The New Intimacy

Vibrators and Orgasms; Is there such a thing as too much of a good thing?

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Contributor: Teaser Teaser
We have been married for over 30 years, and we have used vibrators of many different styles for most of our married life during foreplay, but not exclusively. I have noticed lately, and my wife has confirmed, that her orgasms don’t seem to be as strong as they once were, and are harder to achieve. So the question is;
Do you think that it is possible that you can “de-sensitize” yourself by using vibrators too often?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes I think it is possible.
Cloyster , Rossie , Sureshot , pirata , Love Obsessed , SilverIsis , AshMegYo , aubergine-sway , MidnightStorm , nosrslylol , animepanda89 , kitty377 , digit88 , TheirPet , cburger , ghalik , Mrs. Tickle and Giggle , AlianneCimorene , Madsinner , EdenUser , LAndJ , Charry , Pi , mmmmm , MistressDandelion , treefrog88 , Chefbriapink , dks210 , PropertyOfPotter , Lioncub , LanaBean , glasskitten , Hubby80 , Nice , Flan-Flan Shazam , darkr
36
No, you can’t wear it out.
Gracie , gloomybear , Talena , amazon , hall5885 , indiglo , Gunsmoke , P'Gell , bh253 , Airen Wolf , Mightymegarod , sexyfun , Missmarc , krystalmarie , wicked weasel , Lavendar , GirlOnGirl , PassionCpl , ToyGeek , momoxd11 , SexyRayne , CadmiumKitty , srval69 , SimpleHedonist
24
Holy crap! I hope not!
Mrs.Intensity , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , xOhxSoxScandalousx , PeachCandy , booboo111926 , amazon , M.O.'s Girl , Terri69 , CRAZYSEXYONE , Rosen Rot , Zombirella , Taylor , Bullfroggy and Rose , KRD , ginainohio , sexxxkitten , sexyfun , LovesAPoet , Pinkshirt , Yaoi Pervette (deleted) , Stagger13 , marrythenight , Dixiemomma , Norma Jeans , Noelle , annieruk , AshMegYo , MissCandyland , Aurora Borealis , null , ichwillwaffels , Femme Mystique , Scrawberry78 , Apate , Howells , Kitka , nosrslylol , LaSchwartz , konicaguy , WhoopieDoo , TheirPet , cburger , ghalik , Crimson Vixen , BoobCopter , Kaltir , Madsinner , Sohotdinosaur , November , SexyRayne , remember.me , kitty1949 , hot lil momma , sXeVegan90 , Lildrummrgurl7 , Chefbriapink , pizzahut , mjtheprincess , icyqueen , SimpleHedonist , roskat , sexytileena / absolutely love sex , LanaBean , glasskitten , bayosgirl , potstickers , JennSenn , Winifred , shielaray , Incendiaire , Arlinnae , SecretKinksters , LavenderSkies , edeneve , Happenstance , travelnurse
76
Yes, and I/we have done just that
quinceykay , Cloyster , redstars , animepanda89 , PassionCpl , Chefbriapink
6
As always, Other.
indiglo , Taylor , ghalik , MistressDandelion , Girly Juice , Supervixen , SimpleHedonist , jr2012
8
Total votes: 150 (128 voters)
Poll is closed
06/23/2012
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Contributor: Gracie Gracie
While I don't know you, I suspect that this issue is arising due to age and hormonal issues rather than becoming de-sensitized. I added toys to my life after this started happening to me. My first reaction was to find something to improve my kegel routine. And that is still my advice. It definitely helps, and it is nice to have toys for those times when you need a little help!
06/23/2012
Contributor: gloomybear gloomybear
i think that you can for a short period of time but if u rest for a while it should be easier
06/23/2012
Contributor: gloomybear gloomybear
i think that you can for a short period of time but if u rest for a while it should be easier
06/23/2012
Contributor: Talena Talena
Quote:
Originally posted by Gracie
While I don't know you, I suspect that this issue is arising due to age and hormonal issues rather than becoming de-sensitized. I added toys to my life after this started happening to me. My first reaction was to find something to improve my ... more
That is what I was going to say. As you age your hormone level can change. This sounds like something that has happened here.
06/23/2012
Contributor: PeachCandy PeachCandy
Maybe try using a G-spot arousal gel. They work a little differently than a clit arousal gel from what I understand. I just recently wandered across them and they sound great for some extra orgasm enhancement when you need it. I'm ordering some right now. So, g-spot arousal gel review....cuming soon
06/23/2012
Contributor: booboo111926 booboo111926
I hope not
06/23/2012
Contributor: Cloyster Cloyster
Vted for you "have done just that" by accident. I misread.

