I have a dear friend who is an alcoholic. How many of you suffer from or are close to someone with this disease? How have you coped?
Alcoholism: Are you close to an alcoholic or suffer from the disease yourself?
08/21/2011
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My father and mother are both alcoholics. I am not close with either of them. It's hard to be close to someone who never knows the difference between sober reality and drunk reality.
I had a friend whose mother was a lifelong alcoholic. She tried to quit drinking. Two days later, she found her on her couch. She had passed away from DTs. It's terrible, but I think she felt like there was nothing that could be done about it and she wasn't going to let it ruin her life.
I had a friend whose mother was a lifelong alcoholic. She tried to quit drinking. Two days later, she found her on her couch. She had passed away from DTs. It's terrible, but I think she felt like there was nothing that could be done about it and she wasn't going to let it ruin her life.
08/21/2011
My father was an alcoholic while I was growing up. Then he went to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and has been sober ever since. About 20 years now.
His brothers are idiot-drunks and will likely die from it.
His brothers are idiot-drunks and will likely die from it.
08/21/2011
My mom was an alcoholic when I was growing up. When I was about 8 she started going to AA and has been sober for 22 years. I don't know how I coped with the alcohol part since I was really young. I do remember my parents fighting and I would take my brother in my room and we'd hide under the bed until it was over. They divorced shortly after my mom went to treatment, so the divorce affected me more than the alcoholism did.
08/21/2011
I am not, and don't have the genetic predisposition luckily, but I work daily with those who are suffering from that disease. Coping is hard, as so many have such big hearts, but that also makes hard, for me at least, when they fall. I find holding to boundaries firmly, and having a strong support network to vent/give me reality checks and love serves to make those relationships I share with addicts more productive and rewarding, wherever they might be in their recovery process.
08/21/2011
My mom drinks A LOT, like a bottle of whine every night.
It impedes her relationships with men and her female friends but does not impede her work. She drinks and drives often, and never feels like it is wrong bcs she isn't "too drunk" to drive. I am not sure how much the reason for the drinking is psychologically and emotionally driven as I do not live with her.
Although she isn't ever in a 24 hour drunken stupor, I still think she has an issue with drinking. She has attended AA meetings and she has attempted to stop drinking but she still drinks.
It impedes her relationships with men and her female friends but does not impede her work. She drinks and drives often, and never feels like it is wrong bcs she isn't "too drunk" to drive. I am not sure how much the reason for the drinking is psychologically and emotionally driven as I do not live with her.
Although she isn't ever in a 24 hour drunken stupor, I still think she has an issue with drinking. She has attended AA meetings and she has attempted to stop drinking but she still drinks.
08/22/2011
My father is an alcoholic and it has affected our relationship a lot. I've heard stories from my mother about how he was when I was younger and he seems to have mellowed out a lot over the years and is no longer an angry drunk, but he's still hard to deal with when he's been drinking. Short phone calls turn into him rambling for hours on end. He doesn't take care of himself or his home so he never wants people to come over and most of the time he'd rather drink than go out with us for anything. I dragged him out for father's day to try and spend some time with him and he was reluctant to go, giving me numerous opportunities to back out "without guilt" but I still went and took him out to lunch anyway. He keeps saying he's going to quit drinking, and he'll stop for a few days, but then he's right back at it again. I've encouraged him to go to AA, I have friends that have done it and would have no problem helping him as much as they could, but I also know that you can't help somebody who doesn't want help so until he makes the decision to go to AA or take some other step I don't really see anything changing.
I can handle him being rather antisocial when he's drinking, I'm a bit antisocial by nature anyway so I get it. The part that really bothers me is that (and I admit I'm speculating a little bit) he feels he's messed up with my siblings and I and doesn't want to put the effort into fixing that relationship since he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't talk to us much or anything like that; but he buys presents for and makes plans to spend holidays with one of his friend's families rather than trying to make any effort to spend any time with us. It hurts me that he'd rather spend time with his "new" family than his own.
