Did you have difficulty with sex after pregnancy?

Did you have difficulty with sex after pregnancy?

VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
After pregnancy did you have a really hard time having sex again? Did you have terrible anxiety about getting pregnant again? Or anxiety just from the sensation of penetration because of what you've been though? (pain or just the sensation of fullness scares you, bad memories, ect...) I'm asking any woman that's ever been pregnant. It doesn't matter if you gave birth, had a miscarriage, or an abortion. I'm going through a difficult time in my life right now because I'm absolutely consumed with anxiety, so much so it prevents me from having a good sex life.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, it was difficult for me.
6
No, no problems at all.
12
Kinda... I'll explain.
1
Total votes: 19 (19 voters)
Poll is closed
01/07/2013
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PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Are you on birth control? What is it exactly that's worrying you?

After I gave birth to my first daughter, I had some reservations because I had a partial episiotomy and had quite a tear internally, resulting in an unknown number of stitches that took 45 minutes to do.

Once I had healed from that, I didn't have a problem though.

She was my most difficult labor and birth. The other two were very simple in comparison. I had vaginal sex with my husband only days after giving birth to my last child (with a condom of course!).

I've never been worried about getting pregnant because I've always had something to help prevent, and if I didn't it was because I wanted to have children.

Did you have a traumatic experience either physically or emotionally? It sounds like that might be the case. If so, getting to the root of those feelings might help. Is there anything that relaxes this anxiety other than abstaining? A little more information on your situation would be helpful in figuring out what might work for you.
01/07/2013
thesexiebunnie thesexiebunnie
I'm not exactly sure what is worrying you but after my son was born I did wait to have sex but it never scared me or made me anxious. Maybe a few more specifics would help to give you a better answer.
01/07/2013
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Well... I'm not here to be judged or asked why I did this or that, just asking for advice. I had an abortion in October.

I've been with my guy for many years so I'm in a really close relationship. I'm currently taking a much better birth control pill now but there's always that 1% that doesn't trust it because of what happened. Because of that distrust it's making sex hell. I do feel more comfortable with these pills but of course no one can promise me anything 100%.

Condoms freak me out because they remind me of the sensation of the doctor's gloved hands touching me which was a really negative experience. I've never liked condoms in the first place and now it's worse. Condoms make me cry every single time and it's like torture. So we decided not to use them and just rely on the pill because I've been on it for about 2 months straight. It's a hell of a lot better but I still get the "fight or fight" feeling when we start having sex even though I trust him.

Even the sensation of penetration (which used to be one of the best parts of sex, right? The bigger the better?) is not a good sensation now because of the experience I went through. It feels negative.
01/07/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
It sounds like it's a psychological issue. If there was guilt from your abortion, it could be possible that you're fearing having to go through that again. It sounds like you're afraid of getting pregnant and were rather traumatized by what you went through in October.

Being on birth control should give you a pretty good peace of mind, however it doesn't seem like that's enough for you. You could always have him pull out when he gets close, I know a lot of people use that method. Also charting your periods will help you have a good understanding of your cycle and you'll know the best times to avoid. That's something to also look in to.

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I've never been in your shoes and even if I had I would have no right to judge you, none of us here have that right. I appreciate you being honest and saying what happened.
01/07/2013
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I don't have any guilt. I don't regret my decision at all. I'm beyond glad that I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm just one of those women that never want to have children and have no desire for it at all. I just feel scared that it could happen again. I'm going to be taking tests more often just to be sure I don't have anymore surprises... but if it ever did happen again I'd know a LOT earlier. I know that even if it did happen again and I found out earlier I wouldn't have to go through with THAT same experience again but my mind can't compute that. It would be different next time but just the thought of it just kills me. I thought I was doing everything I could to prevent it from happening in the first place and it happened anyway.

It's hard...

Both me and my boyfriend are interested in taking permanent measures but we're still young so I don't think anyone would seriously consider it, plus we're lacking funds for it so it's not really an option right now.

