I've always been kind of uncomfortable with my sexuality and definitely my body, which has always led to problems when it comes to things like masturbation. I'm slowly coming to terms with it all regardless, I think, and recently I've found myself with a bit of spare money around that I'd love to spend on myself. Specifically, on some toys.

Sorry, this post is a bit long, but I just wanted to share my experience while asking for some advice too!

I'm not very experienced, not entirely inexperienced either. A good friend bought me two toys last year, the Better Than Chocolate as well as the Harmonia. I loved the Better Than Chocolate, especially loved the patterns, though I sometimes wished it was a bit stronger, the motor eventually failed out on me over the course of a year or so ( at first I had to keep pressing down the button in order to keep it vibrating, which was inconvenient but not too terrible, but then it stopped working all together some time ago ). The Harmonia I have a more complicated relationship with, as I've always had some issues with penetration, only ever experimentally playing with a finger or two and never quite enjoying it. I tried inserting the Harmonia during extended play sessions, or at least tried working up to it, I was never able to.

A while ago though I was finally able to insert the Harmonia. I felt great about it, but well at the time the Harmonia's motor had died too ( I'd opted to keep it and continue using it as a dildo, I'd suck on it sometimes even if I wasn't able to bring myself to penetrate myself with it ). I'd done plenty of attempted g-spot exploration with my fingers to no avail, and the Harmonia didn't really help with that. I found myself barely able to feel it inside of me except when I really moved it. I tried leaving it inside of me while rubbing my clit, but it took a lot more effort to get off and the orgasm was pretty damn underwhelming.

Now I don't mind spoiling myself a little but I'd rather not get anything overly expensive. Better Than Chocolate worked great for me and getting a new one was my first thought, but I always wanted something stronger with similar patterns. I'm looking at the Siri and the OhMiBod Better Than Chocolate, because I do love my music, but other suggestions are welcome.

My clitoral orgasms have been enjoyable, but nothing particularly amazing, just good. I always thought that whenever I managed to finally penetrate myself with a toy I might be able to get something more, but my experience with the Harmonia has disappointed me. I consider it a learning experience of course, but right now I'm wondering if I should invest in a different g-spot massager that might work for me better ( no idea what that might be, suggestions welcome ), get another Harmonia and hope that maybe the toy with a functioning motor might be enough, or if I should accept that penetrative play might just not be what works for me. Maybe a larger one would help me feel it better, but when I had so much difficulty penetrating myself with something smaller, is getting something larger really a good idea?

I'm also very much intrigued by hands-off play, but I've no idea where to start with that. The selection of hands-off vibrators on Eden seems to be a bit limited, unless I'm missing something.

Any advice would be appreciated!