I can handle him being rather antisocial when he's drinking, I'm a bit antisocial by nature anyway so I get it. The part that really bothers me is that (and I admit I'm speculating a little bit) he feels he's messed up with my siblings and I and doesn't want to put the effort into fixing that relationship since he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't talk to us much or anything like that; but he buys presents for and makes plans to spend holidays with one of his friend's families rather than trying to make any effort to spend any time with us. It hurts me that he'd rather spend time with his "new" family than his own.
08/22/2011
Quote:
I am an alcoholic... I don't cope so much as manage.
Originally posted by
js250
I have a dear friend who is an alcoholic. How many of you suffer from or are close to someone with this disease? How have you coped?
I haven't wanted to stop, I've just organized it all to the point where it doesn't need to.
I am a relatively functional person, who happens to be an alcoholic.
It's nature and nurture taking me hand in hand and walking me down the primrose path, cause all 6 of my parents are alcoholics too.
08/22/2011
Quote:
*hugs* The antisocial behavior is what hurts the most for me, too. Sobriety will never be appealing to either of my parents because there is nothing to silence the thoughts---a few drinks and life is good. You know? There were so many things we didn't do as kids because my parents spent money on vices instead of enriching our lives. I couldn't have known that then, but I do now and I resent them for it. And I resent their parents for doing the things they did to create these demons for my parents. It's just a nasty, nasty circle. I still love them dearly, we just don't have much cause to hang around each other.
Originally posted by
Jul!a
My father is an alcoholic and it has affected our relationship a lot. I've heard stories from my mother about how he was when I was younger and he seems to have mellowed out a lot over the years and is no longer an angry drunk, but he's
...
more
My father is an alcoholic and it has affected our relationship a lot. I've heard stories from my mother about how he was when I was younger and he seems to have mellowed out a lot over the years and is no longer an angry drunk, but he's still hard to deal with when he's been drinking. Short phone calls turn into him rambling for hours on end. He doesn't take care of himself or his home so he never wants people to come over and most of the time he'd rather drink than go out with us for anything. I dragged him out for father's day to try and spend some time with him and he was reluctant to go, giving me numerous opportunities to back out "without guilt" but I still went and took him out to lunch anyway. He keeps saying he's going to quit drinking, and he'll stop for a few days, but then he's right back at it again. I've encouraged him to go to AA, I have friends that have done it and would have no problem helping him as much as they could, but I also know that you can't help somebody who doesn't want help so until he makes the decision to go to AA or take some other step I don't really see anything changing.
I can handle him being rather antisocial when he's drinking, I'm a bit antisocial by nature anyway so I get it. The part that really bothers me is that (and I admit I'm speculating a little bit) he feels he's messed up with my siblings and I and doesn't want to put the effort into fixing that relationship since he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't talk to us much or anything like that; but he buys presents for and makes plans to spend holidays with one of his friend's families rather than trying to make any effort to spend any time with us. It hurts me that he'd rather spend time with his "new" family than his own. less
I can handle him being rather antisocial when he's drinking, I'm a bit antisocial by nature anyway so I get it. The part that really bothers me is that (and I admit I'm speculating a little bit) he feels he's messed up with my siblings and I and doesn't want to put the effort into fixing that relationship since he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't talk to us much or anything like that; but he buys presents for and makes plans to spend holidays with one of his friend's families rather than trying to make any effort to spend any time with us. It hurts me that he'd rather spend time with his "new" family than his own. less
08/22/2011
both my grandpas were, and my uncle is following in his dads footsteps. My parents don't drink. I drink sometimes, but never to the point of getting drunk. I do not know how to cope with a alcoholic. *It is a self inflected sickness, they are the ones who have to want to change. You cant do it for them. No matter how much you want to help, you cant make the changes that are needed.
08/23/2011
Quote:
Maybe he is also embarrassed by his disease? My friend is and has shut out most of the people that really care for her. She finds new 'friends', but usually hangs out with the ones that either drink with her or see no problem with her drinking. Sometimes she can hide her problem, so maybe she feels like she is not being 'judged?