Thanks for the suggestions.
01/07/2013
shorejen9 shorejen9
There are other options for birth control. You could use a spermicide foam with the pill for extra protection. Also, an iud which can last five years I believe is an option but you would need to discuss that with your ob. Also some birth control pills are morning after pills so if you are taking hose regularly there is a higher chance of not conceiving. Yes, there's always a chance unless abstinent but there are other things to make it even safer.
Good luck and consider talking to a doctor. They may have even better ideas!
01/07/2013
brevado brevado
None
01/07/2013
RedKyuubi RedKyuubi
Never had a child
01/07/2013
indiglo indiglo
It makes total sense to me - the fear of getting pregnant again is taking all the fun out of sex. While I've never been pregnant myself, dealing with the same fear has caused me some issues as well. (I do NOT want to be pregnant either.)

Maybe to help yourself, you could go through and write out what you were doing back then, and then go through and write out what you're doing NOW - then compare and contrast the 2 to prove to yourself the changes/improvements you've made to ensure your safety more.

Things like: taking a different birth control pill (that apparently didn't work well for you), for example. Then go through and analyze what you were doing back when you got pregnant - were you taking the pill at the same time everyday? Did you ever miss a dose? Were you ever on any other medications at the same time (like an antibiotic, or herbal remedies) that could have interfered with your birth control? All that kind of stuff.

Then, take a solid look at what you've changed NOW to protect yourself against that again - Like now you're on a birth control pill that's more effective for you. Maybe now you make sure to take it at the same time everyday, without missing a dose ever. Now you can be sure to double check medication interactions with any new you start taking (herbal, Rx, or otherwise). All that kind of stuff.

By having it all down in black & white, maybe that will help your brain process the improvements you've made in your birth control techniques.

I like the idea too of maybe adding something else to your birth control repertoire, just to give you that additional security if you think that might be helpful to you. Perhaps consider a diaphragm, an IUD, etc. - things that can be used in conjunction with the pill to further protect you.

You could also always even make a plan (which it sounds like you're doing) for "just in case it happens again". If you decide to you could pregnancy tests regularly to reassure yourself, etc. For me, writing down that kind of stuff, and then seeing my fears on paper really helps me either realize there's no need to be afraid, or helps me see what areas of my life I might tweak to lessen my fear.

As for the penetration... you know, I might make a rule for the next month - no penetrative sex. Stick to other kinds of play, oral, manual stimulation, titty fucking (though I hate that term), letting him thrust between your butt cheeks (with no penetration), or between your labia or thighs (with no penetration), etc. Just start enjoying your bodies again, and the sensuality of skin on skin without worrying about penetration. Over time, it may feel like the natural progression to go back to penetration.

I don't know, these are just some brain storming ideas I came up with. Don't know if they'll help you or not, but maybe at least they'll trigger you to come up with some more brainstorms of your own that will help you!

Best wishes! This is certainly not a "fun" issue to deal with, and I hope you'll be able to resume your fulfilling sex life before too long.


Oh, and PS - kudos to you and your boyfriend for being so freaking mature! Can I just say that? Jeez man, you two sound really solid and it's nice to hear that you're working through this issue together.
01/07/2013
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Thank you so much! We're high school sweethearts and we've been together a really long time. He's a great guy.

Before I got pregnant I was having blood pressure issues and a new nurse (really didn't like her, heard she got fired later) took my pills away and put me on a minipill that contains no estrogen. I remember crying that day she switchd my pills because I fet guilty about my blood pressure (wasn't taking very good care of myself) plus I really wasn't 100% informed about what she as putting me on, she just kinda shoved them onto me. I never ever miss pills and when I'm on any kind of meds we would use condoms. Before all this happened I was on the combined pill for 6 years! No problems.

These minipills didn't even last me a year with perfect use. I feel like I was trying so hard to be responsible and it still happened which really pissed me off. I felt bad, like I was "stupid" for not knowing I was pregnant. I know that's not right because I honestly didn't know and all the signs were telling me I was normal. I felt like I had to apologize to my boyfriend but he told me it wasn't my fault and I need to stop feeling that way. I'm kinda over that now thank goodness.

So now I'm back on the combined pill with estrogen. It's a lower dose but I was told it was just as effective. I'm also excercising a lot more so my blood pressure is getting better so I can stay on these pills. Also, going to take a pregnancy test maybe once a month (I guess?) just to make sure.

