Disabled and not feeling life?
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My husband was abused as a child and then was abused by his wife and by the woman he had a long-term relationship before her. It has taken years to get this sweet, wonderful man to learn to love himself. He was both verbally and physically abused. The scars that it left have been something that we have had to deal with. There were times that he did things to sabotage the relationship and push me away. It was because he did not think that he was worthy of having someone really love him. Luckily, I knew the amazing man he was and stuck it out.
What helped both of us was first to learn to appreciate what great people we are. If you do not respect and love yourself, it is hard to find someone who will. We had both gotten away from our faith in God, me more so than him. This helped us to know we were created to be wonderful and amazing in our own way.
Then we had to look at what we were doing that was not healthy. We have read books on relationships and gone to relationship classes. I think the most important thing that I have learned is that to find the right person, you need to be the right person. If you are a person who is strong and confident then you will attract the person you want.
The first thing I noticed about your post was that you immediately classified yourself as disabled and having CP. You may have that, but that does not define you. If you make your disability your identity, then that is what people see. I am sure you are so much more and have such wonderful gifts to share. From the little you wrote, I can tell that you are a kind, loving man who cares about others. Work on your self-esteem and relationship skills and the right woman will be drawn to you. Do not tolerate being mistreated. The first time someone mistreats you let them know that is not acceptable and if they do it again, you are gone. Then if they do it again, leave.
The nice thing about Eden is that most people here really do want to help and I think if you want, you will always find an ear here. Sure some responses might not be helpful, but others, like the ones from Pete's Princess & Lickable Lollie shows there are lots of caring people out there! I would like to suggest maybe as you do meet women, that if you have any questions or insecurities, that you can ask people here about whatever is concerning you. That way you have a support network to help bolster you to make decisions that are right for you. It always helps to know you are not alone and to hear other people who support you!
I'm glad you have gotten out of the abusive relationships, that's the toughest part! Now you can start fresh and you can make better choices for yourself after learning you're as worthwhile and deserving of love as anyone else! If there's anything you'd rather not post, you can contact someone in a private message, too. Feel free to contact me anytime if you want, okay? Good luck and I hope to see you around! Part of loving yourself is learning to enjoy your body and we are all about that here, too! So if you have questions about any of the sex stuff, this is also the right place, lol!