The New Intimacy

love/hate lube, happy medium?

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Contributor: Pixie Pixie
I have a problem. I love lube, and my current boyfriend hates it.

He says it makes things so slippery that he can't feel anything, and that he needs a lot of friction to come. He is a very aggressive thruster.

I cannot have sex without it. Too much friction makes sex painful for me, and makes my girlie bits swell up afterward. I have fleshy labia, so I like to put it around the outside to keep the skin from getting pulled around too much. We do not put it inside me, or on his penis since nature takes care of that.

We have a variety of KY products. The warming liquid has my favorite texture, and usually the one I pick. I'm not being excessive with it, and I think my BF is being a little over dramatic. It is rare that he can't come.

Anyway, is there a better choice for us? Something that would keep everything moving, but still give him the friction he needs? I'd maybe like to explore a seed oil, like grapeseed or avocado. Anyone tried these?
08/05/2010
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Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
For sex with my husband I prefer a good oil as well. Here's what we've been using. This is my review of the product. I love it! link
08/05/2010
Contributor: Kayla Kayla
My boyfriend will say that too sometimes, but it's only if we end up using too much lubricant. I'd probably recommend you use water-based and try using a little less than what you're using. Sometimes putting too much on can totally destroy the friction. You can always start off with a little amount and slowly increase.
08/06/2010
Contributor: TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
I personally don't have a view one way or another. I'm usually wet enough where it isn't even a thought for PiV sex. Even when I'm not, I like that pain that comes from the pulling and pinching and such. Call me weird though, . The two or three times that I have remembered and asked to use some for PiV, my Man usually says no. He likes me to be in pain as well, and it is just him exercising his power. lol.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
I like silicone lube for just this reason. A tiny dab eases the friction but still allows us to totally FEEL each thrust. And I do mean tiny dab, smaller than a pea.

Silicone lube is expensive but lasts forever and a day.

Coconut oil works well for me as does almond oil and, with the oils, I often find that bit applied before sex helps keep things pain free for me but doesn't really feel like lube at all - so he likes it, too!
08/06/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
We use lubrication almost all the time - but I agree if you are not careful there can be too much. Here's my take:

Water-based - we don't like them because over time then tend to get sticky - but this may actually work in your favor.

Silicone - by far the slipperiest. We use to use this a lot, but using too much was a problem and we decided to try something more 'natural'

Oil-based - you see a lot of people who don't like use of 'oil' as if we're talking about petroleum. Like the oil-based lube that NuMe recommended, the oils come from vegetables - like avocado or nuts like cocoa, shea or almonds. We love these formulations because even if you use a little too much you can just spread it out and it will be absorbed by the skin. And after sex your skin - even your hands feel silky and conditioned - 2'fer as they say.

Try a good nut-butter or vegetable oil-based formula - maybe you can find a compromise.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
I love them. I actually don't have any silicone lube right now, but for water based my husband loves Wet Naturals Beautifully Bare. My favorite water based is Pink Water. Both don't really feel sticky to me and they're a very light lubrication so I don't feel like we're all that slippery. I think my favorite lube is an oil based one, the Love Balm from Sensuous Beauty. That one is amazing and it doesn't really feel like lube to me.
08/06/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Just don't use silicone lube if you use silicone toys. You will melt your toys, and YUCK, I wouldn't want that mess in me, or want to ruin perfectly good, expensive toys.

I don't think your bf is "being dramatic" if he says he isn't feeling enough friction, he isn't. You can probably make a compromise.
08/06/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
It sounds like it could be an issue with too much lube. I'm not a fan of KY or astroglide at all. Those are both pretty thick lubes. There are a bunch of thinner lubes out there too. Alicia's suggestion is a good one! It's better quality, thinner, and tastes better.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
"Feelings are real"! I would suggest, as others have, less lube. Perhaps he developed the like for the dry feel from masturbation. My b/f was never into lube before me but now he too uses it for masturbation....but not too much.
We mostly use Maximus lube.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Just don't use silicone lube if you use silicone toys. You will melt your toys, and YUCK, I wouldn't want that mess in me, or want to ruin perfectly good, expensive toys.

I don't think your bf is "being dramatic" if he ... more
Actually, I've used silicone lube with most of my silicone toys. So long as it's a premium lube and a premium silicone toy, there usually aren't any lingering issues. I've never had anything melt.

I always do a patch test on the base or other inconspicuous area and use silicone whenever I can!
08/06/2010
Contributor: Pixie Pixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
We use lubrication almost all the time - but I agree if you are not careful there can be too much. Here's my take:

Water-based - we don't like them because over time then tend to get sticky - but this may actually work in your ... more
Yeah, I don't like having too much either... but I use it very very sparingly. I'm talking one teeny tiny drop on the tip of my finger. But he still says its too much. We actually have a lot of sex issues, too many to discuss here... but I think it somehow bruises his ego when I stand up for what I want in bed, and its something different than what gets him off.

Anyway...

I love oils. I use them on my skin and hair all the time, and make my own sugar scrubs. I never thought of using it as a lube before. I'm definitely going to try it!
08/06/2010