So yeah... I guess thinking of these things does make me feel a lot better. =] Thank goodness for EF because it's helping us a LOT!
01/08/2013
Babygurl1988 Babygurl1988
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
Thank you so much! We're high school sweethearts and we've been together a really long time. He's a great guy.

Before I got pregnant I was having blood pressure issues and a new nurse (really didn't like her, heard she got ...
If you are on Birth Control over 7 years your body will become highly tolerant to it. Which can cause you to get pregnant easier especially since you have had an abortion. Most doctors tell you not to worry about it because it's 99.99% effective but that .01% increases when you have become pregnant and had an abortion. My best friend is an OBGYN Doctor and was a Pediatrics doctor for a while but he is on the Board of Gynecology and Birth Control he studied deeply. He told me about it when I had my triplets and a year later got pregnant with my middle daughter. So just be careful.
01/08/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
It makes total sense to me - the fear of getting pregnant again is taking all the fun out of sex. While I've never been pregnant myself, dealing with the same fear has caused me some issues as well. (I do NOT want to be pregnant ...
REALLY awesome points!!!!
01/08/2013
This Is For The Birds This Is For The Birds
My first born will be three in March. I was 19 & my husband (boyfriend at the time) was only 17, still in high school. I fell into depression and we broke up making it even worse, however he still kept me as a friends with befits, so it didn't help my depression, but it helped me I guess physically, I wanted to be with him and the fact that I was still staying with him, having sex once a day if not more, etc, I was happy in my way, even tho we didn't go out in public, I would have to go home when his friends it gf were coming over. After a while his gf got tired of the "baggage" and we got back together and got married, sex was still great all through.

Then I got pregnant with our second, who will be one in two weeks. After I had her, I lost my sex drive. Never felt in the mood, never wanted it, etc. obviously we would still have sex for him, but it was never when I wanted it since I never wanted it. I just now within a week ago found my sex drive and I am a horn dog again.

I never have the worry of getting pregnant, I have the mirena for birth control but I know it could still happen but I know as long as I don't stress over it, everything will be ok. My periods are hit or miss with the mirena and my husband freaks when I don't get them for a few months and I have to remind him that there's nothing to worry about, if he stresses over it he's going to get me stressed and in the end will just make me miss my period even longer and worry us both worse.
01/08/2013
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
It's definitely a mental issue with me. When your mind isn't in it it's just going to be terrible. I've felt numb physically when being touched because I feel like I don't care. Yeah, it feels good but it just doesn't feel like it's worth it. That's terrible because that's not like me at all. =[

Another thing is just plain fear. Fear that makes you clench up which makes sex painful. Fear of it happening again even though I'm on better pills now... but there's always that small chance. I absolutely feel the anxiety rising the faster he goes, it's like a hellish rollercoaster ride. If I feel like I'm getting ravaged even slightly I feel like I'm being attacked and I shut down. This really sucks because I used to love being ravaged. Slow is a lot better but it sucks too.... Everything sucks. I'm so angry that it happened in the first place.

I'm having trouble mentally about my feelings about my body. I used to love being a woman but now... I feel a lot of resentment and anger at my inner parts. I wish I could take my ovaries out and stomp on them, that's how much I hate that part of me. I hate what my body is capable of because I don't want it. I also find it hard to feel pretty anymore.

Yep.
01/19/2013
bayosgirl bayosgirl
I had a little difficulty after my miscarriage because sex was a reminder of what happened to me. I'm currently pregnant again and my sex drive is reduced, from what I'm sure is a combination of hormonal changes, remembering the miscarriage again, and, admittedly, I'm terrified of pregnancy and the responsibilities of being a parent. Time will tell how I feel after the birth. I'm afraid of my vagina being torn up and never being tight again but people have told me it goes back to normal after six months..
01/19/2013
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
It's definitely a mental issue with me. When your mind isn't in it it's just going to be terrible. I've felt numb physically when being touched because I feel like I don't care. Yeah, it feels good but it just doesn't feel ...
I'm sorry to hear it's not getting any better for you!

