The New Intimacy

TMI, yes, even for a sex site...

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Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
The husband really wants to try anal. We've kinda tried it before, but there was no "warming up" to it, no real relaxing beforehand, and no lube. That being said I am TERRIFIED to try again. Also, (here comes the TMI part!) I have hemorrhoids left over from a recent pregnancy. Even tho he hasn't persisted, I know he wants to try.

I came across a "Dan & Jenn" video on youtube talking about "How to Get Your Girl To Take Anal Sex Like A Pro." And, despite being scared and the hemorrhoid thing, I do want to try again for hubby.

Dan & Jenn suggested lube, relaxing, and a butt plug. As you can tell I'm REALLY new to this, actually more playing with the idea than wanting to go through with it. So, what would be your tips and suggestions on a beginner plug and some really good lube? Or, because of the hemorrhoids, should I not try at all?

Sorry for the over-share, and thanks a bunch (in advance).
03/09/2012
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Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I would wait until the hemorrhoids are gone to be safe (and don't worry about it being TMI), but once they're gone I'd play around a bit on your own so that you know what you can handle in a completely relaxed and comfortable environment without having to worry about your husband may or may not think during the moment. A few small plugs or dildos, and make sure that you warm up when going at it.

I'm sure there's going to be a lot of great advice from folks more seasoned in anal play than I am though, but those are my thoughts. Good luck!
03/09/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I would wait until the hemorrhoids are gone to be safe (and don't worry about it being TMI), but once they're gone I'd play around a bit on your own so that you know what you can handle in a completely relaxed and comfortable environment ... more
Thank you. I am scared I'm not going to enjoy it and he's going to love it.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Are they internal hemorrhoids? I just read that butt plugs can help with that, although I doubt anal sex does.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
Are they internal hemorrhoids? I just read that butt plugs can help with that, although I doubt anal sex does.
Yea, and I would never have thought that. Would you mind sending me or sharing the link?
03/09/2012
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Lilith Bealove
Yea, and I would never have thought that. Would you mind sending me or sharing the link?
Darn. I didn't bookmark any site. I think I googled home remedies for internal hemorrhoids or something similar. Several forums had posts where people said butt plugs helped them. I'm still not sure whether any butt plug will help or whether it's just plugs with a certain shape.

I could have sworn that the Aneros Peridise plugs were designed to help with hemorrhoids, but I can't find any site that supports that idea now.

Note that I'm still such an anal chicken that I haven't actually tried any plug. I tore badly after anal sex when I was in my 20s and haven't wanted to try anything anal since then.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
Darn. I didn't bookmark any site. I think I googled home remedies for internal hemorrhoids or something similar. Several forums had posts where people said butt plugs helped them. I'm still not sure whether any butt plug will help or whether ... more
I don't think we got far enough for me to tear when we tried it. I think he got his head in and I jumped up, screamed, ran into a corner, and cried. He carried me back to bed and spent half the night apologizing. Since I was 17 and still living with my parent's I'm surprised they didn't come running, I swear it was a blood curdling scream! Lol.

Whoa! Those plugs look like scary spoons. Lol. I'll do some research and share what I come up with tho. Thanks for sharing. ^_^
03/09/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
You can begin with lots of lube and a well-trimmed finger first, insert it very slowly instead of pushing a whole finger in all at once, let your anal opening/muscle get use to the pressure slowly. After getting use to finger play, you can continue on with a butt plug that's at least 1 1/4" in diameter, with a long narrow neck and a wide base. Some people suggest anal beginners to buy a small plug (1" diameter), because it's not so intimidating while they get used to the idea, but you'll probably be tired of that tiny little plug and want to advance to a slightly larger plug after two or three anal sessions. So that's why I suggest to start with a finger instead of wasting money on a tiny plug. I think buying a plug that's at least 1 1/4" in diameter is a good start, just remember to buy one that's made with silicone and not jelly. You can take a look at the inexpensive Love-Pacifier or my favorite Njoy Pure Plug medium, they're both similar in looks, but the Pure Plug has a handle that's designed to hide between the cheeks, and can be worn comfortably all day. I hope this helps.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Destri Destri
I personally would NEVER attempt anal while I had hemorrhoids! I have had a lot of anal sex, and it has been known to cause me hemorrhoids, so I would be really careful if I already had them.

Now, it may never be something you are comfortable with, and as long as you are scared of it you are not going to be able to really relax. If you feel like you really are ready, then he should make sure first that you are very aroused... then use a finger and maybe then two to relax your sphincter... because that is very important to eliminate pain. Then lots of lube!

Finally, he needs to take it really slow. If he can't control himself, then he is going to want to jam it in and that will hurt. He needs to gently and slowly lead up to penetration, allowing your muscle to relax. Once it does, then there really shouldn't be any pain. And he needs to thrust slowly and not get too carried away.

You could stimulate your clit during anal because it always helped me to stay aroused, and I ended up having really intense orgasms.

But most of all, you really shouldn't do anything you don't want to do!
03/09/2012
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Lilith Bealove
I don't think we got far enough for me to tear when we tried it. I think he got his head in and I jumped up, screamed, ran into a corner, and cried. He carried me back to bed and spent half the night apologizing. Since I was 17 and still living ... more
I wonder if you would have torn if you kept going. Maybe you're just too narrow inside for anal sex. I didn't know I tore until it was over. My doctor advised me never to have anal sex again and I'm happy to follow doctor's orders.

