The New Intimacy

STD Tests: Is "I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours" ok?

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Contributor: NurseKitty NurseKitty
I have a friend from South Africa who moved here to the US, she met a boy and they started getting serious. She asked him to go with her and get tested for STD's, he freaked out and ultimately ended the relationship due to "her lack of trust". She told me in SA it is customary and in fact a sign of your commitment to your partner to get an STD test and share the results with one another.

So I wanted to hear what the US populous thinks! Is it ok to ask your partner?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes! It's a way of showing you are committed to eachother
126  (100%)
No way, that's not showing trust in your partner
Total votes: 126
Poll is closed
02/03/2012
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Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I think it would be a good idea, but to me it's less about commitment and more about just being smart and protecting yourself. I don't know that you'd have to go together, but just make sure both people are aware of their status.
02/03/2012
Contributor: Greenleaf Greenleaf
I don't see it as a lack of trust. It is possible to have something that you don't know about/hasn't shown itself yet. And if you already have had a test done, it shows lack of trust and possible deceit to not let your partner see it.
02/03/2012
Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
It's a good thing to enter a relationship with.
02/03/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
And the winner of the Overreaction Award of the Year goes to her ex-boyfriend. If someone refused to get tested or to show me their results, they would be on the other end of the refusal. My life is way too important than their issues over "not trusting someone" because I know STDs can be silent killers.
02/03/2012
Contributor: wdanas wdanas
In these cases I often wonder if the partner that freaks out is hiding something or afraid to find out the truth for themselves.

From my perspective it has nothing to do with trust, but with respect and concern for your partner.
02/04/2012
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
I think complete honesty is a good thing.
02/04/2012
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
Not getting tested is always taking a chance. Even if you think there's NO WAY you could have one.

Meh. She's better off without him, sounds like he has the trust issues, not her.
02/04/2012
Contributor: Teacookie Teacookie
In SA it is customary and it should be standard everywhere. I love my doctors clinic they just automatically test people long as they have insurance. They ask in such a way you feel silly refusing because they just want to test ALL their patients. You can get STDs in strange ways not just sex.
02/04/2012
Contributor: Breas Breas
It is absolutely okay! That would worry me if someone freaked out about it.
02/04/2012
Contributor: FemmeFlo FemmeFlo
I think knowing someone's STD status before having sexual contact with them is really important. It's not even a matter of trust. Your partner could have an STD and not know about it if they haven't been tested. My boyfriend asked me to get tested before we started having sex, and I asked him the same. Neither of us was offended. And happily, we were both clean.
02/04/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I have asked and i have showed my test before. I have been single for years and have not had sex in about 3 years. There is just to much stuff out there to catch these days and a STD is something mild compared to getting Aids or HIV. I have kids to live for and my body is just to precious to be out screwing ever Tom, Dick and Harry.
02/04/2012
Contributor: duff duff
So not lack of trust. My husband n I have had it done before. N now it seems like more couples get tested together. Like earlier post said, u may have something n not show it. The boy not wanting to be tested seem shady n seem like he was hiding something. Dono if its true but heard that aids is common in africa cause of the lack of safe sex
02/04/2012
Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
I don't care HOW much you trust your partner. They may have an STD and not even know! It's selfish for them to not want to show you their results. All that can do is make a person suspicious.
02/05/2012
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
Wow. I think it's a big sign you are committed to each other. Anyone who says otherwise seems like he or she has something to hide...
02/05/2012
Contributor: PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by NurseKitty
I have a friend from South Africa who moved here to the US, she met a boy and they started getting serious. She asked him to go with her and get tested for STD's, he freaked out and ultimately ended the relationship due to "her lack of ... more
This is about the best question/answer I've seen here at Eden Fantasys. Call it trust or call it commitment; but in the best interest of your LIFE, this is almost a life saver!
02/05/2012
Contributor: kawigrl kawigrl
it's more strange that he refused
02/05/2012
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
I'd be nervous if my partner didn't want to go through with a STD test with me. I wouldn't leave him if he did have an STD, but I would like to take necessary precautions in case he was carrying something so I wouldn't get it. I WOULD leave him if he refused to take a test though.
02/05/2012
Contributor: NurseKitty NurseKitty
I agree with everyone, but I guess I do live in a very conservative state with next to no sex education available at the public level. When I asked a number of friends from around here they were totally shocked she would even consider that she would ask such a thing. One person even said that if she thought he was such a "man-whore" to be sleeping around like that why was she dating him?
02/05/2012
Contributor: samanthalynn samanthalynn
Quote:
Originally posted by NurseKitty
I have a friend from South Africa who moved here to the US, she met a boy and they started getting serious. She asked him to go with her and get tested for STD's, he freaked out and ultimately ended the relationship due to "her lack of ... more
yes
02/09/2012
Contributor: Ahatmadeofshoes12 Ahatmadeofshoes12
This is the first thing I do when I begin a new relationship before I stop using barriers (even for oral sex). I can't stand using barriers but I can't take risks until I know both me and my partner are clean. Make a date and go to get tested together. Any guy who wouldn't do this sends some serious red flags for me.
02/12/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
I think it's a great idea.
02/12/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by NurseKitty
I have a friend from South Africa who moved here to the US, she met a boy and they started getting serious. She asked him to go with her and get tested for STD's, he freaked out and ultimately ended the relationship due to "her lack of ... more
It shows how committed to your self that you are. Personally, I want partners who are committd to their own health first.
02/12/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
there should be an other button
02/12/2012
Contributor: Wide Awake Daydream Wide Awake Daydream
I would hope that every person wants their partner to be happy and healthy... Just seems to make sense.
02/12/2012
Contributor: eeep eeep
I think its a great thing to ask your partner. A lot of people don't bother getting tested unless serious signs occur, and in many STDs signs can be very mild or take a couple years to even show up. If someone I was dating asked me to go get tested with them, I'd be proud knowing they were responsible enough to do so.
02/12/2012
Contributor: Curiouscat Curiouscat
Yes! It's a very smart thing to do, and does show commitment for each other. Someone could have an STD and not know- If you care about them, you want to keep you and your partner safe.

It's not about her trusting that he says he's clean- because he might not even know he has something!
This is a perfectly reasonable thing to do for each other.

If someone did what he did to her to me, I would assume they had something to hide. You don't hide things in a relationship. Can't trust someone who wont be open with you. She's probably better off without him.
02/12/2012
Contributor: prttynink prttynink
I think it shows a lot of respect for someone. I someone wouldn't share that information with me, I would feel as though they didn't really value my health and wellbeing.
02/13/2012
Contributor: Shiouri Shiouri
I think it's a great thing to do.
02/13/2012
Contributor: richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by NurseKitty
I have a friend from South Africa who moved here to the US, she met a boy and they started getting serious. She asked him to go with her and get tested for STD's, he freaked out and ultimately ended the relationship due to "her lack of ... more
yes
02/15/2012