Heated discussion: should you keep this from your partner?

Heated discussion: should you keep this from your partner?

CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Tonight me and my husband had a very heated discussion on weather it is right or not to keep from your partner that before you were together you had unprotected sex with someone and caught something from them, had to take medicine and now it is gone. I say even if it is gone you should have to tell them I think it is only right. Specially if you are having unprotected sex with them. he say that it is none of the other persons business if it was before your time and now it is gone. We got into a very heated discussion so much so i told him that we better stop talking about it where do you stand on this?
06/17/2012
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tami tami
it is only right to let your partner know what you have or have not had there are too many things out there to catch and even if it is gone you should know about it..history is history but we all need to know it to learn from it and move forward...If hubby is keeping a nasty little secret i am sure he is probably embarassed about it and is trying to keep from hurting your feelings but honesty is the only way to go
06/17/2012
Peggi Peggi
I personally WOULD tell my partner, but that's just me. I would feel like I am keeping some huge secret from them, just like I told him about my miscarriages with a previous partner, it was something in the past that won't affect the present/future, but it's a big part of my life, and he deserves to know.

But I don't believe in secrets from my partner so of COURSE I would say you have to tell them lol.
06/17/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
I don't feel it is a must if your were completely cured after taking medication and it is no longer in your body. Something like that can be embarrassing and possibly ruin a new relationship depending on the people. If you have been with someone for a long time already and the issue was never brought up then I don't even know why it would be brought up in the present and why they even want to know.
It is only a MUST to tell someone if you have something that is incurable and still active in your body (even if you haven't had a break out or whatever for a long time). That is only fair.
06/18/2012
humblepie humblepie
I would really want to know. If my partner told me something like that, I'd ask them to get tested again so we could make sure it was totally gone, and then everything would be fine! It was caught and treated before you got together with them, so as long as it's actually 'cured' they shouldn't get upset with you right? That's just my reasoning lol.
06/18/2012
Ansley Ansley
If the situation has been resolved, it's none of my business. I have no plans to be with anyone else, but I wouldn't tell a new partner about my medical history unless it directly affected them. What's been cured does not affect them.
06/18/2012
<3BF <3BF
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
If the situation has been resolved, it's none of my business. I have no plans to be with anyone else, but I wouldn't tell a new partner about my medical history unless it directly affected them. What's been cured does not affect them.
I agree. As long as someone hasn't lied about their sexual past it doesn't matter to me if they did catch something that was treatable and it was completely gone before I met them and they never thought to mention getting crabs once upon a time or some such thing.
06/18/2012
Beck Beck
I don't think it's a must tell. However, I would want to know. I would also tell my partner. I knew my hubby had crabs once. No big deal. It's nothing that effects me if it's cured, so they don't have tell me. But I would want them to feel like they could tell me anything. Including that.
06/18/2012
digit88 digit88
Quote:
Originally posted by CRAZYSEXYONE
Tonight me and my husband had a very heated discussion on weather it is right or not to keep from your partner that before you were together you had unprotected sex with someone and caught something from them, had to take medicine and now it is ...
If it is cured and in the past and i look at it as past medical history that doesn't have to be shared unless the person wants to.
06/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
If it's a curable STD like gonorrhea or syphilis or trichamonis? It depends on the relationship. Some people know very little about germ theory and how sex works, and those people, hell no would I tell if I had been treated for something and was cured!

For instance; I think we've proven on this very board that some people don't listen to reason or even facts; look at the "withdrawal" thread. Proof has been posted that pre-come has no semen in it if the man urinates first, PROOF. Yet, people are still posting "NOOOOO Precum has more sperm in it than anything." Take a FACT about STDS and those that are curable and add that to a person that won't listen to reason (reason being, if its cured it's gone and your "now" partner can't get it) and you'll have a recipe for disaster.

So, if my partner was a reasonable person with a working knowledge of how the body works, knew what "cured" means and understood sex properly; Maybe I'd tell them. If they were the type of person who simply kept repeating things we know to be untrue because "they heard it somewhere" NEVER! Of course, I don't date people like that and never did. But, the more weird and uneducated people are about STDS, sex and what the word CURED means the less likely they are to listen to reason.