Is there anyway you would be able to see a professional, even just for a short time, to talk about your feelings and try to process them in a healthy way? I hope things start to look up for you two.
01/19/2013
Jennifer87 Jennifer87
I have had 3 previous miscarriages and after everyone of them I have issues with getting back into sex. It took me almost 6 mo to get back to myself after the first one and then probably about 3 mo the other 2. But I've have to full term pregnancies and never had issues with sex after those 2. I think it was because 3 of them were a bad outcome and the 2 ended in something good. I did have fears of getting pregnant again, but husband and I were very careful till I got on a form of birth control
01/19/2013
marriedlady123 marriedlady123
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
It's definitely a mental issue with me. When your mind isn't in it it's just going to be terrible. I've felt numb physically when being touched because I feel like I don't care. Yeah, it feels good but it just doesn't feel ...
I remember a similar feeling when I was younger and did not think that I wanted kids. I was angry that I had to be the one who really had to worry about birth control when I was sleeping with someone, and that the guy wouldn't have to worry about the consequences as much if pregnancy happened. It seemed so unfair to me, especially because at the time I was having a lot of casual hook ups (I know that this is different from your situation).

A few years later (I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not) I'm married and thrilled at preparing for having children. It really is amazing how things can change.

I hope that you are able to overcome these feelings in some way, because I know how much they suck!!
01/24/2013
KinkyNicki92 KinkyNicki92
my anxiety kicked in a little bit after having sex with my fiance' after our second child. but I overcame it by just going for it. He made me feel comfortable so it was easy to cope with the anxiety and eventually it just subsided.
01/25/2013
Miss Jenn Miss Jenn
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
After pregnancy did you have a really hard time having sex again? Did you have terrible anxiety about getting pregnant again? Or anxiety just from the sensation of penetration because of what you've been though? (pain or just the sensation of ...
I just had a baby 4 months ago. Literally 3 weeks after the c-section I was having sex (i was so horny). But then we stopped because I wasn't feeling good and then had trouble breastfeeding, and was all kinds of emotional.

But we haven't been having sex as often as we had before. partly between being tired from taking care of the kids/house, and him at work, and partly because my body hadn't regulated even tho I was on Depo and was still bleeding quite often (like literally 3 weeks on, a few days off and repeat).

Now on mini pill and trying to get back to regular life. So, were still in a process.
01/26/2013
Munko Munko
I struggled a lot after having my daughter, I still do, actually.

Initially it was pain - I had a very difficult delivery with an episiotomy, deep bruising and hematomas, etc. Then I suffered vaginal atrophy while nursing (it felt like razor blades inside me, and hubby would actually come out with cuts on his bits after words...it was awful and excruciating)

But I did also deal with the fear of getting pregnant again, I think because of my difficult delivery and the things that transpired afterwards. I was quite certain I could never handle going through any of that ever again, and the thought that I'd accidentally have to do it sooner rather than later terrified me.

It's just been these last few months that I've started to feel okay again and less worried. I want another baby now (well not, NOW, but at some point) so pregnancy doesn't seem so scary anymore.

I think it definitely sounds like something you need to explore more. A lot of women suffer a form of PTSD after an abortion, even if they're sure it's the right choice for them. It's an emotional experience no matter what. I'd also look at switching forms of birth control and maybe for now limiting your sexual relations to ones without penetration until you've had more time to heal emotionally.
01/29/2013
Kitka Kitka
No, no problems at all.
01/29/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
After pregnancy did you have a really hard time having sex again? Did you have terrible anxiety about getting pregnant again? Or anxiety just from the sensation of penetration because of what you've been though? (pain or just the sensation of ...
I am sorry you are having such a bad time. I enjoyed sex through the pregnancy and as soon as my C Section healed, I was gung ho again. Part of it may be that I enjoyed feeling pregnant. Sounds like you had some bad experience. Maybe a short stint of counseling might help? I wish you well. Try to remember how much fun, and how much bonding comes with sex. It was probably very good before...well, IT has not changed, you have. Try and enjoy it again.
02/03/2013
Total posts: 24
Unique posters: 17