Is she on birth control? Many of those medications will negatively affect the sex drive. It took me a long time to figure out that my problem was not mental, but hormonal (due to the birth control I was on).

Other medications, such as antidepressants, can also cause loss of libido. Stress can also reduce it. less

I see, well, for one thing, what you are describing is a lot of performance anxiety: she feels anxiety that she isn't getting you off, and you feel anxiety because she is disinterested in sex. Perhaps you both should stop worrying so much? There ARE people who are genuinely not interested in sex, and perhaps your girlfriend is one of them. This is sometimes due to depression, trauma, or other mental factors, but sometimes not (sometimes it's hormonal and she can talk to her doctor to see if her hormones are out of whack). Sometimes it's temporary, and sometimes it lasts. The worst thing you can do sometimes is push someone to perform who is really not interested. If she is in it purely for your pleasure, but is herself not interested, then that may end up being a problem later on.

And I'm not trying to make it seem like you are forcing these choices on her! It seems like it's very much both of your decisions. less

It sounds to me like she should have a general physical. She should get her hormone levels checked, along with thyroid levels. (And not just the TSH, but also FreeT3/4) Wonky hormones and malfunctioning thyroid can cause major blows to libido. Has she had a thorough workup recently? If she has a good OB/GYN doctor, this is definitely something to make an appointment to discuss. Otherwise, she can talk to her GP about it.

It can be an uncomfortable thing to talk about, but in a long term relationship sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and discuss embarrassing things with your doctor because you love your partner. And this is nothing new, whatever doctor she talks to about has definitely heard this all before. less

Hello all! This is my first time actually starting a discussion here, and I really hope that y'all can help me out.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months now. We started off as an LDR and now I live in the same city as her. We have had a lot of good sex, and pretty often. The problem doesn't lie within the sex, really. More, it lies in the lack of sex drive.

She has told me a few times that she does get horny and she likes to please me, but really, she has no other interest in sex and never really has. Her libido is practically non-existent unless I'm just super horny and we both happen to be drinking (Houston Pride for example, we pretty much couldn't even wait to get home...).

What concerns me is the fact that the last few times we have tried to have sex, her giving to me, I haven't gotten off at all. It's felt good, very good, but I haven't gotten off. The only explanation I can come up with is that I can tell she's not into it. It's not that she has no interest in me, she just doesn't have an interest in sex very often. She had never achieved orgasm, either, until I came along. It took a few months, but I got her there .

Last night was kind of a big hit, though. She got really upset that she couldn't get me off and feels as if she is doing something wrong and feels like my body isn't responding to her anymore because she thinks that I'm bored with her. I assured her that I'm not, but she's still upset at the fact that she couldn't get me off.

Now, I have a very high libido. I'm easily turned on, and I like sex, and sometimes can't get enough of it. But, I can also limit myself. Especially when I know she's not feeling it. And the last two weeks, she hasn't really been in the mood. Sometimes, a simple touch can turn me on, but since I know that a lot of her touches lately haven't been meant to turn me on, I have controlled my over-sensitivities to keep her from thinking she is turning me on without meaning to.

Could the fact that I was controlling those urges have an affect on my ability to get off?

But even more of my concern lies on this: her sex drive. I want her to want sex; not just want to give it to me because she knows my drive is higher than hers. She has a lower self-image of herself and how her lady parts look, and her body in general. And for so long she was the "tough guy" the one who wasn't totally feminine in the bedroom, the one who didn't make girly moans and noises during sex. Typically, she never ever received from anyone. And she almost never masturbates, and I have a sneaking suspicion probably never did before I came along.

I know a lot of her issues need to be resolved by her and not really as a couple. She never used to want anyone to touch her, but she has let me in and trusted me enough, which, really, really means a lot to me. But, I know that her lack of sex drive might have a lot to do with her poor body image.

She's so frustrated with this and thinks that she can't please me and thinks there's something horribly wrong with her just because she has, as she puts it, "the libido of a 60-year-old man, but even some of them have higher than me."

I'm so sorry I made this long and it might be a little all over the place. I just figured that I could find some trusted advice from the users on here. I've always trusted this site for it's toy reviews and its sense of community over others. And now, I'm coming here for advice on this. less

I'm in the "truly disinterested in sex" category and it took a long time before I was ok with having sex on anything resembling a regular basis. Part of why I was so disinterested before was because I felt like it was being forced on me, but now it's more of a while I'm not actively in the mood, I'm not not in the mood either. Something that makes her feel sexy might help help her to be in the mood more often; new lingerie or massages, maybe even dirty talk. She might have a hormonal imbalance, but she might not. I got all the tests you can think of and all my hormone levels are right where they should be but I'm still not in the mood very often. I have found though that with a significant other with a higher sex drive than me, if I wasn't in the mood to have sex I would still get pleasure from helping my partner get off, and even that would sometimes put me in the mood. less

I've been there. Ohhhh, have I been there.

I was that way in my current relationship. I loved him, I loved sex, but I just wasn't in the mood most of the time. We're in an LDR where we're about two hours away. I see him on the weekends.

For a while, we were in a rut with me not being in the mood. Strangely enough, me getting a job at an adult toy store, reading everything here on EF, getting new toys to try, and constantly being involved in this website have taken me from 0 to 60 . . . no, wait, 100.

Maybe you should talk to her and ask her how she feels and what could be causing her to have such a low libido. I felt exactly like she did. It was like the more he would try to initiate things, the less interested I was, even though I loved him dearly.

Even more frequent masturbation, whether you feel like it or not, can help boost your sex drive. I even tried herbal remedies like Damiana, which helped out a lot. The biggest thing is that she needs to feel sexy.

Maybe you should try to get her involved in the community? Get her excited about trying new toys with you. See if that helps. less

It sounds to me like she should have a general physical. She should get her hormone levels checked, along with thyroid levels. (And not just the TSH, but also FreeT3/4) Wonky hormones and malfunctioning thyroid can cause major blows to libido. Has she had a thorough workup recently? If she has a good OB/GYN doctor, this is definitely something to make an appointment to discuss. Otherwise, she can talk to her GP about it.

It can be an uncomfortable thing to talk about, but in a long term relationship sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and discuss embarrassing things with your doctor because you love your partner. And this is nothing new, whatever doctor she talks to about has definitely heard this all before. less

She and I are interested in looking for a strap-on and I've done a lot of review reading on here and whatnot. She and I are just waiting for our finances to allow a toy. I'm self-employed and don't have work very often and she's working minimum wage and paying all her house bills and insurance, blah blah, normal stuff.

So, would it be a good idea to maybe take her out one day and have her pick out some nice underthings? She's not much one for lingerie, but she is very girly when it comes to bras and panties. She has always wanted a matching bra+panty set.

Who is the author of this book you read? She gobbles books up and would probably be pretty interested in that one. less