But, I don't think, people "have to" share anything about a previous relationship that they feel they don't want to, kids from that relationship outstanding. (Meaning, yeah, they should tell you about any kids, but NOT about what happened during their sex life BEFORE YOU were in the picture.) Just because you are dating someone doesn't mean they "have to" tell you everything. When people start putting "have tos" on relationships, really unrealistic expectations happen.
06/18/2012
Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by CRAZYSEXYONE
Tonight me and my husband had a very heated discussion on weather it is right or not to keep from your partner that before you were together you had unprotected sex with someone and caught something from them, had to take medicine and now it is ...
I think you should tell them. Especially if you have been with this person for a while.
06/18/2012
Bex1331 Bex1331
If it's cured I see no reason to tell, it's not contagious, would you care if they had lice in sixth grade? Then why do you care if they had crabs?
On that same note I don't see why it should need to be kept a secret, but I can understand if it just never came up.
06/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I also beleive people should be tested regularly even IF they are in a monogamous relationship.

Several OBGYNs I worked for says a high percentage of women who swear neither they nor their partners have been with anyone else in years show up with STDs, even after NOT having them at the last visit. It's basically a given that this happens to a large number of people.

There's nothing wrong with getting tested. But, everybody has a right to privacy about things that no longer apply. If something is cured, it's in the past.

Something that can't be cured, like herpes or HIV etc. (Even though herpes is a minor inconvenience and HIV is very serious, they have little in common) yes, the person should mention it BEFORE the first time you have sex.
06/18/2012
deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by CRAZYSEXYONE
Tonight me and my husband had a very heated discussion on weather it is right or not to keep from your partner that before you were together you had unprotected sex with someone and caught something from them, had to take medicine and now it is ...
There are few things you can catch that are forever gone. I say you should tell the other person.
06/18/2012
CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Quote:
Originally posted by tami
it is only right to let your partner know what you have or have not had there are too many things out there to catch and even if it is gone you should know about it..history is history but we all need to know it to learn from it and move forward...If ...
that is the exact way I feel about it
06/18/2012
CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I personally WOULD tell my partner, but that's just me. I would feel like I am keeping some huge secret from them, just like I told him about my miscarriages with a previous partner, it was something in the past that won't affect the ...
exactly so glad there are others out there that think like me
06/18/2012
CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Quote:
Originally posted by <3BF
I agree. As long as someone hasn't lied about their sexual past it doesn't matter to me if they did catch something that was treatable and it was completely gone before I met them and they never thought to mention getting crabs once upon a ...
but what if they hassled you about where you been and that they didnt know if you have something
06/18/2012
CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
If it's a curable STD like gonorrhea or syphilis or trichamonis? It depends on the relationship. Some people know very little about germ theory and how sex works, and those people, hell no would I tell if I had been treated for something and was ...
Thank you so much for posting this i really do appreciate this
06/18/2012
CRAZYSEXYONE CRAZYSEXYONE
Quote:
Originally posted by deltalima
There are few things you can catch that are forever gone. I say you should tell the other person.
thanks for sharing
06/18/2012
Danneh Danneh
While I would tell a partner-
no. if it's gone- they don't have to tell you. And I stand firm on that. If there is the slightest chance it isn't gone- then I believe that they should. But if it's something they had years ago.. eh. People get embarrassed by that- and you don't have to tell your SO every embarrassing thing you've ever done.
07/12/2012
succulenthunny616 succulenthunny616
If you currently have it yes. It all depends on the type of relationship you and your spouse have.
07/29/2012
succulenthunny616 succulenthunny616
Quote:
Originally posted by Danneh
While I would tell a partner-
no. if it's gone- they don't have to tell you. And I stand firm on that. If there is the slightest chance it isn't gone- then I believe that they should. But if it's something they had years ago.. eh. ...
I agree.
07/29/2012
Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
I ask my partners to get tested with me before we do anything. Then we wait another six months of no sexual activity of any kind and retest. If they're std free, the past doesn't matter to me. I don't simply take anyone's word for it when it comes to this as it is.
07/29/2012
Total posts: 23
Unique posters: 16