My kids are just a little older now, but at one point we also had two under two so I totally understand your situation. At that age, they are both extremely needy and demanding of your time and attention. It is literally exhausting. However, it does get easier.

First, I would suggest trying to talk to your husband. Make him understand how you feel. Then, I would recommend setting aside specific nights for the two of you to spend together after the kids are put to bed. Make a commitment that on that night, you go to bed earlier than normal to spend time together.

In terms of toys, I would suggest something like a massager (Contour M) or maybe a vibrating cock ring link. Another option would be to watch a porn together. I was surprised how much my wife was in to this.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

Make time for dates as often as possible. Hire a babysitter or have someone you trust look after the kids so you get some alone adult time. Preferably overnight, but if they can just look after them long enough for you to go out and maybe have them asleep by the time you get home it helps immensely. You're not going to feel sexy, or like you have an identity outside of 'Mommy' if all you do is look after your kids at home and look after children at work too.

Yeah, toys and lingerie may help inside the bedroom, but what's going to make you feel sexy again is focusing on doing things you want to do. Exercising helps, not just for toning up your body after kids, but it helps you feel more energized and relieves some stress.

I second going to bed early a few nights a week. The extra time to reconnect is a huge marriage saver. Hope you guys find what you need.

I'm a wife and a mom. I had two C-sections too. I know your pain. Our baby slept in our bed until she was 8 months old, so finding "alone time" was almost impossible.

One thing we would do, since we both worked after #2 was born, was have an afternoon that we both took off work early and headed home to have sex. No questions asked, no changing plans. Leave at 3:30, meet at 3:45-4. At 5 go get kids from sitter. It was great for us because we knew that at least once a week we were going to have time for each other. As the kids got older (youngest is 3) we've been able to make more time for each other.

Some things you should do:

1. Forget about the 20 pounds. Buy clothes that you like to wear. You had two kids. You can try, but those 20 lbs may or may not ever come back off. It's not worth stressing over how you look in your OLD clothes. Buy stuff that makes you feel sexy (empire waisted shirts, straight leg jeans, accentuate the best parts of you and kind of hide the rest).

2. Exercise. I thought it was a myth, but exercise increases your sex drive and doing something that makes you feel good, makes you feel better about yourself.

3. Take some time for masturbation. For women, frequent blood flow to the vagina (caused by orgasms) also increases sex drive. Even if you don't orgasm, taking the time to make your body feel good, makes you want to let him make your body feel good.

4. Don't stay in sweats/pj's all day. Take the time every day to shower, get dressed, and do your hair. It may take a little time out of your day from chores, but it's well worth how you feel afterward.

5. Find a babysitter. Do you have a friend that you talk to about very personal matters? Is your mom close by? Explain that you need 1-2 hours every week to focus on your husband and intimacy. They'll understand and be so happy to help.

6. Try to make sure your conversations don't ALL revolve around the children. It's hard sometimes since it's such a major part of your day, but try and talk about the things you used to before children.

7. Find something you can do for an hour or two a week that is all about YOU. Both of you should have a hobby or a form of relaxation that just revolves around yourself. For me, it's some crafting stuff. For him it's video games. Taking the time to do the things you love gives you something to come back together and a) talk about, b) not feel like you're only about your kids and wifely-ness.


These are just some ideas. Obviously, not all of this is something you can do every day, but some of it is and it's well worth the time. Once your husband sees you doing what you can to make yourself look/feel good, he'll be eager to spend the extra time with you.

Hope this helps!

Perhaps you can find another couple you know with a child about the same age and form a "parent's time" group that will watch each other's kids once a week.

One thing I did NOT hear anywhere is that your husband did not find you sexy anymore. Quit beating yourself down and listen to him.