I think desensitizing is possible because I experimented with an intense back massager similar to the Kitachi (but a legit back massager) when I was little, and now I don't O.
Try using those gels, like PeachCandy suggested. And don't worry about it any more than your wife does.
06/23/2012
Contributor: amazon amazon
I've had stuff break, usually from dropping or not changing the batteries in time, but never from being worn out during use. As for us, well, we just keep on goin until we find either the right toy for the moment, or the right spot! ;-)
06/23/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I agree with Gracie on the age and hormonal issues, but I also believe overusing vibrators is another factor; a contributor confirmed that possibility a while back. I prefer to use my vibrators and dildos alternately, I think it's a good way to keep my sensitivity level normal.
06/23/2012
Contributor: Terri69 Terri69
Just the thought of this makes me sad...
06/23/2012
Contributor: CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
i hope not if so i'm in trouble...lol
06/23/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Gracie
While I don't know you, I suspect that this issue is arising due to age and hormonal issues rather than becoming de-sensitized. I added toys to my life after this started happening to me. My first reaction was to find something to improve my ... more
Yes, I was going to say exactly the same thing. Many members here were easily orgasmic at one point in their lives, and then peri- or full menopause hit and it became very difficult for them to orgasm.

There are some things that can help some people, so it would be worth her mentioning it to her doctor. Sometimes if it's hormonal meds/gels/etc can improve it some.
06/23/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by gloomybear
i think that you can for a short period of time but if u rest for a while it should be easier
This is also true. For example, after working out in the yard using a saw for several days in a row, my arms, shoulders and chest felt very weird from the vibration - however after resting it all returned to normal.

The same will be true sexually. Unless a strong vibrator is being used for extended periods of time daily, you aren't doing permanent damage. Rest it for a bit, alternate toys/hands and full function should return - IF it's related to the vibrator use. (Which I kind of doubt it is, it's more likely hormone/age related, imo.)
06/23/2012
Contributor: Rosen Rot Rosen Rot
I hope not!
I get numb if I use one for to long but the feeling usually returns after a few hours.
06/23/2012
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
We've been married almost 22 years and have been using toys for at least 15.

What I've noticed is that adding non-vibrating dildos to create blended orgasms that bring the g-spot, a-spot and pfe-zone stimulation along with clitoral vibrators - adds enough variety to avoid over-reliance on strong clitoral vibes.

Even now orgasms can occasionally be hard to come by - but that is usually because of distractions of the day - or next day - or some hormonal issues related to peri-menopause.

Mix it up - and good luck.
06/23/2012
Contributor: Sureshot Sureshot
I seem to remember Dr. Drew talking about vibration desensitization on Loveline to some extent in the past. After sharing vibratory toys with my SO for a fair length of time, my hand or fingers get numb. Same with using heavy-duty machinery with a vibratory quality; vibe with caution, and most importantly, in moderation. Time of life inconsequential, vibes alone not only make it harder for you, they can make it harder for your partner to feel validated by your, shall we say, 'enthusiasm'...
06/24/2012
Contributor: Sureshot Sureshot
As was said before, mix it up, and vibe in moderation. Also, if already desensitized, incorporate into couples' play, such that your partner can feel emotionally validated as well, even if it is just the motorized wonder and not the vascularized one.
06/24/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Yes, I was going to say exactly the same thing. Many members here were easily orgasmic at one point in their lives, and then peri- or full menopause hit and it became very difficult for them to orgasm.

There are some things that can help ... more
I actually started losing sensitivity before I ever used sex toys. The reason we started using them is that my orgasms were less intense, harder to get to and got better and easier only after we introduced sex toys into our lives.

I know my issue was hormonal changes and that the vibrators and other toys only helped get my sex life working again.
06/24/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Sureshot
I seem to remember Dr. Drew talking about vibration desensitization on Loveline to some extent in the past. After sharing vibratory toys with my SO for a fair length of time, my hand or fingers get numb. Same with using heavy-duty machinery with a ... more
Yes, but your hand and fingers return to normal after the vibratory tool is off, no? Or do they remain numb (or at a lesser stage of numb) for the rest of your life?

The same is true with the clitoris. You canNOT permanently desensitize the clitoris. The clitoris may become temporarily numb, but it will NOT do permanent damage.

