... you should probably be having a discussion with your wife about her ... more
dont take this the wrong way. But I know my wife. I know what we have purchased in the past. I know what has gotten used in the past. I know what has gotten thrown away in the past. Thats the good thing about knowing someone for 20 years. You know their likes and dislikes. She is not into spanking. Never have been, and I dont think she ever will be. Pain and sex do not mix for either one of us. Like stated above, I believe she just wants it because it is pink. Not because she wants to use it. But because she thinks it is cute.
12/07/2011
Contributor: SexyTabby SexyTabby
Seems like you have reservations about it and you aren't into it and you need to understand that's okay. Honestly, I didn't even know I had kinky cravings til I hit my late thirties. My sex drive has greatly elavated and my needs changed. My Husband, who I've been with since I was 16, is just as reluctant to go there with me. It puts up a wall that isn't necessary. Try communicating your feelings and thoughts on it but be open to her needs as well. She may very well think it's pretty and just want to have it but don't we all want something once in a while just because we want it? She may love it or not. You may love it or not. Communication is the key to finding common ground!
12/07/2011
Contributor: Tessa Taboo Tessa Taboo
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
dont take this the wrong way. But I know my wife. I know what we have purchased in the past. I know what has gotten used in the past. I know what has gotten thrown away in the past. Thats the good thing about knowing someone for 20 years. You ... more
For what it's worth, I also tend to buy toys just because they are cute
12/07/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Even if she just wants it because its pretty, is that so much different than wanting anything else simply because it's pretty? There are plenty of people who own shoes, or jewelry, or clothes, or power tools, or even cars if they have more money than they know what to do with, that they've only used once, or will never use that they bought on a whim.

Also, is it possible that she is into it and has never told you because she thought it would make you uncomfortable? Try to consider what she has to say, and ask yourself: if you've got some extra points what would it hurt to let her have her flogger?

I run on the assumption with my lover that nothing he does is out of character for him, because if he does it, it must be something within his character or his potential character. He is who he is, and I let him be that.
12/07/2011
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
So my wife told me a few days ago that she wants to get some whip/flogger of some type of this site. I thought it was a little of a strange statement coming from her. She is not really the type to take charge in the bedroom. That is more my thing. ... more
Honestly, if she is being this persistent about it I would really consider doing it for her. You could even just be gentle or playful about it, and make it a short thing if it isn't for you, but as long as no harm comes to anyone I think it would be most fair to just give it a shot for her sake since it's something she's really curious about.
12/08/2011
Contributor: LittleBird LittleBird
Yummy! Let her play.
12/09/2011