Here's the site I found. The Peridise set is called Peristal when sold for the treatment of hemorrhoids. This site makes them sound miraculous. They are moving to the top of my wishlist.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Positwist Positwist
Been there, done that, and I'd recommend waiting until the hemorrhoids have healed. Pressure and friction can aggravate hemorrhoids, as you know, so it's not unlikely that you'll have some pain if you play now. Done correctly, anal doesn't hurt, but it may be tougher to figure out how to make it for you with pre-existing problems working against you.

But if you find yourself eager to try before they heal, give it a shot. Just be aware that it may be trickier than it would be if you bum was hale and hearty.

Good luck!
03/09/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
I think i'm going to read up on it some more. Thanks for all the great advice. And I am going to read some reviews on the Aneros peridise before deciding on those, maybe take the advice for finger play first. I'm scared to spend $100 dollars on something that may only get used once.
03/09/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Wait until you're all healed. Then move very slow - start with external stimulation, small penetration, and so forth. Take as long as necessary - if he balks, then remind him that if you love it you'll be more likely to have it with him. Start on your own, then move to partner play back from the beginning.

Plan on at least a month of working up, and prepare for 2-3. Don't cut corners here.
03/11/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
If you're terrified to try again then it will possibly be an even longer process. You need to be able to trust your husband 100%, and because there has been pain in the past he'll need to rebuild that trust. That "loss of trust" may sound a little funny at first, but think about it - there are really two parts of you that need to trust him: your head (voluntary), and your butt (more involuntary). Go very very slow and learn to enjoy the sensations, as well as learning that it's not going to hurt.

One more reminder: if and when you ever try anal again make it understood between you that you put his penis inside you, and he just stays still.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
He keeps saying that we don't have to, not to worry about it. Does that mean he's appeasing to what he thinks I want, or he doesn't want to try anymore?
03/16/2012
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Lilith Bealove
He keeps saying that we don't have to, not to worry about it. Does that mean he's appeasing to what he thinks I want, or he doesn't want to try anymore?
To me it sounds like he's trying to make you feel better about being scared about it, so more likely the first option. I would just ask him straight out. Tell him that it's something you're willing to try again and you decided that for yourself, but if anything's changed on his end it's ok for him to not want to try it again.
03/16/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Lilith Bealove
He keeps saying that we don't have to, not to worry about it. Does that mean he's appeasing to what he thinks I want, or he doesn't want to try anymore?
To me that just sounds like he loves you and that anal isn't so necessary for him that he's willing to hurt you to get what he wants. sounds like it just isn't a deal-breaker for him.

But, instead of asking us, go ahead and ask him what he means by it. Explain to him your fears, and what your true desires are in this arena. (To just give up, or to continue trying to explore it on your own timeline.) Sounds to me like he's up for open, honest communication, and that he really cares about your comfort level. That's a great sign!
03/16/2012
Contributor: Rahel Rahel
Quote:
Originally posted by Rossie
You can begin with lots of lube and a well-trimmed finger first, insert it very slowly instead of pushing a whole finger in all at once, let your anal opening/muscle get use to the pressure slowly. After getting use to finger play, you can continue ... more
(more tmi, hah) I myself have just gotten to the fingering stage, but I'll keep these plugs in mind
03/16/2012
Contributor: Rahel Rahel
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
To me that just sounds like he loves you and that anal isn't so necessary for him that he's willing to hurt you to get what he wants. sounds like it just isn't a deal-breaker for him.

But, instead of asking us, go ahead and ask ... more
Agreed! Very good sign of a good relationship.
03/16/2012
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
To me that just sounds like he loves you and that anal isn't so necessary for him that he's willing to hurt you to get what he wants. sounds like it just isn't a deal-breaker for him.

But, instead of asking us, go ahead and ask ... more
D'oh! This is more what I was meaning to say. By "trying to make you feel better about it" I meant "trying to reassure you that it's ok if you don't want to" and that it's not necessary, like indiglo said.
03/16/2012
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Might I suggest the tickle my tush book?
03/16/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Lilith Bealove
He keeps saying that we don't have to, not to worry about it. Does that mean he's appeasing to what he thinks I want, or he doesn't want to try anymore?
If he's being truthful about it (probably, but you know him better) then it means that he's willing to give anal up for you. It's a great opporitunity for you to figure out your own desires without pressure from him.

If you decide you do think you want to try it again then I'd say don't tell him about it right now. Explore on your own, learn to relax and learn to enjoy the sensations - or conversely learn that you don't really like the sensations and relaxation isn't easy (or somewhere in-between). Once you get to the point where you're comfortable with yourself playing with your anus then you can bring him back into the picture - and he'll probably be ecstatic.
03/17/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Might I suggest the tickle my tush book?
"Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" is also a good reference. Just ignore the stuff you don't want to do (she tries to cover most things).
03/17/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
Thanks y'all. This post has made me really think about what I want. And seeing my husband through y'all's eyes has made me love him all the more! I think I'm going to TRY to go for it. I know it is something he really wants to try, and I think he knows it's something we're going to have to work on.
03/21/2012