Originally posted by
Jul!a
My father is an alcoholic and it has affected our relationship a lot. I've heard stories from my mother about how he was when I was younger and he seems to have mellowed out a lot over the years and is no longer an angry drunk, but he's
...
more
My father is an alcoholic and it has affected our relationship a lot. I've heard stories from my mother about how he was when I was younger and he seems to have mellowed out a lot over the years and is no longer an angry drunk, but he's still hard to deal with when he's been drinking. Short phone calls turn into him rambling for hours on end. He doesn't take care of himself or his home so he never wants people to come over and most of the time he'd rather drink than go out with us for anything. I dragged him out for father's day to try and spend some time with him and he was reluctant to go, giving me numerous opportunities to back out "without guilt" but I still went and took him out to lunch anyway. He keeps saying he's going to quit drinking, and he'll stop for a few days, but then he's right back at it again. I've encouraged him to go to AA, I have friends that have done it and would have no problem helping him as much as they could, but I also know that you can't help somebody who doesn't want help so until he makes the decision to go to AA or take some other step I don't really see anything changing.
I can handle him being rather antisocial when he's drinking, I'm a bit antisocial by nature anyway so I get it. The part that really bothers me is that (and I admit I'm speculating a little bit) he feels he's messed up with my siblings and I and doesn't want to put the effort into fixing that relationship since he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't talk to us much or anything like that; but he buys presents for and makes plans to spend holidays with one of his friend's families rather than trying to make any effort to spend any time with us. It hurts me that he'd rather spend time with his "new" family than his own. less
I can handle him being rather antisocial when he's drinking, I'm a bit antisocial by nature anyway so I get it. The part that really bothers me is that (and I admit I'm speculating a little bit) he feels he's messed up with my siblings and I and doesn't want to put the effort into fixing that relationship since he doesn't know where to start so he doesn't talk to us much or anything like that; but he buys presents for and makes plans to spend holidays with one of his friend's families rather than trying to make any effort to spend any time with us. It hurts me that he'd rather spend time with his "new" family than his own. less
Caring for an alcoholic is very difficult and painful, but I have known her since we were 10 and she is like my sister. I love her but sometimes feel heartbroken and helpless.
08/24/2011
I know this is an old thread, but it really touched my heart to read this today and hits close to home. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
01/14/2012
Quote:
I just saw this, and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. He is embarrassed by it sometimes, but not enough to really seem to want to do anything about it. His friends know he drinks a lot, but to them he's always been a "partier" for lack of better wording, and his drinking is part of what makes him "such a fun and laid back guy." His friends don't seem him barely be able to walk, or have trouble lighting a cigarette, or have a hard time forming coherent sentences. I know he's said he hates how much he drinks and how he feels he relies on it, but he doesn't really want to change anything. So I guess until he does decide he wants to make a change, all I can do is let him know I'm here if anything changes and he wants help, and to keep maintaining the balance between getting so close that I'm always being let down and being too far away that he won't ever really talk to me again.
Originally posted by
js250
Maybe he is also embarrassed by his disease? My friend is and has shut out most of the people that really care for her. She finds new 'friends', but usually hangs out with the ones that either drink with her or see no problem with her
...
more
Maybe he is also embarrassed by his disease? My friend is and has shut out most of the people that really care for her. She finds new 'friends', but usually hangs out with the ones that either drink with her or see no problem with her drinking. Sometimes she can hide her problem, so maybe she feels like she is not being 'judged?
Caring for an alcoholic is very difficult and painful, but I have known her since we were 10 and she is like my sister. I love her but sometimes feel heartbroken and helpless. less
Caring for an alcoholic is very difficult and painful, but I have known her since we were 10 and she is like my sister. I love her but sometimes feel heartbroken and helpless. less
01/16/2012
My daughters father is one. I gave him plenty of chances to change and he had not so I left him. I will not let him see his daughter until he does something about it. I just don't feel she would be safe around him.
01/16/2012
My grandmother is one, but I refuse to have her be a part of my life. She doesn't care until she is alone and had the bottle of vodka anyways, so I don't care anymore.
01/16/2012
I have noticed with the winter blues and now the holidays are over, there is more drinking issues. Both with my friend and my husband I have been overcome. Thank you for sharing - it helps to get other viewpoints and experiences.
01/16/2012
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Unique posters: 12