Hi.

I'm in my early 20s and still a virgin. I recently purchased Ella as my first dildo. It got such good reviews on this site. I tried to use it for the first time this evening, but just couldn't get it in. Only the tips of both sides would go in. I used lube and I was aroused. I can easily get a small/slim tampon or my index or middle finger into my vagina without any difficulties. I tried to get the Ella in for about half an hour. It was just painful. I eventually became frustrated with myself and tried to force it in as I stimulated my clitoris with my free hand. It just wouldn't go in. I eventually had a clitoral orgasm despite the pain caused pain the Ella. I'm just very upset with myself right now...


What can I do to get the Ella in? I want to have a g-spot orgasm.
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I've never used the Ella (though I have heard great things about it), but I have had run ins with toys that are too large for me during the first go, even if those toys are not considered large by most people. The most important thing is to not rush it, or feel like it's your fault. The Ella's gotten rave reviews, but that doesn't automatically guarantee that it will work for everyone on the first try.

You say that you can insert a finger or tampon without difficulty. From what I can see of the Ella's size on the EF's RealSize feature, this dildo is a bit bigger than either of these items. Furthermore, the Ella is made out of a velvety silicone, which in my experience tends to snag more on the skin. I find that it's easier to insert a rigid/smooth toy, like a plastic, ceramic, or glass dildo, than a silicone one, regardless of how much lube I use.

Here are some ideas to what you can do to convince Ella to join your party:

1. Start with just a finger, and work it until you feel your body asking for more. Then add a second finger. The idea is to gradually loosen up your vagina until it's ready to accept a toy of Ella's size without complaint. Take as much time and use as much lube as needed.

2. How much lube are you using, and what kind of lube is it? Obviously, you shouldn't be using silicone lube with a silicone toy, but some water-based lubes work better with silicone than others. I have a bottle of lube that I love, but it gets sucked up when it's used with silicone toys, so I try thicker lubes instead.

3. Don't put pressure on yourself. It's your first dildo, and you're a virgin. It's ok for it to not work out just right the first couple of times you try it. Playing with sex toys is a learning experience. If after a couple more tries, your body just isn't ready for Ella yet, consider getting a slimmer, smoother toy, like a plastic or glass dildo. You can use that to warm your body up, and after you're used to it, you can try using Ella again.

Finally, the Ella is not the only toy out there that can give you a g-spot orgasm My first toy was this little squishy jelly double stimulator. It had pthalates and all that bad stuff, but that little girl rocked my world and didn't hurt at all to use. Don't be upset with yourself, and be patient. Everything will come in time. less

Miss Cinnamon answered you very thoroughly, but I'd like to add a couple things.

First, a finger/tampon is nowhere near the size of Ella, and more importantly, none of them are the same shape as Ella's very extreme G-spot end. Your vagina is not used to this at all. As you have found, you can't force it. You HAVE to build up to the size of Ella, and you have to do it with a straight shape. Here are some fairly cheap options that are smaller than Ella (starred ones are the smallest):
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The other thing is that you can't just jump into G-spot play the way you are trying to. Yes, Ella will most likely stimulate your G-spot, but what's the point if it's going to cause you pain (which I can almost guarantee it will)? You need to ease into G-spot stimulation and this is NOT the toy to do it with. I would suggest you get the Bgee link and use that to get used to G-spot stimulation first. less

Both of the ladies above me have made excellent points, especially about not forcing or rushing anything.

I'd just like to add something. Just because you can fit a finger or a tampon in doesn't necessarily mean your hymen is completely broken. Chances are your hymen might be partially intact, which could be causing some of the discomfort.

You can always talk to your gynecologist about it. Good ones will want you to have positive sexual experiences, and should be able to give you some personalized pointers when it comes to this sort of thing. less

I would actually recommend the Tantus Silk (small) or the Tantus Compact. Miss Cinnamon answered you very well and Epiphora had some great additions too.

I know that Miss Cinnamon said that she finds something rigid (like plastic) easier to insert, but I found the exact opposite to be true for me. I was more comfortable with something soft and pliable. The Tantus dildos that I linked to are very squishy and they seem less ominous. I purchased a rigid plastic vibe for my first toy many years ago and I wasn't happy with it. But, you have to pick the texture that is right for you. You might want something more rigid or you might want something that is softer.

Don't get discouraged, these things take time less

I have had issues with painful insertion my entire life, and I highly recommend start out with a very thin, very smooth dildo first. My recommendation would be the Tantus Small Silk. From there you can move up to a similarly sized but textured dildo (texture tends to add a little to the girth), then just move up in sizes. Make sure you check both the diameter and the circumference of the toy!

I'm sorry your first experience was so painful, but hopefully, with a little patience, you'll be on the road to g-spotty happiness. less

Not really--it's too small and floppy for most women--but honestly, most effective g-spot dildos are a little bigger. If insertion is as hard as you say it is, it'll probably be better to slowly stretch yourself to accommodate a larger, g-spot focused toy. less