And using toys with your partner can actually INCREASE the level of satisfaction in your sexlife, they do not invalidate a relationship.
06/24/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Sureshot
I seem to remember Dr. Drew talking about vibration desensitization on Loveline to some extent in the past. After sharing vibratory toys with my SO for a fair length of time, my hand or fingers get numb. Same with using heavy-duty machinery with a ... more
I have to strongly disagree. First of all, I distrust Dr. Drew. He makes his money and his name by inventing new "addictions" and labeling normal behaviors as "addictions." He also doesn't seem to understand female sexuality at all, and is hostile to sex toys or any way outside of PIV to help women have orgasms.

My male partner bought me my first sex toys, and wholeheartedly supports our using them during sexual play with each other an my using them myself. From what I have seen only men who don't understand or are willing to do what pleases their partner feel "invalidated" (er, insecure) by sex toys. Strong men and women, who want their partners to have orgasms by any means necessary feel healthy and happy whether sex toys are being used or not.
06/24/2012
Contributor: Teaser Teaser
Quote:
Originally posted by Gracie
While I don't know you, I suspect that this issue is arising due to age and hormonal issues rather than becoming de-sensitized. I added toys to my life after this started happening to me. My first reaction was to find something to improve my ... more
I actually suspected this (age) myself, but I didn't want to lead the answers to the age thing, but yet, I guess if I stated that we had been married "so long", I kinda did anyhow. I was actually curious IF it was possible to desensitize yourself, but it looks like maybe it isn't, at least for the long term.

She is, in fact, post menopausal, but she still seems to want and enjoy sex. I know I do! We will both turn 60 this year, but I still want to keep the home fires burning! In fact, I am going to order another toy, probably this week.

Thank you for the insight!
06/24/2012
Contributor: Teaser Teaser
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Yes, but your hand and fingers return to normal after the vibratory tool is off, no? Or do they remain numb (or at a lesser stage of numb) for the rest of your life?

The same is true with the clitoris. You canNOT permanently desensitize the ... more
Good to know that there can be no permanent damage.

"And using toys with your partner can actually INCREASE the level of satisfaction in your sexlife, they do not invalidate a relationship."

I completely agree with you. We love to use toys, and play games for sex. (Remember "strip poker"? Stuff like that. We know we are going to get naked and have sex, but it makes it just a little more interesting. And besides, there is always bragging rights when I win! Actually, sometimes it's more fun to loose! ) I never felt that a toy would invalidate a relationship. I think anything that enhances your pleasure and closeness actually validates the relationship.
06/24/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Teaser
I actually suspected this (age) myself, but I didn't want to lead the answers to the age thing, but yet, I guess if I stated that we had been married "so long", I kinda did anyhow. I was actually curious IF it was possible to ... more
YAY! Good for you. Get that order in. It's good to hear. No invalidation, only fun and love!
06/24/2012
Contributor: ginainohio ginainohio
goodness sakes i hope not
06/24/2012
Contributor: bh253 bh253
You cannot permanently desensitize the clitoris. It's a myth.
06/24/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Teaser
We have been married for over 30 years, and we have used vibrators of many different styles for most of our married life during foreplay, but not exclusively. I have noticed lately, and my wife has confirmed, that her orgasms don’t seem to be as ... more
It's not the vibrators dear it's hormones and aging. We all feel some slight decrease in intensity and ability to achieve orgasm as we age, both men and women. You haven't destroyed any nerves or done any damage it's just the loveliness of aging and hormone changes.
06/24/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Cloyster
Vted for you "have done just that" by accident. I misread.

I think desensitizing is possible because I experimented with an intense back massager similar to the Kitachi (but a legit back massager) when I was little, and now I ... more
Unless you actually cut or somehow detached the nerves the early experimentation you did doesn't have anything to do with your inability to orgasm now. You cannot desensitize your clitoris permanently unless you choke off the blood supply to the nerves or otherwise cause nerve damage through trauma. Vibration is not traumatic to these nerves...or any other for that matter.
06/24/2012
Contributor: sexxxkitten sexxxkitten
Oh I sure hope not!!
06/24/2012
Contributor: Love Obsessed Love Obsessed
I believe so or I wouldn't be a dildo user now.I started noticing that I would have to turn the vibrator up higher to orgasm so I stopped using it.And I use one for a few years often.Another reason why wasn't just that I was just paranoid about using it too much.
06/24/2012