How to answer really depends on so many factors, such as are you looking for a toy for penetration or some sort of masturbation sleeve? Don't expect to find the "perfect" toy and lube combination right off.

I like the Tenga Flip Hole masturbater. It works great and is really easy to clean and is on sale right now...LOL

For lube I've tried so many different lubes. Indeed people have such individual preferences, you are really the only one who can say which lube YOU like only after trying it. Just for example, I like UberLube but my partner doesn't. Sadly, Uberlube also has a negative effect on some silicone toys.

Oh and btw please only use toys made of "body safe" non-toxic materials. Far too many low cost toys are made of something that might harm you sometime in the future. Years ago before I understood the difference between toy materials, my then partner and I were using a low cost toy. After a few uses and thoroughly cleaning that toy, my hole burned when using it. WTF! Turned out the material absorbed the dish soap that I had used to clean it.

For really deep penetration I like some of the Super Soft SquarePeg Toys (unfortunately not sold by EdenFantasys) used with lube made from either J-Lube or K-Lube both of which come as a powder that you mix to make the liquid lube.

Do you want to stretch each other's holes open maybe for fisting? Fingers work quite well and I love the feeling... both giving and receiving.

Good Luck finding what works for you and your partner(s).